Embracing work-life reality in the time of COVID-19

Two weeks ago, just ahead of Mother’s Day, I got the following question from one of the team at Town Call, our weekly all company meeting:

“Micky, I would love your advice. You are a mother of 3 young children and a CEO. I can only imagine the craziness. I'd love to know your tops tips on how you juggle it all and remain positive!”

My first thought was “I don’t know. Frankly, sometimes I feel like I am starting to fall apart over here. The kids are running riot; they're barely doing their school work; and I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done at work and at home which now overlap. the house is a mess, the laundry isn’t done, and let’s not even talk about what the kids are eating. At the end of the day, I barely have enough energy to watch a full episode of “Killing Eve” let alone have a conversation with my husband. I feel like I am failing at work and at home right now. What do you mean, 'positive'?"

This also happened to be my second thought, and what I, in fact, ended up saying to the team.

I realized that by being vulnerable and sharing my own challenges, I was giving my team the opportunity to share theirs too. I was giving them the opportunity to bring their full selves to work in this COVID-19 era, in the same way I have always asked them to. Yes, that looks different now as kids join Zoom calls, work is done at random hours of the day and night, and we might be putting on a load of laundry at the same time as discussing the P&L. But it’s basically the same - we are human and we don’t need to hide it.

I also shared things that are helping me keep it together. Some of these ideas I have written before under the headline of “Work life integration”, but some of them are new, and I have found them helpful as we try to work remotely. 

Schedule, schedule, schedule.  I have said this before, but it’s more important now than ever. I need to plan for the time to be “on” with work, when I will be helping the kids with schoolwork, and when I am going to take 30 minutes to take a walk. Pre-COVID I consistently neglected scheduling “me time”, but when you’re working from home, it’s super easy for work to “spill over” and before you know it, you’re on 24/7. These walks have gone from a luxury to a necessity, so wherever you find your “me time”, take it.

Ask for help. For many of us, particularly women who have often prided themselves on being able to “do it all”, this is hard. We don’t want to admit we’re overwhelmed or over-burdened. However, by asking for help, you do two things - you get a little relief, but you also show someone else how much you need and value them. And everyone wants to feel needed. I am extraordinarily lucky and extremely grateful to have a team that has stepped up to help me in innumerable ways over the last few weeks. That has meant everything from my husband cooking more than he used to, to members of the Executive team stepping in to cover meetings and projects for each other.

Know you’re not alone.  Right now, we are all doing our best to manage our way through this “new normal”. For me it is balancing parenting and work, for others it is about trying to work from home alongside partners and roommates, or caring for a sick or elderly relative and keeping up at work. Fortunately, there are likely others trying to handle the same. Reach out, do some good old-fashioned googling and see what help is out there. You might be surprised by what you find. At Bonobos, one of the things that has been most helpful for me is our #parents slack channel. It’s become the place where we share resources, tips, or even just what is and isn’t working for us.

Look for fresh perspective. During a time like this, when so many businesses are challenged and there are countless fires to fight, and when you are literally stuck in the same chair all day going from Zoom to Zoom, it’s easy to lose perspective. What has helped me is to step back and try to see the wood for the trees. I’ve done that in a few different ways - by writing, through talking with people in the industry and journalists, and even by just listening to my children babble on as we take a morning walk. Those moments have all given me a chance to step out of the day to day, recalibrate my thinking, realize what is important, see the big picture and even dream about the future. I see clearly that this moment in time provides an opportunity to take risks, and innovate, but also a moment that will herald a new kind of leadership - a more vulnerable, and human-centered leadership that can only help us all.

And that’s what excites me, and gives me energy, allowing my positivity to overtake my feelings of exhaustion and being overwhelmed. I wish you all the same.