Emotional Cadence: 3 Ways To Master your Mind

Before I began learning how to master my mind, I was 17. It was on a crisp, autumn, Sunday afternoon after church, that a group of fellas, and myself, trotted down a ravine into the “holler” behind one of their residences. Armed with a handle of Evan’s and a bundle of discounted grass to roll up, we marched like minions on our way to seize the means of intoxication. Our purpose? To get lit, sloshed, and unadulteratedly fucked into oblivion.?

Were we successful? With flying colors.

Having Seized the Means of Intoxication….

The following events were a bit of a blur, but I do remember it fondly. It was the first time in my life that I had experienced any sort of escape and true comradery with my fellow man after being isolated in a homeschool community among other emotionally unavailable and traumatized kids and parents.?

I can truthfully say that there was no real harm done. We didn’t drive under the influence, we were in a safe place, away from the possibility of any real danger and we enjoyed our time. I was, however, videotaped taking an unflattering dive into the mud trying to relieve myself. It seemed a small price to pay for the lack of connection I had never had until then.?

The introduction of a means to escape did, however, spur a re-positioning that would become detrimental to my emotional mastery for years to come. When we engage with the process of becoming sober, one of the fundamental shifts is AWAY from escape, and FURTHER INTO the emotions we do not understand. Mastering our emotions takes grit and determination that once eluded us in addiction. Getting tossed with friends is certainly no environment for this. The process is lengthy and, truthfully, takes the rest of our lives to master. However, there are a few perspective shifts that we can engage with to reach a plateau that will allow us to at least start liking ourselves again, but more important how to start master our mind and emotional awareness.?

To Master your Mind, Lean Into The Dark?

If you find yourself early in Sobriety, it is likely that you have gone to at least one AA meeting. You may have heard of the ole “90 meetings in 90 days”. The idea that you need to attend consistent, daily, meetings for 90 days is a successful practice. The reason it is successful is not because of the meeting itself, rather, it is successful because of the gentle and consistent push you experience to face the parts of yourself that you don’t like. It is easy to talk about your mistakes and darkness when others around you are freely doing so.?

Meetings are a practice of showing empathy to yourself; a tenant of emotional mastery. When we invite the darkness in for a proverbial cup of tea, we are making ourselves vulnerable to the possibility of change. (I have written more about this idea?here!).?

Sitting down with our demons and asking them intentional questions allows us to separate ourselves, briefly, from the overly-easy practice of making our darkness a part of our identity. When we lean into it, strategically, we start to learn that this is not who we are.?

It is important to note that, for many, it is easy to get lost and spiral out of control. This practice should be under the guidance of a sober coach and your therapist to start. However, if we take the approach that we are making friends with our darkness rather than simply accepting it for who we are, we are anchoring ourselves so we do not get lost.

We are much more than our darkness. When we begin to understand the parts of ourselves we don’t like, we may even begin to find positive ways of looking at these parts. I think it is important to realize that becoming comfortable with the darkness will lead to understanding it. When we understand it, we can show empathy to it. When we show empathy to our demons, they soften. Once soft, we can mold that darkness into something extraordinary.?

To Master your Mind, Engage in Intentional Service

A funny thing happens when we shift our focus to the well-being of others. A primal force begins to generate. As a tribal people before the advent of agriculture and medicine, we thrived as a species because of our ability to work together.

In a society of increased individualism, some great things have no doubt happened as a result. However, our minds and bodies are still primarily geared for social harmony with others. Right now, it is okay to be altruistically selfish. We are fighting for our lives in a real sense. Make others smile so that you can smile. In so doing, we are increasing the level of happy chemicals in our brain, which will in turn provide a foundation upon which to re-build our identities in sobriety and positive energy.

It is worth noting that finding a soup kitchen, or some avenue to feed and help the homeless would be an ideal activity to engage in. Not only are you providing a valuable service to your community, but now you are reshaping your own perspective on what you could possibly be if continued engagement with substance abuse were to continue.

Cadence, Rhythm, & Taking 100% Responsibility

To Master our Minds, we must become aware of our emotional health. Are we triggered unreasonably? How do we behave in traffic? Do we automatically assume the worst? If someone is rude, do we react, or do we respond with wisdom and intelligence?

It is common today to be the “tough guy”. If someone is rude, we have an automatic response of retribution. While in most cases, this can certainly be merited, it is not always strategic. Negative energy always harms both people in an incident. And harmed enough, we are, already. In sobriety, this perspective is magnified. We have spent the last decade or so of our lives avoiding personal responsibility at every turn. While it is certainly not our fault that we experienced whatever manifestation of pain or loss that came our way, it is always our responsibility to heal. It is said in many AA rooms that justified anger is better left to those more qualified. This could not be more accurate for us in recovery.

Taking 100% of the responsibility of our actions and our life will undoubtedly change the rhythm of our lives. With rhythm, comes routine, and with routine, comes blissful escape from our pain and our substance abuse. Cadence in life can be compared to a musical composition. If our life is a song, there needs to be a fundamental structure before we can remix our song and add different elements. If Beethoven could compose music blind, then certainly, you can attain sobriety!

In the first year of your sobriety, challenge yourself to simply take responsibility no matter what. See what happens as you grow.