Emotional Trauma and Self-Abandonment

During times of emotional trauma, our body’s natural way to protect itself from stress is to shut down and dissociate.

Over time, this can turn into chronic dissociation, which, when you delve deeper, is actually self-abandonment.

Whenever emotional trauma doesn’t heal, self-abandonment is usually the core wound.

Despite how it might seem or feel, no one can ever hurt us as deeply as we hurt ourselves.

Many find it easier to heal from external abuse, than to heal from self-abandonment.

That’s because, by abandoning ourselves, we become emotionally fragmented and, once feeling “not whole”, we experience a pervasive sense that something is missing.

Abandoning yourself will often bring up a much deeper feeling of abandonment that you may still be carrying in your body from your childhood.

Not only is the emotional pain devastating, but self-abandonment also creates deep scars that can last a lifetime and, unlike other emotional wounds, time does not heal this wound, because you’re constantly belittling yourself on a daily basis.

To feel like your whole self again, you must stop abandoning yourself and start looking inwards to heal the pain.

Because the problem isn’t that you abandoned yourself at the time of the trauma. The problem is that you keep doing it!

Therefore, to fully heal, you must save your past self from abandonment.

Our subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present, nor real and imagined, so, you can mentally go back in time and embrace your past self with love and compassion.

This will allow the energy to ripple through time, to both your ancestors and your descendants, and create a change in your current life, right now.

So, now that you have the wisdom to do things differently and make better choices, you owe it to your past and future self to do it.

SO, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO ABANDON YOURSELF?

You probably aren’t even aware that the things you do are actually causing your body to disassociate... Here are a few common forms of self-abandonment:

1. Holding disempowering beliefs about yourself, such as: unworthiness, powerlessness, and victimhood;

2. Practicing chronic self-judgment, negative thinking, or suicidal ideation;

3. Hiding self-expression, denying your dreams and desires, or not speaking your truth;

4. Staying in a relationship or job past its expiration date, not trusting yourself to follow inner guidance, or practising self-deprecation;

5. Abusing your body by ingesting toxins, or not giving yourself proper nutrition, rest, movement, sleep, nurturing, etc.;

6. Compromising your integrity by doing things you don’t want to do, making choices out of obligation or guilt, or putting yourself last to please others; and

7. Suppressing your feelings, neglecting emotional needs, or allowing others to disrespect or abuse you.

Keep in mind that many of us were abandoning ourselves prior to trauma, and, in many cases, we learned it from our parents and it’s been passed down from generation to generation.

Have you ever noticed a similar pattern that occurs within the women or men in your family?

Are you living the same experiences you know your parents felt trapped in?

Do you watch your child and have a sense of Déjà Vu?

If you can identify with any of these, in you or your family, it’s extremely likely a trauma has been carried down through your lineage, and passed on through your cells from an experience that’s never been fully healed, or even realised, within the different generations.

We all have history and experiences in our lives, that don’t fully heal and can sometimes get trapped in our cells, tissues, and DNA.

But, what we may not fully realise is that, as trauma goes unrealised in our lifetime, it can be passed onto our children, and we may have inherited some of it from our ancestors.

This is something that is more common than you realise,and something I have been unravelling within my very own family. It’s what we call generational trauma.

HOW TO STOP ABANDONING YOURSELF?

Since the relationship we have with ourselves sets the foundation for our healing, we need to stop abandoning ourselves to allow our healing with a new paradigm of self-love and self-care.

We must first start by listening to our inner guidance, remove self-judgment, and give ourselves the emotional support we desire from others, such as acceptance, approval, appreciation, respect, etc.

By removing yourself from situations and relationships that no longer support you, speaking your truth, and practising self-expression, you will slowly learn to nurture your body by consciously choosing you and the life you truly desire.

Emotions surface to be released, and the only way they can be released is through embodying them and allowing yourself to feel them.

When starting on your journey of rediscovering yourself, it’s essential to remove all the disempowering beliefs, such as unworthiness, powerlessness, and victimhood.

Although it might feel less painful in the moment, to abandon yourself when you’re afraid, confused, or not being who you want to be, make a conscious choice to stay connected.

When issues and challenges arise, don’t turn on yourself with self-judgment, damnation, or deprecation. Instead, listen to yourself, feel your feelings, speak your truth, take a stand when appropriate, and be your own best friend.

During challenging experiences, you might like to say to yourself, “You’re doing the best you can and, no matter what feelings arise, I am here for you and I will not abandon you!”

The word “healing” means a return to wholeness, and this means that, in order to heal, you must embody your whole self.

If you abandon any aspect of yourself, for any reason, healing is prolonged. Therefore, even if you practice self-love diligently, as long as you judge your past self or your memories induce shame, you are still abandoning yourself (this includes your past self, who experienced trauma, as well as any version of your past self).

Since we cannot trick our subconscious mind, we can’t feel good about our current self while pretending our past self is damaged or separate.

TURN YOUR TRAUMA INTO TRIUMPH

No matter the mistakes or errors in judgment, your past self not only survived the pain and trauma but also forged the path that you have walked.

Despite the fear, shame, loneliness, and even lack of support, your past self not only endured difficult experiences, your past self learned from those experiences and evolved into who you are today.

So, forget about forgiving your past self because there’s absolutely nothing to forgive.

Instead, why not celebrate triumph over trauma by acknowledging the everlasting gifts, lessons, and opportunities, and start seeing your past self in a different light?

Although we might need to search quite deeply before we find the treasures born from trauma, they always exist.

A perfect pearl may reside in an ugly shell but, if you don’t open it, you’ll never find it.

So, who would you be today without your past self?

By facing adversity, you developed strength.

By speaking your truth, you found your voice.

By taking responsibility, you became independent.

By overcoming powerlessness, you became empowered.

By expressing gratitude for the arduous journey endured and the priceless gifts received, your past self receives your unconditional love now and, when it comes to healing, self-love is the ultimate cure.

If you’re feeling the pull to start exploring this work further, I’d love to connect with you further by offering you a free 30-minute soul chat to see where your energy is, and talk to you more about this beautiful healing work.