EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES

The term "vampire" entered the Portuguese language in the 18th century, coming from the French "vampire," which, in turn, comes from the German "Vampir," borrowed in the early 18th century from the Serbian вампир/vampir. It was in the 18th century when Serbia was still part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire that the Serbian Arnold Paole brought the belief in vampires to light. The population began to believe that he had become a vampire after his death and that he was responsible for an epidemic of supposed vampirism that killed at least 16 people in his hometown of Meduegna.

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A vampire is a mythological and folkloric being that survives by feeding on the life essence of living creatures (usually in the form of blood), whether undead or alive. This idea of vampires, popularized mainly by John Polidori's novel "The Vampyre" in 1819, established the archetype of the vampire as charismatic and sophisticated, becoming one of the most influential works on vampires of the 19th century, inspiring works like "Varney the Vampire" and eventually Dracula.

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The idea of vampirism has existed for millennia; cultures such as Mesopotamia, Hebrew, ancient Greece, and Rome had legends of demons and spirits considered precursors to modern vampires. In many cases, vampires are specters of malevolent beings, victims of suicide, or witches. However, they can also be created when a malevolent spirit possesses a body or when one is bitten by a vampire. The belief in such legends penetrated some regions so deeply that it caused collective hysteria and even public executions of people believed to be vampires.

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Perhaps that's why the combination of the word "vampire" with the word "emotion" makes so much sense today. This is because the term formed by the union of these words, "emotional vampire," has a very similar meaning. It's not that this kind of vampire feeds on our blood; instead, it relates to those people who have the ability to establish relationships by feeding on human vital energy, in this case, the mind, understanding, intellect, containing someone's deepest feelings, influencing them negatively and toxically and somehow harming the well-being of others, seriously affecting their physical and psychological health.

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Although the term is formed from popular expression and does not have academic recognition, it is very common to be part of many clinical works in psychological treatments. Since it is present in the daily lives of many people, both in face-to-face relationships and strongly on social networks.

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In all our relationships, we build perspectives for there to be a harmonious exchange of emotions and feelings, generating stimuli to build something from there, be it through information, emotions, and sensations. Every relationship has the intention of something positive; we are fundamentally relational beings, and human interactions are the part that allows us to feel alive, producing a series of changes at the psychic level that are part of our own growth as individuals. However, when in contact with these vampires, we quickly feel bad, exhausted, belittled, worn out, either physically or mentally. Just allow maintaining a relationship for some time or even let ourselves be persuaded by their maneuvering, and we are soon overwhelmed by an emotion that often causes us nausea.

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This type of person does not allow a healthy synergistic relationship in which there is an exchange, and everyone can position themselves to build an empathetic communication of mutual benefit. In fact, empathy is something that emotional vampires do not have; on the contrary, there is no reciprocity or even the possibility of wanting the good for the other from a healthy relationship when they are present. What really exists is the negative emotional stimulus that accumulates day by day, causing stress that tends to increase, thus losing the condition of reality with ourselves, leading to a "loop" of dependence or causing in us the need to fight or flee.

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It is not so easy to recognize an emotional vampire, as they have a certain persuasive ability, with their sociopathic touch, capable of easily manipulating others, especially the unwary, to gain advantages for themselves. They have the power to "trap their prey" by seeking to establish bonds of friendship with their light and subtle emotional touch. They can be charming, self-confident, verbally fluent with a distinctive ability for argumentation and articulation to get what they want. They are spontaneous, exerting a charm and fascination on their victims, only over time when they perceive a certain vulnerability, with the victim already conquered, do they increasingly show their other side through their arrogance, attacking them with their worthy vampire maneuvers.

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Emotional Vampires

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Around you, they maintain a flock of victims that strategically conquer them through their emotional manipulation skills until they exhaust them completely. Emotional vampires take advantage of two basic elements in others: time and virtue. They use tactics to create certain emotional and friendship bonds by mirroring the other person, and then they begin to take advantage of the victim's inclinations. It is very difficult to maintain emotional balance when the emotional vampire is part of our inner circle: family, friends, bosses, or even partners and spouses. The closer the relationship, the more harmful effects it will have on you. Not all emotional vampires are aware of their own personality; therefore, many of them do not consciously engage in such behaviors, unaware that they are doing something negative. Their impulses lead them to commit immoral acts that most people would never do. They do not understand how negative their actions are for the people around them. Whether consciously or unconsciously, these individuals can easily create an atmosphere of mental exhaustion, directly interfering with the other person's emotions and feelings. The characteristics that form this persona certainly have psychological reasons behind this dysfunctional behavior, whether demonstrating excess selfishness, narcissism, immaturity, or even character dysfunctions that cause a lack of empathic ability and understanding of the theory of mind, making them manipulative, exploitative, among other behavioral deviations. Surely, there are psychological reasons behind this dysfunctional behavior, whether it demonstrates excessive selfishness, narcissism, immaturity, or even character dysfunctions that cause a lack of empathic ability and understanding of the theory of mind, making them manipulative, exploitative, among other behavioral deviations. Surely, there are experiences and even a certain genetic touch in their history that leads them to be the person they are, whether formed as a result of past traumas or abuses in childhood. There are various relationships within their history that shape this psyche and impact the direct way of being. Often, this profile has to do with their relationship with parents and family, and this can be decisive because these people end up incorporating behavioral deviations from their parents and family relationships that have become influenced by defense mechanisms that lead to building a distorted personality. The big problem with all of this is that dealing with this type of person and allowing them to be part of our lives has a very high cost and can harm us not only in the conduct of our daily lives but also in our self-esteem, leading us to develop over time various psychic problems that can harm us both in our personal and professional lives. We cannot forget that emotions are contagious, both good and bad. When exposed to negative emotions for a long time, we can suffer consequences resulting from fear, anger, unhappiness, bitterness, worry, guilt feelings, and so on. The greater the negative charge, the greater the wear and tear, and with this, we can even develop diseases such as panic syndrome, depression, and burnout. The fact is that we need to be alert since there are countless species of emotional vampires. Whether at work, with that "colleague" who always comes with something negative, with their gossip, rumors, or who spares no effort to tell their problems, or also present in the family context, toxic parents or those family members who always play the victim, trying to control their prey. There is the one who uses social media in a suffocating and strategic way, full of hints, justifications, criticisms, and accusations. Whether in a circle of friends, at work, or even in the family, it is common not to be able to escape, and we end up having to put up with this type of person. If we have to live with them, we need to learn to identify their characteristics and know how to deal with their influential way of being for our own good. It is possible to point out at least some characteristics that will help us, such as:

CRITICAL

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Characterized by false perfectionism, the emotional vampire has a great need to make people around them anxious and nervous. This type of manipulation leads people to self-criticize, stimulating them to be highly critical of themselves and others.

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Due to their strong need to achieve their goals, they constantly become frustrated and disappointed with others, making the other person feel bad since nothing the other does, says, thinks, or wishes will be sufficiently pleasing. Nothing will be good for their subjective and illusory refined taste, for their assumption of self-knowledge about life. With their persuasive ability given a certain paternalistic profile, they always manage to make others feel inferior.

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ARROGANT

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They are not interested in what you have to say, in your thoughts, or what you are feeling at the moment. Emotional vampires see themselves as superior and do everything to make their victims feel inferior to them. They are fundamentally individuals with individualistic, egocentric, and disrespectful behaviors. With their slight touch of arrogance, they feel haughty, hence their arrogance, where many of them are convinced that they are experts in various subjects and, therefore, have no interest in hearing other opinions.

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Vampires have a dangerous combination of being narcissistic, arrogant, proud, arrogant, presumptuous, and extremely vain. In this sense, they are experts at pointing fingers, making criticisms, and commenting on flaws all the time. They are good liars and have an easy time making up excuses to dodge punishments or have their plans uncovered. They are unable to listen to arguments and seek to contradict and belittle all your actions and comments. Nothing that is not in line with their ideas and preferences is good enough.

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NEGATIVE

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If you live with an emotional vampire, over time you will lose your sense of self-esteem and the ability to perceive your own values, as if your "self" were dying within you. This directly influences your self-evaluation, leading you to believe that you are intrinsically negative to some extent. Losing sight of self-significant beliefs and self-significant emotions, becoming a negative person in relation to your own life and the world around you.

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Emotional vampires tend to view the world negatively, and every time you try to convince them that they are wrong, they use arguments almost always devoid of foundation, reason, or logic to prove their point. As mentioned earlier, they have a distinct ability to argue and articulate to get what they want. There is no shortage of fanciful arguments to convince the other of their point of view.

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DEMOTIVATOR

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It is very common to engage in conversations that involve sad, sometimes tragic, or even catastrophic situations. You will hardly see an emotional vampire talk about life without a negative tone or emphasize something to discourage you. There will always be a touch to warn of danger, disappointments, and dissatisfactions, bringing suffering to the people around them since one of their specialties is to disenchant any dream.

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VICTIM MENTALITY

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Emotional vampires consider themselves victims of their own lives and constantly complain about everything. They make you feel temperamental and emotional to attract attention and gain affection. Their tendency to martyrize themselves. As a result, you waste your emotional and mental energy. They are specialists in making everyone around them feel helpless, frustrated, or guilty for not being able to make them happy for a long time. Even when things are going well, they find reasons to victimize themselves and complain. They always believe that their problems are worse, bigger, or more important than everyone else's. Therefore, they are always willing to talk about their own problems but disappear when someone needs their support.

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AGGRESSIVE

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These people are known to have a "short fuse" and always tend to react more aggressively with anger to anything they don't like. They have great difficulty in self-control and little tolerance for very social interaction. Don't be fooled; if you live with any of them, you probably feel that you always have to be very careful and speak calmly at all times. This is because they can exhibit aggressive behaviors and easily become irritated.

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As seen, they feel no empathy for others and no remorse for their actions and conduct. This is not positive for anyone's emotional and spiritual health, so emotionally aggressive vampires rarely have meaningful relationships with anyone for long.

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SARCASTIC

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Almost always ironic, their sarcasm is built from the fantasies created from their lived tragedies, always making a comparison between themselves and the lives of other people of better fortune, with an almost cruel, biting intent, often hurting the sensibility of the person who receives it. Always more spicy and more provocative, they love to judge, launching "poison" and at the same time protecting themselves behind the irony of being just a joke.

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At first, it may even seem funny and that the intention is to amuse the other person, but for them, it is not like that. Over time, emotional vampires destroy your self-esteem and self-love.

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CONTROLLING

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Being in command, directing actions, and controlling situations is the greatest need of emotional vampires. Their actions seek to invalidate the other, so they act with a force that makes their victims believe they need them to survive, generating self-resentment and dependence, hindering relationships and preventing the other from exercising their full capacity. They are another enemy of the mind that sucks up all that is good, always making the other feel defeated.

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Whether in personal or professional life, we need to be alert to emotional vampires, and when we have no escape, we cannot let them harm us in any way. For this, we have to take some actions to protect ourselves.

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One of them is always to self-evaluate all the relationships we have around us. With anyone, we need to be honest with ourselves and understand which ones are benefiting us and which ones are not. From there, analyze if it is worth going through everything we are going through and continuing with it; otherwise, we have to take certain definitive actions. In this sense, I understand that everyone has a chance to change who they are and evolve; some just need to hear the honesty of others, some need specialized help, but there are also many who are not concerned with that, and for them, only life will teach them.

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Therefore, first of all, a good tip is to seek to be true and expose to this vampire what pleases you and what is damaging in this relationship. Many times we have to be frank, direct, and objective. There is nothing wrong with making clear everything that is happening, as long as it is done in a respectful and balanced manner. It is necessary to tell the other what we are also feeling. Seeking to practice empathy and understand if the other is well or needing help. Showing that you are also there to contribute to making them well.

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Now, if even so there are no changes, there is no way, we also need to think about ourselves and our physical and mental well-being. Therefore, do not hesitate to distance yourself from people like that, and if you need interaction, let it be minimal and necessary, not giving them a chance to dominate you and make you suffer from this relationship. Do not allow yourself to suffer for others. No one deserves to take away our joy of life.

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Also, always remember that when someone points a finger at us, they are ultimately talking much more about themselves than about us.

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Now, it is essential that before going around wanting to judge people, do a self-analysis about yourself and seek at least with this written summary

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?here to realize what makes sense for yourself. It is necessary to be alert not only to others to avoid being prey to a vampire but also to do a self-analysis about ourselves and observe how much vampirism we have.

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Not all emotional vampires engage in toxic behaviors with full awareness, so it's never too much to reflect on who we are and how we are behaving with others. Perhaps, from time to time, we should consider questions about ourselves:

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- Do we harbor any negative and deceitful thoughts? A certain need to control people, especially those close to us?

- How empathetic are we, practicing theory of mind in its entirety, giving ourselves, and understanding the needs of others?

- Are we using people to unload our day-to-day issues, without considering their problems, concerns, opinions, or comments?

- What about our sense of judgment and criticism, how are we working on that in our daily lives? Do we have a real sense of self-criticism before pointing fingers?

- How is our relationship with the world? Are we seeking the positive side of things, or do we think everything is wrong, and we're not doing anything to change it? How does the world seem to be: against or in favor of you?

- Can you perceive when things aren't going well and that occasionally, we need to practice humility to understand that we also need others to help us out of this abyss?

- How is your patience, self-respect, self-esteem, and self-awareness?

- Can you practice emotional control? Your effective communication skills toward a dialogue?

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In the end, we need to be alert not to become victims of ourselves. Don't hesitate to seek help when necessary because behind the actions of a vampire, much more serious psychological problems may be hidden, such as depression. Additionally, these issues can impact aspects like lack of self-esteem, self-love, self-acceptance, self-respect, among many other emotional burdens that we don't need to carry through life and that need to be worked on with a specialist. We always have the chance to be better people, provided we can perceive ourselves. The best thing to do is to be attentive to the signs, whether from others or from ourselves. Some people can reflect, seek help, and change their behavior, while others will never change, and in that case, the best thing to do is to distance yourself and seek your own joy in living.

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In conclusion, it is essential to remain vigilant and self-aware in our interactions with others. Not all emotional vampires are aware of their toxic behaviors, and sometimes introspection can reveal aspects of ourselves that may inadvertently harm those around us. Regularly evaluating our thoughts, empathy, judgment, and overall emotional well-being can contribute to healthier relationships and personal growth. Seeking help when needed is a sign of strength, and everyone has the opportunity to evolve and become better individuals. Remember, by being attentive to the signs, both from others and ourselves, we can navigate relationships more wisely and, if necessary, distance ourselves from those who may drain our joy in living.

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Reflection:

In the intricate theater of human relationships, we are both actors and spectators in a complex plot where emotional vampires play insidious roles. Reflecting on who we are and how we interact reveals that, often, we carry shadows within us that can inadvertently overshadow the light of others. The need for control, lack of empathy, and hasty judgment are tentacles that, if not tamed, can turn anyone into an emotional vampire.

The introspective journey leads us to question the authenticity of our relationships. Are we vessels of concealed negative thoughts? Do we extend a hand but forget to perceive the needs of others? Seeking a positive side, we acknowledge the duality of the world, which can be against or in favor, depending on the perspective. Humility becomes a compass amid the abyss of relationships, reminding us that, at times, we need others to find the way.

Patience, self-respect, and self-esteem become bulwarks against emotional corrosion. Controlling one's emotions and communicating effectively are weapons against vampires, but sometimes external help is necessary. Recognizing the shadows within us is the first step to evolving as human beings.

Life, like a theatrical work, presents characters who can reflect, transform, or remain unchanged. Amid emotional vampires, we have the power to choose our role and seek our own joy in living. The philosophy of existence teaches us that, by transcending the shadows, we can build more authentic relationships, elevating not only ourselves but also those who cross our path on the stage of life.

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