Embracing Vulnerability

For the first time in a long time, I missed my Newsletter Publishing deadline. I have always managed to keep an organized schedule for researching, writing and publishing content.

My process is straightforward - I love reflecting on my experiences. You might ask, “Roza, are you saying there weren’t enough experience for you to write about this time?” or maybe that’s just me in my head.

This goes beyond missing a deadline; it’s about accepting change, transition, feeling lost, and being vulnerable in being in this state.

The truth is, one reason is that I’ve been thinking lot lately - so much so that I have been unusually quiet. Can you imagine how much conversation has to happen and be loud for me to stay quiet?

I value transparency and here is what I have found from my own self-diagnostic ??.

I am secretly competitive, though you won’t see that under my yellow and green personality. I love taking on challenging projects and will do everything to make sure they’re completed. Lately, I’ve started asking “Is this really relevant project?”. Mind you, I am paid to do the job, however, part of me is screaming “Can’t we be doing something else worth our time?”. Now you can understand the loud voices within.

In my personal spare time, I think about relevant projects that make sense to commit to. This, coupled with a 21-day workout challenge, has made my limited time scarce.

Going into this New Year, the vibe was a bit different, I don’t know, maybe it’s the need to do more, to be more in your mid 30's, or the fact that I am reflecting on what 2023 has been.

Stepping into the new year felt like a big responsibility. What can I do different today to look back one year from now and say, “Look at you, Roza, you’ve made such progress. Well done!”

I’m sure it’s in our human nature to desire the need to be better, to be recognized for what we’ve achieved, and through the difference we make. The flip side, the moment we fail to do so, the self-critic, internal saboteurs, and the negative reflection are twice the load to carry.

So, yes, this month, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about that is worth your time, that carries value. But it just seems like I am writing to myself, saying it’s okay - I don’t have to figure it all out to share polished, well-researched content.

I’m writing this accepting the learning curve, shoulders back, neck high ??