The Emotional Reckoning Of Work

The Emotional Reckoning Of Work

Couldn’t sleep for shit last night and am still somewhat tired, so I was browsing business journalism, as I sometimes do, and came across this article about managerial roles in return to work contexts. It’s an OK article. 55 million versions of this article have been written in the past three months. I actually just wrote a halfway-decent edition of this theme, on the importance of quality managerial conversations.

A lot of these articles focus on … well, they take a very heavy emotional focus, like some employees will be anti-vax, some employees will forget social skills, some people will have reconsidered their connection to work during COVID, etc. There are lots of different things to unpack here, and several interesting combinations of how things might go down in different offices as people grapple with “the return.” I’ve already written about one — which is the definition of “culture.” Execs hide behind “culture” as a synonym for “productivity,” which it’s not. In reality a lot of execs wanting a return is because they want to be worshipped in the cubicles, which they’re not at home (status, relevance) — and they are worried about real estate positions. They saw their 2020 returns. They know work, and money, is achievable with people at home. But they’re playing a game aimed at their ego.

At the front-line managerial level, what’s confusing is that yes, this is a very emotional time. Managers are supposed to be able to handle that, but we know from decades of observation and research that most managers are insanely task-focused, trains-running, managing-up types. They tend to not even care that much about their direct reports unless a problem flares up, which is also known as “absentee management.”

Are they really prepared for a moment where the emotional, conversational side of their role needs to become more important? The jury is still out.

Consider:

You should be able to bring your whole self to work, but again, for the 10,783rd time, work is a transaction at most places. You get stuff done, they pay you. If “bringing your whole self” is preventing the stuff from getting done, then it’s a problem. We need to acknowledge that. The goal, or at least the supposed goal, is “productivity.” In reality the goal is often “completion of meaningless tasks,” but that’s for another post.
The problem with this “bring your whole self to work” idea, or even the idea of “authenticity” at work , is that managers have no idea how to handle it. Let me tell you what most managers focus on:
Meetings
Calls
Payroll and back-of-house stuff
Discipline
Making sure the work gets done
Long lunches to avoid work
Failed nooners with their wife
Etc.
The first two bullets take up about 85% of managerial time, honestly. A lot of managers, the so-called “absentee” ones , barely even speak to their direct reports — sorry, sorry, their “subordinates.” You think they have time to worry about emotions? Please. The first time an employee shows any negative emotion, they’re probably going to get slapped. (Not physically, like called into a meeting.) The second time? PIP city, baby. This is just reality when dealing with a lot of managers. They think emotions are a distraction to their core job of “making the trains run” (i.e. “sitting in meetings”), not something that powers their people. That’s the fatal flaw of most managerial thinking.

Or think even about the word “vulnerability.” Let’s say you come back to work and you’re very vulnerable about your health, your connection to work, the state of your friendships and relationships, etc, etc. Is “vulnerability” considered a positive thing in organizations, writ large? No. Most managers consider vulnerability a weakness , and they punish it.

Again, will managers be able to — ahem — manage the complicated emotions of this moment?

Or consider how many managers perceive “awkward conversations:”

It takes humility to have these conversations. You must be willing to be vulnerable. You need to have trust to really engage in productive dialogue. You must also get permission from the other person. You can say something like, “I’m not sure how to say this, but I feel like we need to talk about this. Is that OK?” Or, “I realize this is awkward, but I truly want to understand more about how you are feeling. Would you be comfortable talking about this?”

Aside from someone prattling on at a trade show trying to sell books by discussing “humility,” how often do you see humility practiced in organizations? You get to the top by constantly talking about how busy, relevant, and important you are. You get to the top by smashing necks and cashing checks. There isn’t much room for “humility” or “engaging in productive dialogue.”

That’s going to be the reckoning right now. Employees will return with fear and concern and a need for situations to be de-escalated. Executives can’t be bothered to do that; white-collar work is largely feudal, and front-line managers exist because the execs don’t want to talk to us peons. So who needs to be the emotional caregivers of “the new world of work?” Managers. And what are managers likely to do? “Well, I have a 12:30pm stand-up. Can’t you get a therapist? We do offer benefits, right?”

That’s the intersection we’re about to arrive at. So if you’re scoring at home, the two reckonings coming up will be “What is the precise definition of culture and how can that word justify me having to commute 45 minutes to sit in an office?” and “I’m emotionally very jarred by everything going on. Can Gary my manager help me at all?” There are other reckonings I’ll get to in future posts, as well.

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