on emotional resilience

A few weeks ago, I was delivering a workshop on emotional resilience when I received a phone call that stopped me in my tracks and threw me into a vortex of events, emotions, and ultimately, new ideas. Someone I love deeply was being taken by ambulance to the hospital for emergency, life-saving surgery. While I don’t want to share the details of the events, I’m sure you can imagine the wave of emotions that swept over me in that moment. What followed were a few weeks of extreme and challenging days when I was living in parallel universes—the one of ‘normal’ living (as much as I could) and ‘emergency living.’

As I navigated this period, I tapped into my own life journey and the lessons I’ve learned from others and have taught myself.

One impactful sentence kept coming to me: “You will be whole again, but never the same,” wrote Elisabeth Kübler-Ross when writing about grief.

This quote symbolizes the essence of resilience for me.

Resilience comes from the Latin word ‘resilire,’ which literally means to jump back or recoil.

Yet for me, emotional resilience is not about returning to our ‘previous’ shape—to the state before something happens in our life that makes us stop, struggle, fall apart, and then overcome and move forward.

Resilience, especially emotional resilience, is about navigating through the challenge with flexibility, self-awareness, and an open mind and heart. Resilience is about facing the challenge, learning about yourself, gaining new perspectives, acknowledging the pain and suffering, and overcoming it—becoming your ‘whole self’ again, but different.

I often talk about resilience as a muscle that you can nourish and train. What you need to do is remember the key elements of your routine. This is the routine I followed every day:

• Listen to yourself—your body and mind: What do you need right now? Find your way to practice mindfulness—even a 10-minute walk can help.
• Rely on relationships—stay social (even with one person), tap into your friendships, connect with others (in a way that feels safe and comfortable for you).
• Avoid negative outlets: Numbing emotions with food, drugs, sex, or alcohol is tempting, but it doesn’t help.
• Move toward your goal: Break it down, get minimalist. Small steps work wonders, as long as you feel you are making progress.
• Learn from your past: How did you deal with similar challenges before? What helped you then may help you now.
• Accept change: This is hard for many of us, but it’s one of the most impactful things you can do.
• Look forward: Even when you get drawn into the past, keep asking yourself, “How can I make this situation work?”
• Ask for help: The bravest thing to do is ask for help when you need it. There is always someone who will at least listen (and remember, you can use anonymous support forms if that feels safer).

Navigating life’s challenges can be extremely hard. We are human, and our stories are filled with highs and lows, (un)expected turns of events, and sudden changes. And as humans, we have the capacity to move forward, face whatever life throws at us, and emerge—sooner or later—wiser, more self-aware, and able to appreciate who we become in the process.

Much love,

R

hey, I'm Raf. I share my stories hoping to invite you to reflect on life. I listen, ask and reflect for living, helping people navigate their lives. if you want to learn more, please visit www.coachraf.com

thank you for reading!