Emotional Wellness and Lay-offs

One of the hardest situations to face is a lay-off; yet it is not impossible to deal with it. However, most important is overcoming it. Most people laid-off go into desperation mode looking out for the next opportunity. The next opportunity takes advantage, sends an offer letter with a cut in expectations, because they know you need them more than they need you! Sad, but true.

Yes, a lay-off leads to a plethora of emotions surfacing ranging from anger, to frustration, to hurt, to insecurity, to anxiety, to fear, and so on and so forth. It is natural to go through these emotions, however, the call of the hour is to lay yourself off the grid, address the emotional disturbances, and then chalk out the blueprint for the next chapter of your career.

You may say it is easy to say, but almost impossible to do. Or, maybe you think you cannot afford yourself the luxury to lay-off for a bit, because you have bills to pay, and a family to support! Or, maybe you think I am just another one here to impart ‘gyan’.

No, my dear friends, I am here to share much more than ‘gyan’. I have my own backstory, as well as tips to help you stand back on your feet and extend yourself to write the next chapter of your career, wisely!

Way back in 2008, I was laid-off due to misunderstandings, and politics happily played against me. While, it may sound like a blame game, pointing my fingers to those who caused my ‘lay-off’ situation, I decided to take things in my hands, mourn the death of a job, and celebrate the possibilities that lay ahead.

The first morning was excruciating, with terrible, thunderous voices, “What now?” “What face will you show others?” “You’ll never get a job!” “You are a failure!” “You saw the signs and you still continued to work to you got laid-off.” “What next?” “How will you pay the bills two months from now?” “You are so useless you couldn’t hold the job.” “Why did you have to work so silently while others hogged the limelight.” “What a righteous fool!” The chattering kept diminishing my confidence. I lay in bed, and watched ceiling, as the noisy nagging continued in my head.

My parents were ever-so supportive. They lent me their shoulder to cry on and shared a few words of wisdom. They asked me nothing, but observed me go through the mourning phase. Three days went by, and on the fourth day the nagging voice was silenced. This was because I did not give it the joy of my struggle, but instead observed it all, being in the space of mourning the ‘lay-ff’.

Then came the next phase. I wrote letters, venting my venomous spleen on paper, addressing it to those I held responsible for my lay-off. No, I did not send any of them those letters. I wrote and I shredded. This went on a for a few days, till there was nothing else to pour into those letters, except for gratitude for freeing me from the bondage.

Then came the next stage! Understanding the underlying emotional disturbances, I was experiencing. So, I addressed insecurity, fear, failure, guilt, regret, anger, anxiety; writing my feelings and allowing my mind to take me to their roots connecting to this situation.

Almost twelve days later, I experienced hollow and emptiness!

As, I sat down watching a tree with a foliage of green leaves dancing to the gentle breeze, I asked, “what next?”

I felt the tree respond to me, and I wrote all that I was told, “You are meant to empower others. You earned your degree in psychotherapy and counselling, and attended so many healing workshops, in order to help others. This job was a gift to support your education, and now is the time to venture forth, fulltime into counselling, psychotherapy, coaching, training, empowering, etc. Now is the time.” I felt tears roll down my cheeks. Not stinging tears of pain, but gentle tears of gratitude. Ten minutes later, I received a call from the HR Head of a company, who was looking out for a psychotherapist. By the time she completed her third session, she presented me to her company, and I got my first assignment, as an emotional wellness therapist for a company of 150 employees. Not as a side a hustle, but the first step to a fulltime, dedicated career in the ecosystem of mental and emotional health.

PS.: Prior to this, along with my job at the publication, I would conduct soft skill training sessions at Call Centers during their midnight shift, and counsel clients on the weekend. My passionate side-hustle shaped into my fulltime thriving career.

Even more recently, during the pandemic I joined a start-up as cofounder, only to be laid-ff because the funds bled out. I took time out to mourn this phase, to re-emerge even more determined to help people address emotional wellness to thrive!

Tips to deal with emotional disturbance caused by a lay-off:

• Give yourself the permission to grieve the loss of a job
• Observe all the emotional nagging, chattering happening, and don’t resist the need to lay in bed mourning the loss. The more you resist it, the louder it becomes. So, don’t go guzzling alcohol to numb the pain. Instead, face it so that it eases out.
• Empty out all the pent-up anger, frustration, sadness, disgust, guilt regret. You could write letters to those you feel are responsible for this situation and tear or burn them, but definitely don’t send it out to them. Exercise, dance, sing, scream; empty out the toxic energy that encourages the emotional disturbances.
• Seek out an expert such as psychotherapist, coach, counsellor, mentor, somebody you can trust for their non-judgmental counsel.
• Avoid those who have opinions and add to the noise in your head. Instead, seek out the company of those who can be your strength and not ‘gyani’ advisor, adding fuel to the ignited fire of pain, hurt and anger.
• Take a short trip that will bring joy and healing to you. Remember to be sensible and not splurge, but maintaining a budget so that you do not regret it.
• Once you come to a space of hollow and emptiness chalk out the blueprint for the next chapter of your career, which maybe the search for a job, making a hobby your hustle, etc.
• During this phase spend some time upskilling, as knowledge is a healing balm, and brings you confidence to emerge courageously.

As a parting shot my dear friends, remember no matter what your situation, only ‘fools rush in’. Grieve being laid-off, mourn the death of job, close the page of that chapter with a full stop. The next chapter, is going to be even better!