Emotional Intelligence & Selling: Perfected Together

Whether you’re a sales and marketing professional, or someone who needs to get others to buy into your ideas and points of view, emotional intelligence is perhaps the most powerful approach to doing both exceptionally well.

Emotional intelligence is part of every human being’s internal design. Simply put, we are emotional beings. According to the Oxford Dictionary, emotional intelligence is a human being’s “capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle?interpersonal?relationships?both judiciously?and with empathy.” ?Selling, leading, and managing are all an emotional sports, so one’s emotional intelligence goes a long way to determining whether someone will be liked and trusted, two prerequisite conditions for anyone to buy a solution, idea, or desire to deepen a relationship with someone else.

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Emotional Intelligence Fun Facts

Emotional intelligence (EQ) has been around since the dawn of mankind, but was popularized over the past 25 years through groundbreaking work by authors like Howard Gardner , Daniel Goleman and Dr. Travis Bradberry . Here are several fun facts about EQ:

• EQ is one of about a dozen recognized types of intelligence (musical, spatial, IQ, linguistic, kinesthetic).
• EQ, unlike IQ, can be learned, and therefore raised over time.
• EQ naturally increases in a person as he or she ages; we are said to reach peak EQ between the ages of 50 and 60.
• EQ has been shown to be component of success in professions that involve interacting with people.
• EQ plays a significant role in decision making.
• EQ can be measured using validated, reliable, and correlated assessments.
• People tend to overestimate their own level of EQ.

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Why Emotional Intelligence is a Powerful Factor in Selling Effectiveness

One of the very first lessons I learned in selling was that people only buy from people whom they like and trust.? If people don’t like you, chances are they won’t like what you say and how you say it, and that leads to rejection.? If they don’t trust you, why would they ever do something you suggested to them?? Like and trust are also both essential to relationship building, which is key to fostering repeat business.?

Here’s another true statement, both in selling and in life: The most effective people are those people who first understand themselves, then they understand other people and situations, and as a result adapt their approach to be more successful with other people and situations.? Emotional intelligence can help us to better understand both ourselves and others.

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Two Different Levels of Emotional Intelligence

While there are several different models that describe emotional intelligence, most agree that EQ occurs on two levels:

1. Interpersonal: what goes on inside a person
2. Intrapersonal: what goes on between people

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In the pie diagram, interpersonal is in red while intrapersonal is blue.? Each of the five aspects of EQ are directly related to the selling process.? Let’s define each one as well as its application in the sales process.?

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Intrapersonal Emotional Intelligence (what goes on inside us)

Self-awareness. This is our ability to identify our moods, emotions, and drives and how they change as we experience life moment-by-moment. How we feel about something affects our body language and is observable to others in our expression and demeanor.

For example, in a sales situation, self-awareness enables us to perceive the early stages of our getting frustrated with a customer or prospect as they provide incomplete answers as part of our initial discovery or to diagnose a post-sale concern. Or recognizing that we are too wordy with a customer who prefers “simple.” Or if our facial expression shows skepticism when empathy would be more appropriate.

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Self-regulation. This is our capacity to control or redirect our own disruptive impulses and moods, and to suspend judgment to think things through before acting. Self-regulation acts in concert with self-awareness and helps us channel our energy into more productive directions.

Consider the first example given for self-awareness above.? The moment we recognize our own frustration with the incomplete answers, we immediately tell ourselves to eliminate our frustrated expression and replace it with one of interest, and perhaps express empathy to the customer by saying, “I realize that my questions may seem a bit much – it’s important to have enough information so that I can give you the precise answers that you need.” ??

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Motivation. Motivation as the word is used here is our understanding of what specifically motivates us intrinsically to act, and to draw upon our intrinsic motivation to persevere in the face of resistance. Each person has multiple intrinsic motivators, one of which is knowledge, how we value it to learn and use.

For example, suppose you are asked by your client to participate in a 90-minute presentation on something that does not interest you.? Because you know that the presentation is important to your client, you use your intrinsic knowledge motivator of learning new things to readjust your attitude so you can more fully engage in the presentation.

Interpersonal Emotional Intelligence (how we relate to other people)

Social awareness. This is our ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and how our words and actions affect them. When this competence is fully developed we possess the unique skill of treating other people according to their emotional reactions.?

We might call this reading the buyer. During a sales presentation, social awareness enables us to gauge the buyer’s interest level and adjust the presentation in real time in order to improve how it resonates with the buyer.? We’ll more clearly see the aspects of our solution that they favor, as well as the aspect that hold little value or interest for them.? This ability is especially helpful in situations where multiple decision makers and influencers are reacting to our presentation.

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Social regulation. This aspect of EQ describes our capacity to influence others, manage relationships, and build a network of people who will be predisposed to favor us.? In other words, how we use the ability discern the emotional temperature of others and adjust our approach to build rapport, common ground and collaborate with them. ?Social regulation explains how others view our likability and trustworthiness, essential to a seller-buyer relationship.? ?

Consider a situation where there are eight or nine client-side people that comprise the buying committee. ?Each individual has a different area of responsibility, with different personalities and behavioral styles.? With well-developed social regulation it will be easier to find common ground and build rapport with each person, who views you as responsive to his or her individual concerns and needs.? Since people buy from people they like and trust, having well-developed levels of social regulation gives you a decided advantage over competitors who possess lower emotional intelligence.

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Bottom Line

Research by Dr. Travis Bradberry indicates that ninety percent of high performers possess high emotional intelligence, which allows them to significantly outsell and outearn people who possess average levels of EQ.? For anyone in a sales, marketing, and business development role, EQ is your new best friend!

If you’d like to learn more about this topic and access some of the powerful, game-changing EQ tools, please reach out to me. We offer a world-class EQ assessment for selling and leadership roles, along with our award-winning training and coaching.? Check out these links:? B2B Sales Essentials? Module 15, Selling with Emotional Intelligence and Leading Through People? Module 18 , Leading More Effectively With Emotional Intelligence.

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About me: Since founding Boyer Management Group 26 years ago, I’ve been blessed to work with some of the world’s top employers by helping them get the most out of their talented people. Thanks to our clients, the company I founded in 1998, Boyer Management Group, was recognized by CEO Monthly Magazine in 2023 and again in 2024, awarding us their “Most Influential CEO Award” in the executive coaching field. Our coaching programs produce remarkable results in compressed periods of time. Our extensive leadership development course catalog provides effective skills-building for everyone in the organization, from the new and developing leader to the seasoned C-level executive.? BMG boasts one of the most extensive sales and sales management curriculums anywhere, with behavioral assessments to help develop talent.?To find out more, please visit us at www.boyermanagement.com , email us at [email protected] , or call us at 215-942-0982.