EMDR Therapy For The Anxious Overachiever + 5 Questions for Clarity

Something about this blog title made you do a double take. EMDR sounds cool, it’s been a hot topic the last few years, but anxious overachiever? You may know that you’re somewhat anxious, but an overachiever…you’re not sure. You might be wishing you were one because you’ve been trying to get it all in without much success.

Well hello there.

You might be an anxious overachiever and not even know it.

Here’s the thing. Most overachievers think that in order to be an overachiever you need to have finished every project that’s crossed your minds, dotted every “i” and crossed every “t”. Oh and also have made it in time to your child’s (or best friends’ child’s) school recital, birthday party, and baby bash. And you certainly planned that you’d have more than adequate time for a spa date and home made dinner for yourself, your partner and children.

Wait. That didn’t all happen. Oh darn.

What anxious overachievers really look like :

Hardly handing the project in on time, losing sleep because you have too much on your to-do list, popping frozen chicken nuggets in the oven and taking a 15 second breath to check off the “self-care” item on the list. You, your loved ones (partner, boyfriend, husband, kids, friends, family) have been hanging on to the back burner. You tell yourself you’ll give them more attention once this last project is done, but you know that there is no date to that timeline.

Welcome to the world of anxious overachievers.

Now, overachievers are some of the most successful people out there, and some of them have even mastered a great balance. But how do you know if you’re one of the ones with anxiety?

Well, most overachievers have anxiety, its just the levels of anxiety that matter. Good levels of anxiety are necessary to get $%&* done. And I am all about women getting tasks done.

But when you’re spinning in circles, feel confused, utterly lost and overwhelmed, your anxiety has reached higher levels. You’ll notice that although you don’t intend to, you’ve been neglecting necessary things in your life such as your sleep schedule, eating, and are are even distracted when it comes to finishing basic tasks. If any of this speaks to you, I invite you to continue reading.

Am I an anxious overachiever? 5 Questions for Clarity

1. Nagging Stress: You feel irritable, stress, worried and pressured almost all the time. You might settle down over the weekend when you grab a glass of wine, but you don’t dive into full on serenity. Just the opposite. You feel irritable and can’t wait to get back to work and try to desperately catch up.
2. Neglect of Self : Your self care has fallen off the wagon a long time ago. Aside for the necessary manicure needed for an upcoming meeting, you don’t indulge “free time” to pamper yourself. Let alone manicures, but even the basics of doctor appointments, family occasions and some of your hobbies have fallen farther behind than they should. You keep saying “ I know I’ll get to those” but it never happens.
3. Your loved ones are acting up. They are saying that you’re distracted, disinterested and have no “space” to hear about them and how they’re doing. You get annoyed with their “nagging”, but a tiny voice on the inside knows that they might be speaking to a grain of truth. Even when you’re with your partner, family, children, and friends you’re not really there. Your mind is someplace else and they feel it.
4. Exhaustion haunts you. You’ve been feeling tired but it’s not the “get an extra hour of sleep tired. It’s the level of exhaustion that hits when you’ve neglected your mind, body and energy for way too long. You neck aches, your shoulders slump and your belly is clenched. Your body doesn’t feel as comfortable as it used to feel.

5.You’re terrified. You would slow down if you trusted you’d be ok, but something is making you act out of fear. Your’e not a bad person for having anxiety, rather, your anxiety has been pressuring you because there’s some sort of worry beneath all of these behaviors. You want to resolve the engine that won’t stop pushing you too quickly. You definitely don’t want to crash.

If any of the above resonate with you, I want to tell you that you’re not alone. Most women in New York, and especially Long Island, have a laundry list of demands and struggle with managing it all. You’re likely powerful, wise and insightful, and deep deep down you feel desperate to make a change. But you’re concerned; you don’t have the time, you don’t know if it’ll help and you’re concerned if it’s all really worth it.

I get those worries. They make complete sense. And at the same time, as the old saying goes: “if you do what you’ve always done you’ll keep gettin’ what you always got”. You can take some time to refocus and help you reduce some of the stress. It’s totally do-able!

You can learn to let go of some of the anxiety and experience more joy.

You’ve got bravery and wisdom- that’s how you’ve gotten so far in life! I invite you to dip into that bravery as you bring awareness to how your anxiety may be impacting you.

You don’t need to quit your job or make drastic changes.

I've been humbled to join successful individuals get off the spinning wheel of anxiety and dip into their achieving capacities from a place of calm. What's fascinating is that those who engaged in good therapy actually experienced significant improvements in their work life + found more fulfillment in their personal lives.

In therapy, you get a chance to identify what lies at the root of the "pressure-causing-anxiety". In my practice, we often start by using talk therapy along with other methods of treatment. If appropriate and when you're ready, we utilize EMDR therapy to dig in deeper and identify unspoken fears, worries, concerns or beliefs that are you keeping you stuck. You didn't get to where you're at by "accident". You learn coping skills + shift the inner cycle so that the current struggles don't keep coming back.

EMDR therapy helps identify and heal the roots of your anxiety

What is EMDR? I often use EMDR with clients who have been to talk therapy, or are coming to therapy for the first time but want to identify and heal the root of their suffering. EMDR is a wonderful therapy method used to treat anxiety, overwhelm and offers long term relief. Want more info about EMDR? Click here!

If you’re ready to do the work to lessen your anxiety and step into the "present achiever” + “engaged friend/partner/mom/daughter….” reach out today to schedule your first session at my Cedarhurst office.

Imagine life where you can embrace the joys of success + feel fulfilled in your relationships.

Let’s get you there.

*origionally published on integrativepsych.co

Esther Goldstein LCSW is psychotherapist and trauma specialist with a private practice in Cedarhurst, NY. Esther specializes in treating professionals with anxiety, overwhelmed moms and individuals who want to have more meaningful relationships. Specialty areas include: EMDR therapy, somatic, trauma treatment, complex ptsd and dissociative disorders. As well, Esther provides trauma informed consultation to therapists committed to improving their trauma-informed practice and attachment focused EMDR consultation to therapist attaining hours towards EMDRIA certification. Esther's website is Integrativepsych.co