The emotional burden of a materialistic lifestyle — and how to break the spiral
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She wiped off her tears, washed her face, put on a smile and went to address the new batch of employees.
It was a usual day for Alexandra Galviz but her definition of “usual” had evolved into something unusual. It took a lot of effort to even get out of bed every day, some days she would walk to the station but couldn’t get herself to take the tube, other days she would be distracted at work, and gradually less productive by the day. She knew, and everyone around her did too, that she was struggling and needed help but instead of seeing a therapist (as a colleague of hers suggested many times) she found solace in retail therapy.
Alexandra, who was part of the learning and development team at a prominent financial services firm then, came from a humble background. So when she got a corporate job in London, she spent way beyond her means.
“I was in this job where I had to dress a certain way and be presentable. I was trying to fit in. I was young and this was the first time I was getting so much exposure. So I took out a loan at the age of 23 and then a credit card. Fed my depression with material possessions. I was deeply unsatisfied with the life I was living and the way I masked it was by throwing money on getting wasted, shopping sprees and pricey holidays to show off with,” Alexandra said.
And before she knew it, she was in debt and that just kept piling on. Oh, but that didn’t stop her. She kept buying. We are no strangers to this phenomenon. Remember the movie “Confessions of a Shopaholic”?!
The recent years’ fintech boom made borrowing a piece of cake - you can now avail a loan, sitting on your couch by just tapping a few times on your phone. According to credit information firm Experian, the share of millennials in new lending increased by 4.6 percentage points between 2015 and 2018. And within this group, people between the age group of 25 to 30 years has grown the fastest, mostly led by small personal loans used to buy consumer goods. A MoneySuperMarket study shows that millennials are more likely to take out loans to pay for holidays.
Borrowing is not a problem but being unable to repay and continue to take loans is. “Indulgence may not always be a problem. It is when your indulgence threatens your other aspects of life – that is a problem,” says psychologist Dr. Upagya Rai.
The compulsive urge to seek retail therapy could stem from a lot of factors, Dr. Rai adds. “Sometimes, it could be due to some residue of sadness that you are trying to push away knowingly or unknowingly. The person seeks comfort in material possessions because that gives them a sense of control — a part of their life they can rule at a time when they are unable to control other aspects of their life. So, retail therapy is an easy choice,” she says.
She emphasizes that it stands more true today than ever because in our quest to mimic our peers’ lifestyle we lose sight of reality and don’t realise when we cross over to the clinical side.
Personal debt is a sensitive topic, even today. Not many even openly talk about it, let alone seek help to manage it. They maintain a facade of “I’m doing great,” in front of others. So what can they do about it? Although “one solution doesn't fit all,” there are steps that they can take, finance leader Hansi Mehrotra says:
- Know what triggers the emotional spending. You will be able to control only when you know what makes you want to indulge. Figure out what gives you true happiness. You need to experience an “Aha” moment to realise you want to change and see yourself as becoming the more responsible person.
- Build a plan to stay off credit cards and repay debt. For this, you can choose the method you are most comfortable with. From loan consolidation and settlements to paying off the highest interest rate one first. Another method is to pay off the smallest loan first — it will instil a sense of achievement and you can also apply that cash flow to the next one and so on.
- Build a budget to learn how to live within your means with guidelines on appropriate splits. (But here, lessons need to be applied from the research on changing habits to help stick to the new budget.)
- Evaluate if you are, in fact, earning enough for your level of qualification and experience. If need be, try increasing income by renegotiating your salary, increasing charge-out rates, cutting some business expenses, etc., but chances are you will keep living beyond their means.
But Hansi says that all these steps combine finance with behavioural science. This is why it's important to have a coach — either a financial adviser or a mentor.
Alexandra did just that. She took note of what the triggers were and took steps to eliminate them. She quit her job, sought help from a therapist and created a plan to live by. “Paying my debt was my priority. I paid off the minimum I needed to pay off each month but when I had a particularly good month at work, I paid larger chunks off. I also snapped the credit card in two pieces so it could no longer be used and therefore I was just clearing debt and not in a cycle of spend, clear, spend, clear,” Alexandra says.
She was eventually out of debt in three years. Today, she has her own business and mentors scores of professionals across the globe. And one principle she swears by now: Don’t buy things when you’re emotional.
What's your take on the topic? Join the conversation by sharing your thoughts in the comments section below.
Assistant Public Relations Officer
4 年After reading this article I was little curious to know about the concept of?retail therapy. Now I am glad to know about this therapy. Such a interesting topic and Nirajita Banerjee Ma'am you written this article is meaningful for everyone but mainly for youth. Sometimes young people and me also spending money on unnecessary thing to show myself everting is perfect and feel happy for everything but now we realize this is wasting of money and its bad for our mental health. Sometime money management is leads us to depression. No one wants to show their depression because in our society depression is not a disease people make fun of those people. In that situation parents or good friends plays an important role to overcome from this situation. but they need to tell their problems exactly what you facing. Parents will helps you without any terms and condition or any interest. Expensive things are attractive but if we can't afford this things so please let it be go. Don't depressed on these things. ??
Student at The IIS University
4 年Materialism is generally considered a negative value, trait or behavior, being associated with greed, shallowness and lack of spiritual values. I not completely but partially agree with this. It totally depends on what level we would like to consider materialistic things to empower us. Materialistic things sometimes drives us to work harder and also it's equally disaster when our only focus is on materialistic things and not on the real objective. According to today's era, materialism is empowering emotions and well as actual objectives of our lives. There should be a process of deciding the way of our lives and working according to them and then strive to be materialistic. If we compare, materialism and emotions , hand down, emoticons are always stronger than materialistic things. This is on a personal level but if we talk about on the motive of an economy, materialism is a strong thing for the growth. The most easy and best example we can take if for increasing wants to use the branded items in each and every field. This definitely helps the economy but somewhere it brings the negative impact on the inner individuals.
Process Developer at Genpact
4 年Well , I think that Materialism can influence life satisfaction both positively and negatively. We build on the dual model of materialism to make the case that two dimensions of materialism—success and happiness—may influence life satisfaction differently. Success materialism (wealth and material possessions is a sign of success in life) may influence life satisfaction positively, whereas happiness materialism (wealth and material consumption is a sign of happiness in life) may influence life satisfaction negatively. Success materialism contributes to life satisfaction because it serves to boost economic motivation and causing a rise in future satisfaction with their standard of living, which in turn contributes to future life satisfaction. Happiness materialism, in contrast, influences life satisfaction adversely through two paths. One path involves dissatisfaction with standard of living, which in turn influences life satisfaction in a negative way. The other negative path involves dissatisfaction with other life domains; that is, happiness materialism detracts from life satisfaction by undermining satisfaction in other life domains such as financial life, family life, social life, etc.
Associate
4 年Nirajita ma'am thankyou you for sharing this article... To be honest this article is so relatable as we all know that emotional burden of materialistic lifestyle is something we all go through at some point of life it is not just about the western countries in India as well we can see people go through this but never come up to ask for help so that is not an option for them moreover people don't even realise that this is serious issue for them. Young people having credit cards spend money on unnecessary things just to prove that everything is cool and good in their in life but deep down they know that it is just a waste of money but materialistic pressure leads to emotional buying. People start earning and spends on things for no reason or just to show off and at the end of the month the credit card bills leads them to depression. Its high time to realise that management of money is really important if you want a happy living. Acceptance of help if needed should be taken because if a therapy can make u live in peace then what is wrong in taking help but for that you need to accept that you need help. I also believe that role of parents play a very important role for overcoming the emotional barriers because child shaped in with good value of money in childhood will help a lot to understand the value of money and the way how to plan a budget and spend to save yourself not getting into unnecessary loans. If roots are strong people will eventually know their limits. At last i would say one should learn to say "NO" once you learn to say no to things which you cannot afford and your friends can afford that day the pressure of materialistic pleasure will go away. Materialistic life is something which can dig your own grave so stop digging your grave and plan out things and live in reality.
Senior Analyst at Genpact
4 年Hello Nirajita Banerjee I believe that owning and buying things a necessary means to achieve important life goals, such as happiness, success and desirability. However, in quest to own more, we often sideline other important goals. Highly materialistic people tend to care less about the environment and other people than “non-materialists” do. Materialism is a natural part of being human and that people develop materialistic tendencies as an adaptive response to cope with situations that make them feel anxious and insecure, such as a difficult family relationship or even our natural fear of death. Buying aspirational brands of goods and services is a common approach in the gift-giving traditions. The idea of materialism in the West is more often seen in sharp contrast to community values, rather than a part of it. We also found that materialists in general are “meaning seekers” rather than status seekers. They believe in the symbolic and signalling powers of products, brands and price tags. Materialists who also believe in community values use these cues to shed positive light onto themselves and others they care about, to meet social expectations, demonstrate belonging and even to fulfil their perceived social responsibilities