Emerging from The Tunnel

In my weekly newsletter, Parenting Prose, I demystify the life altering journey of motherhood. I say the quiet part out loud: this is the hardest job in the world, and one that we are woefully unprepared for.

My hope is that by sharing a variety of my own experiences, I can help soften what often feels like an abrupt and wildly disorienting introduction to parenthood.

I love supporting fellow newsletter writers, and Kevin Maguire 's "The New Fatherhood" is one of my favorites.

He writes about modern fatherhood, a subject I am endlessly fascinated by given that my husband is what I consider the epitome of a "modern father".

In one of his recent articles, he described parenting a kid from age 0-4 as experiencing "The Tunnel", and I've never related to a metaphor more deeply.

Kevin's youngest is approaching 5-years-old, and my oldest will be 5 at the end of July.

She's graduating from pre-school next week, and I am experiencing a wide range of emotions in anticipation of this milestone.

In the early, most formative years, the journey of parenting feels very much like you are stuck in a tunnel.

Kevin describes "The Tunnel" as "the place every parent remains whilst their kids are younger than four; when keeping a small child alive and under control takes all that you have. Parents in The Tunnel can cycle through bliss and despair on a turnaround that would give non-parents whiplash."

Days in the tunnel often feel like "groundhog day", monotonous and mundane.

You often feel like you are fumbling around in the dark. You get on solid footing with your toddler, only to experience a drastic change in temperament without any warning.

They are *wildly* dependent on you. They can't get dressed, eat, or go to the bathroom without physically attaching their body to yours.

It can feel suffocating & claustrophobic AND comforting & magical at the exact same time.

This phase of parenting is so beautifully exhausting, world changing, soul-crushing, and life altering.

I am emerging on the other side of "The Tunnel" with my oldest.

She gets dressed on her own every morning.

She feeds herself at every meal.

She goes to the bathroom completely on her own.

She plays unsupervised for long periods of time.

I still feel so very needed, but the energy-draining physical nature of these needs is shrinking.

I am acutely aware that this graduation from toddlerhood is the beginning of a brand new phase of life for she and I.

Brené Brown recently described parenthood in a podcast as "heartbreaking in a lot of ways because you're really just preparing them to leave you".

She's not yet 5, and I know we have a lot of incredible years left together under the same roof, but I can't help but feel like this is the start of a new chapter in my motherhood journey.

One where she will grow into more of her own person with each passing day.

One where she'll feel pulled to explore the outside world without the need to hold my hand.

One where she will choose her own community.

One where she will start to really get to know herself.

In my experience, parenthood is the ultimate paradox.

Writing those sentences fills me with equal parts heartbreak and awe.

As exhausting as those days in "The Tunnel" with her were, I look back on them fondly. I actually miss them a lot.

And I am *so* excited to have a front row seat while she explores the world and who she wants to be in it.

To all the moms and dads emerging from "The Tunnel" this year, I hope you're proud of the foundation you have set for your kiddo.

This generation of parents has given me such a profound sense of hope: that the kids are going to be alright ??