EMOTIONAL BIDS: What Do We Do When Someone Reaches Out to Us Emotionally?
Ken Carlson
Experienced Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer with a knack for working with Geeks; Specializing in Engineering, Science, Math, and Medical.
The Neurodiversity Coach Newsletter
Welcome to The Neurodiversity Coach Newsletter. As an Executive Coach, Leadership Trainer and self-professed geek, I've had the opportunity to work with neurodivergent leaders and coach them through many leadership and workplace challenges. Each week I share resources and insights for neurodivergent leaders and the rest of us.
This week's newsletter is written by one of my business partners, Petra Russell, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP and gives us some insight on emotional bids.
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Emotional Bids
In my work on human-centered learning for neurodivergent leaders, I came across what I would now consider THE most important relationship skill: Emotional Bids
The Gottman Institute refers to bids as ‘the fundamental unit of emotional communication.’ Bids can be small or big, verbal, or non-verbal. They signal that we want attention and are requests to connect.?
We’ve all been extended an emotional bid or two throughout the day: a smile from the barista at your local coffee shop, an invitation to a lunch with a new friend, an email from your colleague asking for urgent help on a new project or your partner keeps on pointing out vintage cars to you. We all seek intimacy and connection – and emotional bids help us meet those needs…
But what happens when we keep missing emotional bids? What if we’re so caught up in our own mind and our own beliefs that we inadvertently snub the people trying to connect with us?
Start paying more attention to bids!
There are a several ways to respond to an emotional bid, and it’s the way you treat above situations:
Beneficial:??Towards emotional bids (A yes, that is an old Ferrari, I believe.)
Less Beneficial:?Away from emotional bids (Uh, car. Cool.)
Non-beneficial:?Against emotional bids (Dude, you know I don’t care about cars, can you please stop?)
The next time you feel like somebody you care about has extended an emotional bid, turn towards it by making them feel understood, valued, and recognized for their achievements. You may also try to strengthen your relationship by signaling someone special – and let the power of an emotional bid work its magic.
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Past Articles: Neurodiverse Leadership Resource Library
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Certified Executive Coach & Leadership Development Strategist, Expert in Neurodiversity and Inclusion Initiatives, Global Leadership Trainer and Facilitator, Transformational Change Agent
1 年Understanding and embracing neurodiversity in the workplace will improve inclusivity for all people. It's about reframing differences as strengths and raising positive awareness through coaching and targeted leadership training.