Emotional Resilience: Six Lessons Learned In Conquering Life's Uncertainties

As we lay our heads down at night, there's an implicit belief that we'll rise with the morning sun. Yet, this remains an expectation, not a certainty. Throughout history, humanity has grappled with the fear of the unknown . The prospect of not knowing what lies ahead, of being unable to steer the future, often stirs deep emotional unrest.

My own journey has been a testament to this struggle—attempting to either foresee or control the unfolding of tomorrow, in a bid to mitigate the anxiety that comes from uncertainty.

There's a saying, "Man plans, and God laughs," which resonates deeply with many of us.

It was through navigating life's unforeseeable hardships, those beyond my control, that taught me the value of surrender, of finding peace from within, regardless of external chaos.

This path was far from straightforward. There were mornings I awoke, faced with seemingly insurmountable obstacles, spending my days engulfed in worry. I tried to outthink the problems, searched for solutions amidst despair, all while maintaining a fa?ade of calmness for my son.

I would go to bed at night praying to God to help me find solutions, and for a long time I felt as if my prayers were left unanswered.

But God has a funny way in answering your prayers in the way you need, not in the way you want.

In today's reflections, I am not going to dive into religion or into my challenges with depth. The challenges are for another time when I feel ready to share an empowering message and inspire those who are going through a difficult time, to believe that life does get better.

Today, I'm sharing the lessons I've learned and applied in navigating uncertainty, especially when the external environment is beyond our control. If you're someone who tends to seek control over your surroundings or others as a means to feel secure—and I say this without any judgment, understanding the need for control comes from a place of seeking safety—then today's reflections are particularly aimed at you.

Slow Down So you Can Speed Up

In an era where speed is king, stress reigns supreme, and serenity seems a distant dream, it's easy to be swept up in the rush. Now, don't misunderstand—speed, in its essence, isn't the culprit. It's the fuel that drives our ambitions, propelling us toward our goals. Yet, it's worth pausing to ponder a thought inspired by Denzel Washington:

“Don't confuse movement with progress. You can run in place and not get anywhere.”

This statement invites reflection on our relentless pursuit—our constant motion, endeavor, and pursuit, often without discernible advancements. The fear looms large that by pausing, by dedicating a moment to introspection, we might somehow fall behind, missing out on the next big break.

However, opportunities, much like buses, are cyclical; another is always on its way.

For a long time, I mirrored this relentless pace. Every spark of passion was immediately followed by action. Yet, more often than not, this approach didn't yield the outcomes I hoped for. It was only upon relinquishing my stubbornness, allowing myself the space to regularly pause, reflect, and rejuvenate, that the paradigm shifted.

This transformation was profound. I began to leave behind endeavors not in sync with my vision—actions that generated much activity but little substance. Instead, I adopted a new mantra, sifting my decisions through a filter of intent:

"Does this propel me forward in life?" If yes, then it's full steam ahead.

Does this help me progress in life? If the answer is yes, then let's go.

If it is no, I feel my ego's pain, I give it some love and I move on!

Conquering Today: The Power of the Next 24 Hours

There was a time in my life when each morning presented a daunting question:

How would I navigate the day ahead with mountains of obstacles before me?

Alone and drained, it was tempting to lose myself in distractions, indulging in self-pity and harboring resentment towards others.

I was naive and believed that the support I had given to others when they were in need, would be returned when I needed it most. Yet, the hard truth hit me: no one was coming to rescue me or clear my path.

Each day, the sight of those mountains paralyzed me, as my focus remained fixated on the distant peak. That was until I stumbled upon a source of unexpected inspiration—a YouTube video.

Until one day I saw an inspiring YouTube video. Yes, YouTube can be a source of misery, but if you curate your feed, it can be a source of inspiration and empowerment. I was introduced to a successful business owner who shared his life-changing strategy:

Focusing solely on the next 24 hours.

This practice, rooted in his own experiences with uncertainty, became his foundation for moving forward.

This insight sparked a profound realization within me. I began to approach my challenges in 24-hour blocks, taking small steps that gradually shifted the immovable obstacles in my path. Adopting this 24-hour focus has since become a core principle of mine. While I still plan for the future, outlining a five-year plan with quarterly milestones to maintain direction, my daily focus is on the present and what can be achieved in the next 24 hours.

Embracing Surrender: The Path to Letting Go

One of the most profound lessons I've learned is the art of surrender, specifically, letting go of the need to predict the future. Our tendency to script out life's events, expecting them to unfold just as we envision, often leads to disappointment. When reality diverges from our expectations, we're left grappling with a spectrum of negative emotions—sadness, frustration, anger.

My struggle was with attachment, particularly, an overemphasis on the "how" over the "why."

The turning point for me was a shift in focus towards understanding my motivations. I began to question the reasons behind my actions and decisions. Why am I taking this action? Why do I want to collaborate with this person? Why do I share what I share online? This introspection brought initial discomfort as it unveiled misalignments between my actions and my core values. However, this discomfort was a necessary part of my evolution. It's essential to lean into these feelings and advance regardless.

Today, I stand in a place where the outcomes of my actions hold less weight over my peace of mind. My actions are guided by my core values and intentions, freeing me from the stress and anxiety of outcomes beyond my control. I've learned to view each outcome not as good or bad but as an opportunity to choose my response, to grow and adapt. This mindset has significantly reduced my stress and anxiety, teaching me the value of trust and surrender to to something greater than myself.

From Pressure to Diamonds: Embracing Life’s Challenges

It’s a common refrain: life is hard, change is difficult. When I share my experiences and insights, I often encounter resistance, encapsulated in the response, "Oh, but that's too much work, Nadja. That's too hard."

My reply? Pick your hard. If you're lamenting the difficulty of life while staying put, eventually, the cost of inaction will eclipse the unease of change. At that juncture, the challenge becomes even greater, leaving you with no option but to move forward, often feeling caught off guard and unprepared.

Pressure, in my view, is beneficial. It’s a force that reveals our true resilience and character, not our ego. If you can remain calm, collected, and confident amid life's turmoil, then you've grasped a crucial life skill.

Facing my own adversities, I felt the urge to crumble under pressure or flee from it. Instead, I chose to confront it. I experienced the intensity, the chaos, and my deepest fears. And what did I discover?

We are not made to break under life's pressures. With faith in ourselves and our abilities to conquer immense challenges, guided by something greater, we find our strength. The pressures of life don’t aim to shatter us; rather, they crack us open, allowing us to emerge as diamonds, shining brightly with our newfound resilience and grace.

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude in Hardship

Feeling gratitude when life is smooth sailing is easy. But the real challenge arises when you lose your job, when you're unable to pay rent or buy groceries, when you reach out for help only to be turned away, leaving you to face your mountains alone. How do you find gratitude then?

In my life, the toughest times have fostered the deepest sense of gratitude.

Success might not teach us much, but the life lessons from an empty fridge, an empty wallet, and a lack of support are invaluable. Such moments bring humility and a newfound appreciation for what remains untouchable.

Amidst these trials, I began every day with gratitude. No matter how difficult the circumstances, the mere fact that I woke up to see another day felt like a blessing. Many people don’t get that chance.

I was grateful to be alive—to breathe, see, walk, and have clean water to cleanse my worries and start anew. I found joy in the ability to care for my son, whose spirited nature, challenges, and untidy habits reminded me of life’s vibrant pulse. His health and presence were reasons enough to be thankful.

My workspace, my iMac, and my clients also filled me with gratitude. My love for work, creation, innovation, writing, sharing, and teaching thrived because of a community that reads, engages, and supports my efforts.

With each passing day, things seemed to improve, even without knowing what the future held. This positive shift in my perspective assured me that better days were ahead. It reinforced the idea that to change our external situations, we must first transform our inner selves.

Imagine It, Feel It, Create It: Turning Vision into Reality

In the narrative of life's challenges, seldom do we find a fairytale ending. Contrary to the illusions often painted by Hollywood, the stark reality is that no one is coming to save us.

Like many, I wasn't born into privilege. Everything I have and am working towards is the result of hard work. The path forward isn't about secret formulas; it's about getting off the couch, out of your head, and into action. This is where the distinction between progress and mere movement becomes crucial, guiding us to move forward with intention and focus.

The law of attraction is a concept many are familiar with, and while it's true that our thoughts can shape our reality, it's equally true that success requires more than just wishful thinking. You cannot harbor jealousy, engage in negative talk about others, or sabotage those around you and still expect prosperity and positive karma to find you.

What we emit into the universe will inevitably circle back to us.

My journey out of challenging times began with visualizing the life I wanted for myself, my son, and yes, our bunny—our fluffy companion. I dedicated time to clearly envisioning our future—what it looked like, felt like, and who I needed to become to manifest this vision.

I felt the positive emotions of empowerment, confidence, success, relief, and motivation to reach higher and higher.

Then, there is no magic formula other than executing. You take actions. You stop complaining about how difficult life is, no one cares.

Truly, no one cares about your life - everyone cares about their own life. That's a harsh reality, but one reality that sets you free.

Work on something that brings you joy and adds value to the world. People will start caring when they see you as a solution, not a problem. Be a solution to someone's problem. Find problems to solve. And use your energy to create, not to stress or complain. That's a waste of your time and attention when you keep dwelling on the past, instead of building the future. Your future.

For those struggling to see beyond the immediate, who are confronted with uncertainty and insurmountable obstacles, know this: you possess the strength to overcome your challenges. The key is to stop searching externally for the push needed to move your mountains.

I hope that today's reflections will help those who are struggling seeing ahead, who are facing uncertainty and don't know how to move their mountains. Trust me when I say, that you are bigger than your mountains. But you have to stop looking outside of you for the force that will help you move your mountains. Instead, explore the power of strength that resides within you, to propel you forward.

When an archer launches their arrow, they create tension by pulling it back as far as possible, allowing it to soar as high as possible.

Love, Nadja ?? ??

P.S if you are ready to dive deeper into the world of emotional intelligence, here are three ways to get you started:

1. Subscribe to my EQ Oasis YouTube Channel.
2. Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or Bookmark Selfies of the Mind Podcast.
3. Check out a World of Emotional Intelligence through the EQ Oasis.