EMOTION 101: JOY – THE SCIENCE, THE MYTHS, AND HOW TO FEEL IT MORE

Hello friends,

This is the start of my EMOTION 101 series. Last month I asked you to vote which emotions are of interested and joy was the first one to come up. So let’s talk about joy.

Not the fleeting “I just got a notification for 50% off my favorite shoes” kind of joy (though let’s not dismiss that entirely), but real, grounding, heart-expanding joy – the kind that makes you feel alive, connected, and truly present.

Let’s Bust Some Myths About Joy

Before diving deeper, let’s clear up some common misunderstandings about joy:

?? Myth 1: Joy means being happy all the time. Nope, that would be called toxic positivity. Joy is not a constant state – it coexists with life’s messiness. You can feel joy alongside other emotions, even sadness or grief.

?? Myth 2: Big events bring the most joy. While milestones can be joyful, it’s often the small, simple moments that bring the deepest joy – the warmth of sunlight, a surprising visit from a friend, or the clearing of a misunderstanding.

?? Myth 3: Joy is selfish. Actually, joy is incredibly contagious. Neuroscience shows that when we radiate joy, we positively impact those around us, fostering connection and uplifting the people around us.

The Science of Joy

From a neurological perspective, joy is a biochemical response. When something pleasurable or meaningful happens, our brain releases dopamine, the "feel-good" hormone. Dopamine not only makes us feel great but also motivates us to seek out more joyful experiences.

But here’s the catch: dopamine loves novelty. That’s why the excitement of a new car, a promotion, or even the perfect holiday fades quickly. Our brains adapt to these joy triggers, leaving us chasing the next “high” – something neuroscientists call the hedonic treadmill.

Does this mean joy is fleeting? Not necessarily. There’s a deeper, more sustainable kind of joy tied to connection, presence, and meaning. Some of the wisest humans I’ve met – often older people – are deeply joyful, and it’s not because their lives are “perfect.” It’s because they’ve learned to find lightness in the messiness of life. Joy, for me, is also about staying child-like – laughing, dancing, and being playful even when life feels hard.

Joy According to Buddhist Mindfulness

I often take inspiration from eastern teachings, because they just GET it when it comes to how our minds work. In Buddhism, joy (or mudita) is one of the “Four Immeasurables” – virtues that open the heart and connect us with others. What’s fascinating is that joy, in this view, doesn’t come from what we own or achieve. It comes from celebrating the happiness of others.

This is called sympathetic joy – the ability to truly feel delight when someone else succeeds or thrives. Imagine genuinely celebrating a colleague’s promotion, even if you wanted that role for yourself. Hard? Yes. But possible – and deeply fulfilling.

For Buddhists, joy is a practice. It’s found in noticing and appreciating life’s small, simple moments: the sound of laughter, the taste of a good meal, or the stillness of the morning.

A wonderful Buddhist practice to cultivate joy is Metta Meditation (Loving-Kindness Meditation). In this practice, you sit, relax, and extend four wishes:

• May I be happy.
• May I be healthy.
• May I be safe.
• May I live with ease.

You then extend these wishes to loved ones, strangers, and even people you struggle with. Practiced regularly, this meditation can open your heart and make joy a more natural part of your life.

What Joy Is Telling Us

Like all emotions, joy has a purpose. It signals alignment. Joy arises when we’re living in a way that reflects what’s most important to us – our values, passions, and authentic self.

Joy has sub-emotions too:

• Contentment: Quiet joy, like the peace of sitting by a fire.
• Amusement: Playful joy – think uncontrollable giggles.
• Gratitude: Joy in recognizing what you already have.
• Elation: Big, all-encompassing joy – the kind that leaves you feeling on top of the world.

But here’s the thing: expressing joy can feel tricky.

Why We Struggle to Feel or Express Joy

I used to hold my joy back, especially in serious environments. I thought, “Don’t laugh too much, Sophie, or they’ll think you’re childish or naive.” Sound familiar?

Here are some reasons we might struggle with joy:

?? Guilt around joy: Feeling bad about being happy when others are struggling? It’s common, but here’s the truth: joy doesn’t diminish anyone else’s. In fact, it can remind others that happiness is possible.

?? Fear of vulnerability: Brené Brown calls this foreboding joy – the fear that if we feel too much joy, it might be taken away. So, we downplay it to protect ourselves.

?? Overwhelm: In a culture obsessed with productivity, joy can feel like something we need to “earn.” But here’s the reality: people who truly excel at their work often LOVE what they do and feel a lot of joy with it.

How to Invite More Joy Into Your Life

Here are a few practical ways to cultivate joy:

1?? Practice gratitude Write down three things that brought you joy each day. It rewires your brain to notice joyful moments more often.

2?? Celebrate others Sympathetic joy strengthens relationships and brings joy back to you. Cheer for someone else’s success – it’s a shortcut to feeling lighter and more connected.

3?? Move your body Exercise releases endorphins and helps you feel more alive. Even when I resist working out, I always come back with a smile on my face.

4?? Create joy rituals Prioritize things that create that inner “YES.” Whether it’s a Friday dance party, a cozy reading session, or calling a loved one, build rituals that spark joy.

5?? Pause and notice Joy is often found in micro-moments. Pause to savor a sunset, listen to birdsong, or simply enjoy the sweetness of chocolate.

My Biggest Learning Around Joy

Here’s something that changed the way I think about joy: the more we’re okay with sadness, the more we can feel joy. Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett explains that joy and sadness are deeply connected – the depth of one allows us to experience the other.

When we embrace all our emotions, we feel more alive. True joy isn’t about avoiding pain – it’s about fully living, fully feeling.

What Joy Means to Me

For me, joy shows up in the smallest, most unexpected moments. Laughing with friends until my cheeks hurt. Watching a child playing with a new toy for hours. Sitting alone with a warm cup of coffee, feeling the sun on my face.

Joy is what makes life vivid. And the more we notice it, the more it grows. Life without joy for me is like being numb to life. So allow yourself to feel the sadness that life brings, as after the sadness comes the joy.

So, let me ask you: What brings you joy? What’s one small thing you could do today to invite more of it into your life?

Wishing you a joyful day,

Sophie ??