The emotional rollercoaster of job hunting

It is okay to have good days and bad days when you are searching for that new role, we are all on that emotional rollercoaster. Here is my story … 

When I found myself in this position at the end of January, I guess you could say I was very naive about the situation and honestly thought with my skills and experience I would easily find myself another job quickly.

It is fair to say I probably spent those first few weeks learning that job searching now was a lot more about networking on LI and other platforms, something which I have never considered one of my strengths. I set about taking in every piece of information I could find on how to format my CV to beat the ATS, how to create my brand and how to write those cover letters to increase my chances of finding that role. For someone who is not good at selling themselves, this was difficult for me and still is. All too soon, my brain went into overload. I had taken in way too much information and could not see the wood from the trees – time to take a step back, pause, and breath.

When I started applying for jobs, I was full of hope and optimism but that quickly disappeared as feedback or outcome was non-existent on most applications submitted. I started to wonder why I was not being contacted, I questioned whether my skills and experience and what I had achieved was just a fluke. I started to doubt my abilities and started to withdraw, and I was so very scared. But I found that I had a fire in the pit of my stomach that was telling me that I could not quit. The flames were low and barely noticeable most days, but it was enough to keep me going.

As the days fell into weeks and weeks into months, I found myself in a continuous circle like a rollercoaster that I could not get off. Those peaks and troughs defined how I spent my days, one day I would have a positive mind, confident, and determined. Other days, I could just about manage to get out of bed and would sit and do nothing all day, until my partner came home, and then I managed to change my mood and put “my mask on” so he could not see how unhappy, sad and scared I had become. I felt like I had lost my purpose, my identity, and all those things which had previously defined me.

Spending time on LI, I could see so many people posting to say they had been made redundant. It is made even more noticeable with those green banners that we all have now around our profile pictures. If I allowed myself to think about it, I would become scared and frightened for my future and my family. Having been the main earner in the family, to now counting the pennies on even the slightest of spends made me feel embarrassed and those flames dim even more. When I realised, I had no choice but to look at what I was entitled to from the Government I felt nothing but shame.

As time moves on you start to see people who lost their jobs after you posting that they had found a new role that makes me so happy and elated for them, but it is impossible to stop those niggles of doubt coming back, night time is always the worst.

You may think that there are no positive outcomes here, but there are. I have learned so much about myself. I have realised how resilient and strong I am, when I think I cannot go on I have always found that last piece of strength to push me through. I have realised that I can adapt to situations that life decides to throw at me, and I have realised that my honesty helps others and that in turn helps me and is the reason why I have written this article. It is not for sympathy.

I have always been honest with my posts on how I was feeling, but lately, people were commenting that they should be positive and people did not want to see “negative” posts, so I stopped.

But some people mentioned to me recently, that it does help others to know they are not alone when feeling down, to know that others are having those same feelings and by being honest maybe, just maybe it will help someone else.  

So to those of you in the same boat as me, keep paddling it may seem like we are paddling around in circles at times and those storms keep coming our way but our time will come, maybe tomorrow maybe next week but it will come. Afterall the sun always shines after a storm.

If you want to comment on my article feel free to do so, but please be kind as you do not know what others are going through and what affect your words may have.