Emotional Intelligence: A Quick Overview

Have you ever been involved in a conversation and you felt like you weren’t following? Did you walk away wondering what just happened? When we interact with people we are receiving millions of data points that dial us into the conversation. We look for visual cues, listen for tone, and interpret words continuously. Yet sometimes things just seem off. Our brains are configured to look for subtle clues to determine how a person is feeling, what they are thinking, and how they will react to your response. Some people possess a natural ability, others have to work at it. In one test only 36% of people were able to accurately identify their emotions as they happened. Research shows people with high IQ don’t necessarily have a high EQ, but people with high EQ seem to do better in the workplace.?

Our emotions start at the spinal cord, where receptors push information through our brain. Now here’s the tricky part, the impulses are destined for our frontal lobe, but pass through our limbic system (where we feel) first. This is why people get emotional before they think rationally. You have to understand this process to improve your EQ. Awareness is key. I remember a situation where I was a supervisor and was responsible for ensuring a safe and efficient shift. I observed an employee doing something unsafe so I approached to correct the situation. I simply stated what the issue was and how to correct it, but this employee was having none of it. They went from 0 to 100, screaming at me that I wasn’t their father (I wasn’t) and walked away. I should have left the situation there, allowing the employee to speak with another supervisor at the time. I lacked EQ in that situation.?????

There are four areas for measuring EQ specifically The first is being aware of emotions. This is probably one of the hardest parts of EQ because we are naturally emotional. We get invested in our work and we want others to accept our ideas. But what happens when others just don’t get it? Do you get angry? Do you selflessly defend your position, getting a little aggressive along the way? That is your emotions getting the best of you. From there you express your emotions, the second measurement of EQ. Your reaction will determine how you build relationships, how you interact with others, and your overall reaction to situations. Third is controlling your emotions. You have to have a certain level of EQ to know that you’ve gone internal in the situation and are no longer acting reasonably. The last is relationship management, how you interact with others on a daily basis. EQ is a continuous effort, not just a one time thing. You have to consciously work at it to get better, but the good news is there is always room for growth.?

The book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 states there are five core feelings we all have. They are happiness, sadness, anger, fear and shame. From there it goes on to chart the intensity of each feeling. The book continues to break down EQ into two competencies, personal and social. These two are further broken down into Social-awareness, Self-awareness, Self-management and relationship management. We will look at each in detail.???????

Personal Competence

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is all about understanding your own emotions. What makes you tick, how do you react to situations. We want situations to play out how we envision them, we get emotionally invested. When that doesn’t happen we get upset, we go internal. Think about a meeting you were in where one of your ideas was proposed and met with resistance. You feel yourself starting to heat up as your plan gets disassembled. You react emotionally, defending your idea rather than being reasonable. Being self-aware means knowing yourself and seeking self improvement, a leadership principle I learned in the Marine Corps. You can start by being in touch with your emotions, you have to know when you are getting emotional and head that off before it runs out of control.?????????

Self-management?

This is all about taking control of your emotions or managing them appropriately in situations. Have you ever been in a conversation and held something back that you thought might escalate the situation? That is self-management. The more we are able to manage our emotions the better we will grasp what is going on around us. Self-management is about being flexible, your ability to tolerate uncertainty.???????

Social Competence?

Social Awareness

Social awareness is about being in tune with your environment. We have a natural tendency to assume things in conversations, which affects our listening ability, but if you're not listening you are likely to miss the point. Many of us are guilty of this, formulating our own thoughts about the interaction instead of listening. Yet the more we pay attention the more likely you are to connect with other people. Think about a time you dealt with a difficult person in a store or at work. Did you take it personally???

Relationship management

A natural by-product of social awareness is relationship management. Each day we have an opportunity to build relationships with everyone we come into contact with, but if your emotional intelligence is lacking the complete opposite can happen. That’s why it’s important to listen. Great leaders do this well, which gives them the insight needed to inspire a team to greatness.?????

What I just covered is the tip of the iceberg. Emotional intelligence takes continuous development to get good at it, but the good news you can (unlike IQ and Personality, which you are born with). LinkedIn Learning has numerous classes on EQ. There are books that you can?read such as Emotional Intelligence 2.0, it’s a good place to start. In the book you get a free code to take an EQ test to see what your strengths and weaknesses are. You can also develop in real time, consciously applying techniques to improve your emotional intelligence. The more EQ you have the more you will understand people and nurture relationships. As you begin to develop your EQ you will learn things about people you didn’t know before. You will learn what people are passionate about and how to seize that for positive results.