Emotional Energy, Dependency, and Hostage Situations
Every human being has energy, but the level of energy may differ from individual to individual based on one’s biological formation. Human beings experience emotions such as happiness, love, surprise, sadness, fear, and anger, and we need energy for physical and mental tasks. Our bodies are unique machines that produce the energy that is used for these tasks. For example, if you were to work in the yard for four hours mowing the lawn, you would feel tired and have no energy when you were finished. After resting for a few hours, you may feel better and be able to have fun with friends and family. This is an excellent example of how the body generates and uses energy to allow us to function as human beings. As a human being, you must learn how to manage your energy and direct it toward the appropriate physical and emotional tasks.
Emotional dependency and hostage situations occur in the workplace, family life, and social organizations because humans are involved in their surroundings, and they have emotions. There is a difference between being emotionally dependent and being an emotional hostage. Two or more parties are involved in both dependency and hostage situations. However, in the case of dependence, a person depends on someone else for the fulfillment of his or her emotional needs because of individual psychological conditions. Sometimes, emotional dependency creates a situation in which one party manipulates another unknowingly to gain benefits from the dependence.
As an example from the workplace, an employee in an organization may be persistently concerned about their performance because of a lack of self-confidence in accomplishing the assigned tasks and the expectation of close co-workers’ or the supervisor’s constant positive feedback.
An experienced supervisor would recognize this situation and address the issue of self-confidence by encouraging the employee to take personal development workshops rather than building an emotional dependence relationship in the workplace.
An inexperienced supervisor may open the door to emotional dependency in the workplace by offering to check every time the task is complete. Once the employee becomes dependent on the supervisor, the supervisor may unconsciously use the dependence to gain personal benefits by giving additional work or assigning other activities.
The same situation may arise in the personal lives of adults and children. For example, a knowledgeable adult may recognize an issue of self-confidence and help a child build up his or her self-esteem. In contrast, a person lacking knowledge may create a dependent relationship and see the opportunity to use the dependence to gain control in family dynamics.
In an emotional hostage situation, one party consciously tries to control the other party by using emotional games to satisfy their needs. These needs can be psychological, monetary, or both.
In the workplace, employees could become emotional hostages to co-workers or supervisors. In rare cases, managers may become emotional hostages. The most common emotion that fosters an emotional hostage situation is fear.
In our personal lives, children and older adults are vulnerable to becoming emotional hostages to family members and friends. The most common emotions that fosters an emotional hostage situation is love and fear. At an early age, children cannot regulate their energy to manage their emotions and may become targeted as emotional hostages. In addition, older adults have limited energy, and constant pressure through emotional games may make them targets as well.
The answers to few "yes" or "no" questions may help us understand how energy is absorbed in emotional games.
Would you dine at a restaurant with a poor rating?
Would you deny something, knowing it is wrong?
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Would you defend something, knowing it is wrong?
Would you protect someone, knowing it is wrong?
Would you support someone knowing it is wrong?
Would you invest in a business not knowing it is profitable??
Would you break a relationship because of your friends?
Would you use emotions to gain psychological benefits?
Would you use emotions to gain monetary benefits?
Would you think more about others than yourself?
A higher score shows significant involvement in emotional games. It means a lot of energy is consumed by the emotional game that the individual could have used to accomplish workplace or personal tasks.