Emotional Sobriety: Embracing the Full Spectrum of Feelings

Many believe that feeling happy, joyous, and free is the equivalent of emotional sobriety; that staying positive and “looking at the bright side” of everything will keep us from feeling more difficult and sometimes dangerous emotions. But what about those who are going through hard times? The death of a loved one, divorce, career changes, or an empty nest—should people facing such challenges be expected to put on a happy face and just “grin and bear it”? Some will advise, “Distract yourself—volunteer, get into service—that will set you straight.”

Unfortunately, for some, this approach can lead directly to unhealthy behavior. If not caught in time, it could set you (or your patients) up for a relapse.

Understanding Emotional Sobriety

Emotional sobriety is not about side-stepping our emotional difficulties. It's about learning to identify and recognize when we are experiencing difficult emotions. It's accepting them and realizing that sometimes, there’s nothing to do about them—we just have to let them run their course. The Austrian poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”

Dr. Allen Berger, a clinical psychologist and author who has written extensively on emotional sobriety, emphasizes that this concept involves a balanced approach to our emotional life. It’s about maintaining emotional balance and resilience, allowing us to cope with life’s ups and downs without resorting to substances or other unhealthy coping mechanisms.

The Importance of Acceptance

We have a greater chance of maintaining our physical sobriety when we learn to accept all our emotions: the good and the bad—the fun and the difficult. Happiness could be sitting right next to regret, and joy might be hiding behind frustration. This duality is simply the human condition. And the courage to experience all our feelings is the very definition of emotional sobriety.

Research shows that emotional regulation and acceptance are critical components of long-term recovery. A study published in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment found that individuals who developed better emotional regulation skills had lower rates of relapse and higher overall well-being.

Practical Steps Toward Emotional Sobriety

1. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and acknowledge your emotions without judgment. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness exercises can be very beneficial.
2. Therapeutic Support: Engaging in therapy, whether it’s cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or other modalities, can provide you with tools to manage and accept your emotions effectively.
3. Support Networks: Surround yourself with a supportive community. Whether it’s through dedicated programs, support groups, or friends in recovery, having a network that understands your journey is invaluable.
4. Self-Compassion: Practice being kind to yourself. Understand that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions and that this is a normal part of being human.

Embracing the Journey

There are plenty of books on emotional sobriety. Some are more 12-steps focused, but not all of them. We encourage you to peruse your local bookstore or hop online to check them out. Or better yet, grab a friend for some coffee to talk about it with them!

Emotional sobriety is a journey of embracing the full spectrum of human emotions. By accepting and understanding our feelings, we build a stronger foundation for long-term recovery and a richer, more fulfilling life.

Encore Outpatient Services provides adults and their families trauma-informed, integrated, and customized treatment for addiction and co-occurring mental health disorders. Located in Arlington, Virginia, Encore offers partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient, general outpatient, and family programs that address the whole person, including underlying trauma and life experiences that may negatively influence the ability to connect with others and form meaningful relationships. To get in touch with us, visit our website at www.encorerecovery.com or call (703) 436-8158.