Emotional Containment in Coaching.

I come across these scenarios frequently in my sessions. I have learned to offer my deep presence and words to soothe the client in my sessions. I know the skill that will translate the felt empathy in words, deeds, and behaviour.

We should be there for others! So often, I hear this platitude.

The question that is asked frequently is 'How?'

What should I say or do that will show someone I am indeed there for them?

I decided today to demonstrate that skill with examples. Enjoy the lessons and thank me later!

Scenario: A client breaks down in tears while sharing feelings of failure in their career.

What Can Go Wrong: The coach/leader ( We will refer to the term coach or leader in an interchangeable way) might react in ways that unintentionally amplify the client’s/ co-workers distress:

Over-Sympathizing:

• Coach says: “Oh no, this is terrible! You must feel so hopeless. I can’t imagine how you’re dealing with this.
• ”Impact: The client may feel overwhelmed by the coach’s emotional response, which reinforces their sense of helplessness

Minimizing:

• Coach says: “Don’t cry—it’s not that bad. You’ll get through it.”
• Impact: This invalidates the client’s emotions, making them feel dismissed or misunderstood.

Taking Control:

• Coach says: “Let me suggest what you should do next to fix this.”
• Impact: The client might feel rushed or disempowered, as their emotions haven’t been fully processed yet.

The Appropriate Thing to Do and Say:

Hold the Space with Calmness and Empathy:

• Coach’s actions: Stay calm, maintain open body language, and avoid interrupting.

Coach says:

“It’s okay to feel this way. Take your time; I’m here with you.”

“I see how much this means to you. Let’s sit with this for a moment.”

• Impact: The client feels safe to express their emotions fully without fear of judgment or invalidation

Acknowledge Without Over-Identifying or Minimizing:

Coach says:

“It sounds like this has been really heavy for you. Thank you for trusting me with this.”

“Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to let them out here.”

Impact: The client feels validated and understood, which can help them process their emotions more effectively.

Guide Them Back to a Constructive Space:

• Coach says:

What do you need most right now—would you like to explore this further, or take a moment to breathe?”

“When you’re ready, we can talk about how to move forward from here.”

Impact: This gives the client agency and encourages them to transition toward action when they feel ready.

Why Emotional Containment is Important:

• For the Coachee:

1. Creates Safety: Allows them to express vulnerability without fear of being judged or overwhelmed. It gives them a sense of being held and safe enough to unload emotions.
2. Encourages Reflection: Helps them process emotions in a supportive environment before moving to solutions. As they take time to think around the situations, emotions settle down. The pre-frontal cortex comes back online and they create thought frameworks around next steps to take. That moment of being understood relaxes them.
3. Fosters Trust: Reinforces that the coach is there to support them without taking over or dismissing their experience. They can feel instead of defend what they feel. That is a gift.

• For the Coach:

1. Maintains Professional Boundaries: Prevents over-identification with the client’s pain, ensuring objectivity. It makes the coach set clear lines around whose problem it is.
2. Enhances Effectiveness: Keeps the session focused on growth rather than getting derailed by unchecked emotions. Instead of focusing on defending and justifying, reassuring or pacifying coach can bring in forward movement in the session.
3. Builds Emotional Resilience: Strengthens the coach’s ability to navigate challenging sessions without burnout. When the coach or the leader is trained and skilled in this area, they know what to bring forward to bring dysregulation into co-regulation!

Summary: Emotional containment is the coach’s ability to hold a client’s emotions without amplifying or diminishing them. It’s about being a calm, steady presence while gently guiding the client through their experience. Done well, it deepens trust, facilitates emotional processing, and supports meaningful progress.