emotional stability ≥ job stability (hear me out)

Until I was almost five, I grew up in a joint family household with my grandparents, my parents, my dad's brother, his wife, and my cousin. I'm not sure it felt much different from what life would've felt like in India. The "fresh off the boat" value system ran deep. Everyone wore Indian clothes, ate Indian food, listened to Hindi music, and lived by the make-or-break philosophy of making it in America.

I grew up watching my dad work two jobs during the day, go to school at night, and still somehow play a present and active role in my life. I watched everyone pitch in to support one another because if one person faltered, the family unit faltered. So stability became the most important attribute around - a stable demeanor (no weakness) and a stable job (even if it sucked) equaled a stable place in American society.

And nothing has stuck with me (or my sister, and I'm assuming most others who grew up in similar situations) more.

So I've always had a stable job. From the minute I graduated college, I made myself an indispensable part of every team I was ever on. What that meant: I knew the materials best, I always offered to pinch hit, I would prioritize work over everything, I did things way above my pay grade and beyond my job description... and it gave me exactly what I always thought I needed - stability.

But as the years went by, and my job turned into a career that turned into management, and team leadership, which led to company-level, executive leadership, I realized I was prioritizing job stability over emotional stability. I was having anxiety attacks at the dinner table across from clients (I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy), getting sick on business trips, pitching new business by myself on the phone (true story) to drum up money, and continuing to work at my usual pace even when my body couldn't take it.

I was a mess. But because a stable demeanor was also drilled into my brain, no one would've ever guessed it.

I realize I am speaking from a place of privilege - sometimes a stable job absolutely IS the most important thing. For my family, coming from India, it without a doubt was. But for many of us, especially those who are responsible for the well-being of others, emotional stability is just as important. Because it informs every second of every day. Every interaction we have with our children, our team, aging parents, and friends. If we are breaking down, especially as caretakers (personal or professional), how are we supposed to reinforce everyone who exists in our orbit?

It's like breastfeeding. Yes, I'm going there - this is my newsletter! It doesn't matter if you have the best supply in the world if your baby won't latch if you don't have the wherewithal to spend six hours a day trying to breastfeed, giving up, pumping, bottle feeding, rinse and repeat, what's the use? Isn't being able to sit with your baby in peace and contentedness important? Give them the bottle and be there with them. Give them emotional stability. Teach them the importance of seeking what is most stabilizing to them as human beings, versus what is most stabilizing to their bank account.

We're people first and professionals second (or third, or fourth). We need to start acting like it.

Love,

A