Embracing What "IS"

“When it rains, I let it.”

~116 year old when asked the secret to a long life.

For this week's musing, I am going to give you my play on the spiritual saying: ?

"It's not happening to you. It's happening for you."

I admit this saying has been a part of my arsenal for years, and until recently, I never really realized how I had weaponized such a great sentiment to use it against myself. It was in speaking to my clients and friends that I started to notice that they would take this saying to heart each time something challenging arose, not in a deep breath and a sigh but in an, I must work harder and understand how I make all of these things happen "for me," or I better understand just what purpose this circumstance is sern=ving so that I may get ahead of it and stop the situation either in its tracks or from ever j-happening again. What I have come to realize with the support of a very loving source of energy that shared new words with me is that the proverbial "IT" is neither happening to me nor for me.?It is merely happening, period end of the sentence. Now, I am not sure where this idiom began, and I love many of those known for their own version of it, and I am not here to say it's not true. What I would like to do is to invite in the idea that life is happening and that our role as life happens is to stay engaged, stay in it, feel, process, and repeat, all while trusting that we may not have the entirety of the most extensive picture but that something greater than us does have the broadest idea of you, me and every other being on this planet and beyond in its purview. ?

"It is happening, and I trust....." ?

“Pain in life is inevitable but suffering is not. Pain is what the world does to you, suffering is what you do to yourself [by the way you think about the 'pain' you receive]. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

~ Budha

ACKNOWLEDGMENT and ACCEPTANCE ?

I am not quite sure which of these is the cart and which is the horse, but simply coming to terms with what is will free us from the suffering state that not acknowledging nor accepting puts us in. How do we know we are not accepting something? It may be an endless loop in our mind as the same scenario plays over and over again, all with no exit in sight off of this ruminating train. Or it may show up as telling the same story over and over again, attempting to gain allies in your fight against the unacceptable nature of what is happening or what has transpired.?Whether it is a physical occurrence like the simplicity of rain or a more abstract idea like someone else's opinion, we will remain in a muddy quagmire until we allow ourselves to accept the reality of the moment. As much as we do not like it or want it to happen that it is raining on our wedding day in the desert, or that is the other person's opinion, it is valid because it simply exists, no matter how wrong we?and all of our friends feel it is.?? We do not have to like it, endorse it, or any of the like, but to not accept the reality of what is will leave us in some state of despair with ourselves, others, or the world.

FEELING OR FEELINGS ABOUT WHAT IS ?

To acknowledge and accept what is because it simply exists or is happening is the beginning of a process in that acceptance allows us to take a deep breath and begin to feel how reality feels.? These feelings or the attempt to avoid these feelings may be the culprit that catapulted us into not acknowledging or accepting the situation.?? This is the inevitable part that Budha spoke about. Feeling life?as it happens is a brave endeavor, and who can blame us when the sudden loss of a loved one has us trying to bargain our way out of feeling the profound painful loss by citing over and over again just why this shouldn't have happened?? The bigger the feeling, the more we may find ourselves not accepting what is. Anger, fear, sadness, and disgust may all be the underlying feelings about our circumstances. The stronger the emotion, the more scared, embarrassed, hateful, aggressive, disappointed, and hopeless we may become. And when these feelings overwhelm us and our central nervous system, avoiding reality can be a very ingrained tactic for survival.? So, if you find yourself on a date with a bit of ruminating or mind loops with an inability to get out and suffering is present, be gentle with yourself. This is a life, not a season.?

"we need to become more self-aware and explore our emotions, asking questions to get in touch with how we’re feeling and thinking in a given moment.?Find a method for coxing these feelings out which works best for you, such as writing, meditation, or talking to a friend."

~ Brene Brown

FINDING OUR WAY THROUGH ?

Below are some exercises and processes for gently uncovering your deeper feelings about the situation that is currently a part of your life. ?

Start with the awareness that you are stuck in a loop of non-acceptance:?

Check in with your central nervous system to?make sure that you are regulated so that access to your feelings and sensations is possible and safe.?

Box Breathing: Box breathing is a simple and effective technique for immediate stress relief. To practice it, inhale deeply for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, and then hold your breath again for a count of four. This pattern forms a "box." Repeat the cycle a few times to quickly calm your nervous system and regain focus Grounding Exercise: This technique helps you connect with the present moment and reduce anxiety. Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Engaging your senses in this way helps redirect your focus to the present moment, grounding you in reality and reducing stress. Mindful Breathing: Practicing mindful breathing involves paying full attention to your breath. Take a moment to observe your breath without trying to change it. Notice the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation of air passing through your nostrils. If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your breath. This technique helps you center yourself and release tension, even if just for a few moments. Take it to the body, which is a literal canary in the coal mine when it comes to what you are feeling emotionally, by identifying three bodily sensations that you are experiencing.

?

Body Scan Meditation:

• Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to center yourself.
• Mentally scan your body from head to toe, or vice versa, paying attention to any areas of tension, discomfort, or other sensations.
• As you scan each body part, take a moment to focus on the physical sensations you experience in that area.
• This simple body scan can help you quickly connect with your bodily sensations and become more present in your body.?

Identify the emotions you are feeling by utilizing this PDF? that Lindsay Braman developed utilizing the past work of Gloria Wilcox. I like the wheel aspect for this part of the process. Once you identify the emotions present, allow yourself time to journal about how you are feeling. Use the prompts below to really get deep into the story that you are telling yourself. Allow anger, fears, frustration, sadness, tears, and ALL of what's present for you to arise and be seen and heard.

Journaling:

• I feel.......
• Because.......
• I will never......
• I always.......

Lastly, be tender with yourself as you allow in the idea of something greater than you. God, Source, The Energy of All that IS, Creator, or any term you find most favorable.? Mantra:

• "It is happening, and I trust (insert higher power here).
• I trust the great mystery to gently guide me through what is happening.
• I fully acknowledge all that is happening and trust in something greater than

“It is happening, and I trust....."

As I often do, I have visited some deep places in my musing with a sense of lightness. If you find that you land in a place of despair after breaking the chain of not accepting and acknowledging what is, I invite you to reach out to a professional or trusted friend for the support you deserve and are worthy of.??

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