The Emotional Impact of Losing Your Furry Friend; my Journey with Grief

Grief can take many forms and stem from many reasons. Individual grief can be experienced from the loss of a job, a home, the end of a relationship with a partner or friend, or even the collective grief we experienced in 2020, life as we knew it changed.

And, of course, the most common cause of grief is the finality of the loss we experience from death. The confusion and pain of grief are so personal and unfathomable that it's impossible to compare, as we all grieve differently.

"The worst loss is always our loss." Grief expert David Kessler.

I have experienced grief when losing older relatives and pets; however, in this instance, the grief was often accompanied by relief and the realization that a terminally ill loved one was no longer suffering. This type of grief often gives you time to prepare for the worst, and the grieving process is almost over when the day arrives.

When looking after my terminally ill dog Gemma, I hated the feeling of playing God and had over a year of caring for my girl and making sure she wasn't in pain. I worried so much about making “the call”, as our brains really don't like indecision! But when I knew it was time, it was a very special moment to have the vet visit our home, where she passed away surrounded by family. There were tears, but so much love and good memories. Even the cat came to sit with us.

In times like these, grief can be accompanied by other emotions: fear, loneliness, panic, pain, yearning, anxiety, and emptiness. There may also be gratitude that our burden of care is over (and there may also be a shame for feeling this way).

A very deep and life-changing grief was when I had my first miscarriage at 27 years old, naively having no idea it was even possible! At four months pregnant, I remember the stillness and shock of being in the hospital as the doctors told us our baby had died, and the pain in the weeks following was immense as I processed the loss.

I thought that I had processed the loss until recently. When our dearest little dog Daisy died unexpectedly. The sudden nature of her passing put me into a shock that triggered a cascade of grief. It's only been 3 weeks now since my Daisy passed away, and the grief still comes in overwhelming waves of sadness.

It happened too quickly for us and can only be grateful she didn’t suffer. At 8 am we took her to the vet but were sent home to watch her, within a few hours she was losing control of her back legs, we were continually searching for a paralysing tick as it made no sense why she couldn’t walk and so we took her straight back to the vet.

They said they wished it was a tick; unfortunately, it was a burst disc in her back and it needed scans and maybe surgery. Within 24 hours, I received a phone call from my husband, his voice telling me she wasn’t going to make it, the overwhelming flood of emotions ripped through my body as I prayed and cried.

2 years ago, this tiny dog had arrived in our lives unexpectedly as she needed to be re-homed. To be honest, when I took the call, my first reaction was, "We aren't getting more dogs or pets. Our kids are grown up; we have a caravan…” there were so many reasons, but when I heard her name was Daisy, the same as my Nan, I knew she was meant for me. She came to our house timid, less than 2kg and so scared of men and being covered by blankets but she was a pocket rocket full of unconditional love and joy.

I remember standing with my kids and my husband Mike, all of us clapping with excitement when she sat on command. Our family hadn't been connected like that for such a long time. She was the glue that brought love back into our family, and for that, I will forever be grateful, and the gift will not be wasted.

We managed to get to the hospital to be with her at the end. She wasn't even three years old, and I think she was too tiny. Her disc ruptured, and it damaged her spinal nerves. Something I'm now told is genetic and often happens because dogs have been bred to be so small! WTF is wrong with people who continue to breed dogs that they know are going to cause problems?

Grief is not something you can avoid, and we're taking it day by day together. There is nothing to do to help or change things. Kind friends have come and sat with us, sent messages, and called. I'm grateful for the love and especially the empathy from my friends who have lost their own fur babies.

The grief is still raw and comes back in waves as we move through our spaces without our Daisy. We brought her tiny body home. I sat and painted her a sign and wrapped her up in the pink blanket she arrived in, and we said our goodbyes again. A gift of a seaside Daisy plant was left at our front door by our beautiful neighbours.

Life doesn't make sense, and I don't know why we only got to have such a short time with her.

It's unfair, it hurts, and it sucks

At the other end of the grief spectrum is joy, a brief state of intense happiness. Brene Brown believes that joy stems from a feeling of deep connection and appreciation and that it has a spiritual aspect, a sense of experiencing something greater or more powerful than ourselves.

To experience grief, you have to experience joy, and I wouldn't give up one day of the time we had to avoid this process. Daisy must have thought she landed in heaven when she arrived with us from her suburban apartment. Our garden was almost an Amazon jungle from her tiny viewpoint of the world. From the moment she woke up and bounced and explored each morning to the feeling of her tiny footprints as she walked up your back to get cozy for the night, just being with her brought us so much joy.

Looking back, my darkest moments have always made me stronger, moments, where I've learned new life lessons, have always been a catalyst for change but that doesn't help when the pain is fresh. For now, I’m taking in one day at a time, remembering good times and allowing myself to process emotions for Daisy, and finally having the courage to deal with the grief that I don’t know if I was capable of healing within my 20s.

I don't believe the grief will ever go away, but I do know that the sun is always there behind the clouds and tomorrow is a new day.

Curiosity Essential,

Lisa G

Always ask for help if you are experiencing grief or unbearable heartache, having someone just sit with you can really lighten the load, even if it's just for a moment. Reach out in my DM's if you ever need a friend to listen.

Original images used in Photoshop montage

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