Emotional Arousal as a mechanism of leadership development with horses!

In Recovery programs there is an acronym ODAAT "one day at a time".  It’s extremely helpful to start your day from and to recover to when things get dicey.   In leadership development with horses, we often say OSAAT or "one step at a time" as you step outside your personal comfort zones into the land of emotional arousal. One step can be that profound, reinforcing growth and healing like nothing ever has ever before. 

Leadership development with horses is an experiential learning container with an added secret sauce, phenomenology. Phenomenology is the way we think about ourselves as it focuses on phenomena vs what we ask ourselves about what we’re experiencing. It’s an embodied nature of emotion-based learning where we explore through the senses ie. what we saw, felt, heard, intuited, smelt, even tasted. 

Step by step we interpret our experiences with the horses, not from our conscious mind, but as  as freely as possible from preconceived outcomes, ideologies or assumptions. It’s this “mechanism of action” that results in the positive impacts or emotional arousal which reinforces the behavioral outcomes we’re working towards. 

Let me share a recent coaching experience with Kash, an equine partner.  My client comes with a challenge to our session; she's got a deadline, she's overwhelmed, she doesn't know what steps to take or even why she committed to the project in the first place.

Her voices of judgement and cynicism are speaking for her. We listen, Kash and I, no need to go into story or fixing.   She sheds some tears, it’s that much of an emotional weight. Her anxiety and overwhelm are palpable yet she’s relaxing into the environment becoming more settled and grounded as she speaks this all out loud.  Horses are beautiful holders of emotions that often make people uncomfortable or that we might want to suppress because we’re uncomfortable by them.  

Walk with the horse I say, casually handing Kash’s lead rope over to her which she grabs onto loosely.  She tells me she’s never lead a horse before as she takes her first steps with him.  Keep walking, I encourage.  I’ve infused belief and confidence in the two of them and know they will figure their walk out together. I sit as witness versus instructing her on the 101’s in how to lead a horse or horsemanship.

Often Kash who’s curious like all horses, gets distracted, and isn't following. He needs a reason, some direction or leadership yet she doesn’t know any of this.  She’s just walking, often stopping at his resistance or him assuming leadership, pulling him back into step with her, not knowing what they’re doing or where they’re going really.  She's not stuck in her overwhelm any longer, she’s relaxed and open, back in her body, grounded, and most importantly out of the critical thinking, over analyzing mind. She’s creating forward movement, all while not knowing a thing about leading horses. Yet she leads.

I move into a gentle inquiry. I recall you saying you’re worried about not getting this project right or doing it right.  That the over achiever, perfectionist part of you takes over when you feel like don’t know what you’re doing.  “So, what’s it like leading a horse when you don’t know what you’re doing, as I’ve just witnessed you leading him for some time now?” She laughs, stops, pets Kash lovingly.  “Oh wow, I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. You gave him to me and told me to lead him so I did.  I honestly didn’t think about any of that and just kept going with him”.  

She can’t argue that she’s accomplished, without worry of getting it right, leading 1100 lbs. of horsepower, while often having to figure out how to get him back into step with her!  She felt her way through it, stayed calm, and actually looked like she was enjoying herself, even proud.  She did discover that without too many options, she can stay more present with what’s in front of her, and keep moving forward. Leading Kash felt manageable as compared to her overwhelm and perfectionism. 

My client is learning at a visceral level from what she’s experiencing, be it how hard to pull, when to tell him to back off because he’s nudging her or too close, or asking him to turn when she’s literally standing behind him! This didn’t work well so a gentle “so what now” was offered by me or “how do you think that’s going to work for Kash” so she could try another approach with success for them both as he was stuck.  When I challenged her to back him up, she tried, and failed. She didn’t cry nor was she overtaken by her Judge and I offered only one tip when she asked. She exuded confidence, and a willingness to try, try again.    Her positive emotional feedback loop from Kash prompted her to asking for four steps the next time we attempted the exercise as a result of her overall self-esteem, confidence, and assertiveness were elevated.

 All of this she learned through Kash being a patient, non-judgmental willing partner in her development and growth.  It wouldn’t matter what she said to him; he needed to feel from her her intentions and trust her.  Through feeling their way together, they took an embodied journey that resulted in trust being built between them.  Kash would follow her anywhere now and she was learning how to feel into his messaging back to her. 

We decided it was time to bring her project into the arena.  I set up a small obstacle course of poles and Kash’s winter blanket which we’d stripped him of.  These obstacles were to be used to walk over, around or through, her choice, while speaking to the varied ways of approaching the project and her overwhelm, loss of direction.

With confidence off she went, over pole one with a declared, “I felt his hesitation, and I too sense some hesitation with this idea. Not sure yet, but I felt that and so did he”. Away she went, and while walking to the second obstacle, naming it, she spoke to it.  Speaking the words allowed her to embody the energies and beliefs she held in her body as she moved to, over and away from it. This one had options and she went into further exploration, unpacking it all while going over another pole. You could see the expansiveness of her persona, nothing restrictive, a more curious, generative approach to it all.

Lastly came the blanket, which created a dead stop from Kash, nose down, sniffing, pawing at it, then he went around it.  She laughed as she declared, “I knew immediately walking up to it this was a NO and he doesn’t like it either”!    The horses mirror our energy and Kash was picking up on her resistance though she ultimately walked right over it, but her body energetically was rejecting this option and so did he. 

Our day ended with apples for Kath and with lots of emotional resonance (arousal) around what she's learning about herself and her style. What shuts her down and how she puts herself in her own box (read: stall/paddock). Conversely, she discovered how she can create some forward action for herself and how to get unstuck or out of her head by getting into her body, and feeling grounded. Knowing what confidence and assertiveness feels like in relationship to another being and empowered self-leadership.    Her words exactly “I always feel so good, so confident, light and empowered after our sessions with the horses” and off she went to take the lead in her project with a dead line in a more grounded, calm, empowered, self-assured, confident state; ready to take responsibility for her world!