Emotional Consistency is not emotional suppression

If I was to do a straw poll of our coaching clients, and I asked them the one thing that they value from their leader, one common answer would be (and yes, we have asked) emotional consistency. Or a derivation of such.?

And what I interpret this as meaning is not only emotional consistency, but also behavioural consistency. In short, and from your team’s perspective, all they want is for ‘the same leader to show up every day’ (or at least most days). Leaders that are all over the place, create teams that are all over the place. A client told me recently that they didn’t know which version of their leader they were getting each day. And that is seriously uncool from a leadership perspective.?

But what is emotional consistency???

I think that it is important to acknowledge that leadership is emotional work, and it challenges us daily to stay consistent and in control. Given that; emotional control is not about experiencing the crappy emotions. It is about not lashing out with venom and hurting others, because you have just got bad news, or because your world has gone boom.??

From a psychological perspective, humans can’t know what light is without dark. We can’t know happiness without sadness. Humans can only have an experience, or an emotion, if we have a contrast or something to compare it to. So, positive emotions are only possible because we have the not so positive emotions. In the moments of not so positive, don’t supress your emotions, reframe them, and channel them for good.??

Find that way inside yourself, to switch your thinking and feeling so that your emotional state, whatever it is, helps others, not hurts them. Heals others, not harms them. It you need some support, or tips on this, please reach out to me at [email protected] .??

In short, great leadership is about predictable leadership. Consistent leadership. That is the easiest way to say it, really. Don’t be a cyclone or a hurricane. Be a gentle breeze that has a cooling effect, instead of a natural disaster effect.

To unpack emotional control differently, and just off topic for a paragraph – I read a lot of books – and I reach out to the authors when I finish them. One author, Sky Nelson Isaacs (author of the book?Living in Flow) explained it beautifully in a LinkedIn message reply, where he shared:?

“I'm very keen on the journey of controlling emotions. Not silencing them, mind you, but channelling them to the right output, so that we can stay in flow. When we suppress emotions, our equilibrium starts to shift, so eventually we need to blow off steam. Good leaders under pressure can transmute those difficult emotions into caring and loving emotions and stay top of their game.”?

And I think that sums up emotional control. And why it is not emotional suppression. It is about emotional channelling, to use our emotions, regardless of what we are experiencing as leaders – for good.??

With emotional control comes behavioural control, comes situational control. And with that comes a high performing team, who are not freaking out about how their leader will respond if they share bad news or new ideas… crappy leaders are like that… and that’s not you…?

Last week I ran a webinar on this topic – feel free to check it out here .

And reach out for your free 15 minute ‘Leadership Under Pressure – Review and Refocus ’ diagnostic, where we can unpack how you can be more emotionally consistent and channelled.?

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About Anton Guinea

Leaders struggle with their mental health, too... Often finding it difficult to lead under pressure.

Anton is an entrepreneur, speaker, consultant, bestselling author and founder of The Guinea Group. Over the past 15 years, with over 150+ global organisations, he has inspired workplace leadership, safety and cultural change. He’s achieved this by combining his corporate expertise, education (Bachelor of Psychology), and infectious energy.

Get in touch ?with Anton today.