Emotional Fatigue

I remember when...

I remember, I remember when I lost my mind

There was something so pleasant about that place

Even your emotions have an echo in so much space

Crazy by Cee-lo Green, March 2006

Music plays a huge part in how we endure certain challenges in our lives. Sometimes the emotions will have a resounding echo that keeps replaying in our minds. Raise your hand if you have ever endured regrets, and it eventually led to burnouts? We start to sing the shoulda, coulda, woulda blues and replaying the images in our mind. Great people in psychology say that if you keep doing things in a repetitive manner then, you are living the life of insanity. I will agree that we have all endured personal and professional insanity. I will raise both of my hands to say that I am a victim of insanity, which led to emotional fatigue. Emotional fatigue a.k.a burnout is an exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress, or frustration while the definition of a paradigm is simply stated as an example or pattern. When we were growing up as children, we were taught to obey what our parents said and endure the various amounts of emotional, physical, and psychological abuse. Our parents wanted us to do better than them because they were lacking something that they were unable to fulfill from their own lives. Sometimes the amount of abuse from emotional fatigue would either position you for success or take you down a path of giving up. We tend to see a lot of this on reality or Hollywood television. However, what if what you see on TV is your soap opera reality?

When we were matriculating through our primary, secondary, and collegiate education, we were taught to reach our full potential and take a lot of courses in order to graduate. Then your parents give you the ultimatum that either you’re going into the military, get a job, or going to college/university. The stories that I’ve shared on LinkedIn and various podcasts have stated that I’ve lived an unorthodox life, both professionally and personally. Because of my unorthodox tactics, it led towards a smaller circle, negative commentary, and isolation. People tend to provide their feedback when they don’t have the appropriate credentials to judge others, not realizing that maybe they are currently dealing with are their own insecurities. I have realized that after all of this, I do not regret my shortcomings because I know that I am resilient and will bounce back from any situation.

Family thought I should go into computers, I rebelled and wanted to do other things. When I was a child, I wanted to be a scientist because I was involved in science related activities. As I grew older and attended Junior HS, I wanted to become a medical doctor. I was the kid that was teased or the bully in Elementary and Junior High School. I was the one that wasn't considered as the favorite but quickly teased by my peers for being a teacher’s pet or a suck up. I was the kid that took remedial math and was not tested to be with the upper elite group of people that were in Discovery or Impact courses. Some people give you an award out of pity because you were the last one becoming something. Maybe at a young age you learned how not to become complacent and conform to people’s tactics. The art of dependency was starting to become more of a burden than a beneficial gain. As I reflect, I’ve learned that I was experiencing a childhood emotional fatigue. I say childhood burnout because I was raised by a single mother and aunts. I would repeat the insanity cycle from Pre-School to 6th grade with this strict schedule: School from 7 AM – 4 PM. 1 hour to attempt to do homework or bring it to my next home; Endured the tight discipline and religious experience and be in bed by 7 PM; Woke up between 2:30 AM-4AM and went home for a quick nap and complete the remaining homework until it was time to attend school. When Middle and High School arrived, I was raised by telephone and learned the art of being responsible. This is called adolescence emotional fatigue. High school might as well be considered a popularity contest because you are in competition against your peers to see if you were going to be in the top percentage of your graduating class. The course load of taking 6-7 courses and engaged in extra curriculum can lead to fatigue. When you put things into perspective, you realize you have endured a lot of peer pressure, the art of isolation, comparison, and competition.

By the time I graduated from High School and attended College, I’ve wanted every bit of escape which led to an exodus but the beginning of emotional fatigue. I was not aware that I was experiencing emotional fatigue, I was just going through the daily activities of life. Because of the early signs of emotional fatigue, I was determined to not allow anything or anybody to stand in my way.

The route that I’ve taken to obtain a college education and find employment was a bit from the norm, but I wanted to make sure that I was living my best life. It’s interesting, we tend to get caught up on life factors, we start to learn about ourselves and have doubts on what we want to be when we grow up. Maybe we’re scared about life and don’t know how to handle our full potential. Maybe the wisdom from our parents or influential leaders were either half-truths or majority fabrications. In this soul-searching period, we are needing to understand the truth for ourselves. I was always listening to those that spoke the ideal truth until I received my first rounds of negativity in my teenage life and the thoughts started to sink in my thoughts. Personally, I’ve endured more negativity from college to my adult professional years, which caused me to have doubts and replaying thoughts in my mind. Add the past experiences and pressure plus, listening to my family about the golden principles that I don’t need to take a vacation and that I need to save my time for what is important and work myself to the point of exhaustion. When I continued with this cycle, I realized that I was enduring the emotional fatigue.

We tend to base our ideologies from the false pretenses of what is perceived on social media. We tend to feel jealous because people are envious of your accomplishments and wanting to be just like you. The negative experience that we perceive from social media shapes us to experiencing depression which continues to fester in the emotional fatigue. The concept of entitlement tends to shape the very essence of emotional fatigue. We tend to feel that we need to have this or that now because someone else has it. What is it we are trying to prove in our professional or personal lives? Are we living our own path and destinies, or are we living in the lives of other’s expectations of us? Regardless, this can lead towards the negative aspects of the emotional fatigue.

From my personal experience, I've endured my rounds of negative setbacks from childhood and it shaped my perspective on what I thought life was all about. From one stance, it was taught in my culture that you must attend a religious affiliation and pray your way through it and not address the root of the issue. But what do you do when the root of the issue starts at home and you do not have a solid foundation? How and why should you address those underlying issues? What do you do when the pressure of life gets the best of you? How well do you cope and manage your stress levels? Who can you confide in when you're going through things in your personal and professional life?

How do you overcome emotional fatigue in your personal and professional life?

I've decided to interview my colleague, Dr. Jennifer Hahn, LPC on her perspective on emotional fatigue and how it relates to both professional and personal life. Dr. Jennifer Hahn, LPC, is a solution-focused therapist in the Metro Atlanta area. She has over 10+ years of experience working with individuals who are struggling to work on themselves. Her goal is to help individuals to uncover their true potential and lead a life that is worth celebrating. 

Dr. Jennifer Hahn, LPC The key to success in any life skill is to not let yourself be defined by your past. There are numerous success stories of those who had less than favorable opportunities during their lifespan that did not hold them back from greatness! One of the biggest things they said about their success was that they didn’t let their childhood define them, they found their own self and rose above it. Often, our mind wants to take accountability for other people’s actions, and we feel guilt or shame and think of ourselves as less than. We weren’t created to be ‘less than’ people. We were given the potential for greatness, provision, and opportunity. That is why we are called individuals not everybodividuals. By learning to take care of our self and build our own path, will we truly be happy? How do we do that? Take the time to learn who you are.

Our personalities are a learned behavior through watching others in our environment and how they react or move through a situation. You can learn to consider your values and morals that were instilled in you from birth and match them up to what you want out of life. If they don’t match…don’t do it! If you were raised around anger, hate, hurt, habits, hang-ups, and chaos: take some time to reflect on how that made you feel. If you didn’t like the way it made you feel or how you make others feel, then change it. Look at the people in your life, do they exude negative thoughts, actions, words or are they positive in their outlook, have goals and aspirations? Do they make you want to be around them or run from them? If you are surrounded by negativity, then you will be negative, and it will be difficult to see your world as anything but dark and dank. If you can see that your life is not based on others and you choose to see a way out, then take it! Clean house! Even if it is family, set boundaries, take what they have to say (if toxic) and let it roll off your shoulders. What they have to say to you is out of something they missed in their lives or how they were raised and are projecting that onto you…it really has nothing to do with you, so don’t let it affect you!

To break emotional fatigue, you have to break emotional alliance, and do you. Take time to rest, reflect on yourself, and find a way to balance YOUR mind, body, and soul. A key point to remember…if you live in your past, you are living in depression; if you live in the worry of your future, you are living in anxiety; if you live in the ‘right now,’ you are living in the present and at peace with all that you are called to do. By living for yourself and in the present, you open your mind to the capability of your full potential. You can think for yourself, reflect upon yourself, and move within yourself. You will have control and not feel powerless. 

Take a moment now and think, “Am I living for me and defining my own version of myself, or Have I let others define me”? If you are letting others define you, it’s time to pull the plug, set some boundaries, and get moving. Make a shift to who you want to be and how you want to get there.

After interviewing Dr. Hahn’s profound response, it’s appropriate to share our collaboration of tips with you regarding some lifestyle changes on emotional fatigue. In life, you will have several challenges and want to find strategies on how to bounce back and become resilient. We hope that these steps will allow you to become Resilient and being able to Bounce Back from emotional fatigue.

·      Perform Self-Care: Be True to Thy Own Self

·      Learn how to take a break and listen to your mind and body

·      Meditate and reflect on things that matters for the present moment.

·      Learn the art of saying No. No is a complete sentence and statement and you don’t have to prove this to anybody.

·      Learn not to allow circumstances to rent space in your mind.

·      Learn how not be taken advantage from people that are jealous of you and using your situation as a personal attack 

·      Learn not to share everything with everybody.

·      Learn to step away from situations and not returning from them

·      Find your inner peace and gaining clarity 

·      Visualize the things that will make you happy in life 

·      Practice what you preach 

·      Learn to get professional help or confide in someone that is willing to become an ear in your time of being burned out.

·      Find an accountability partner.

·      Detox from Social Media and Reconnect with Nature

To learn more about Dr. Jennifer Hahn's tele-health practice and services, please visit: https://bit.ly/2GTkZAJ and her LinkedIn page: https://bit.ly/2GOdJ9f