Embracing Vulnerability

Last weekend we ( Grit ) run our third Virtual Summit. really blessed to have some amazing speakers. Three speakers stood of for me as they all laid it all out on the Summit and were extremely vulnerable as they shared their life story. Thank you to Marina Shearer , Adnan Hussain and Rohit Bahl for being the inspiration behind this weeks newsletter article.

In a world that loves to celebrate strength and invincibility, opening up and being vulnerable can feel pretty daunting. As I listened to the speakers last week, and upon reflection other speakers such as Jehan Casinader , I have realised that embracing vulnerability is actually a something that can transform your life if you allow yourself to embrace it and remember there is nothing wrong with speaking about your story.

The Science Behind Embracing Vulnerability

So, what exactly is vulnerability? According to Brené Brown vulnerability is all about "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." It's about being open and authentic, even when it feels uncomfortable.

When you embrace vulnerability, your brain's amygdala (the emotion centre) lights up. This can make you feel anxious or scared. But, when you face these emotions head-on, your prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for decision-making) kicks in. This helps you manage your emotions better and build resilience.

Research shows that being vulnerable leads to increased empathy, creativity, and resilience. Brené Brown's studies reveal that vulnerability builds trust and strengthens relationships because it allows others to see the real you, encouraging them to share their true selves too.

Embracing vulnerability can boost your mental health, deepen your connections, and fuel your personal and professional growth. It helps you build authentic relationships, promotes personal development, and fosters a culture of openness and trust.

The Paradox of Vulnerability

Interestingly, vulnerability is a paradox. We often view it as a weakness in ourselves but as courage in others. Recognising this paradox can help us appreciate the strength it takes to be vulnerable. It's about reframing vulnerability from a liability to an asset. When we see others being vulnerable, we connect with them on a human level, understanding their struggles and triumphs. Applying this perspective to ourselves can encourage us to embrace our own vulnerabilities.

There's something called the vulnerability loop, a concept coined by Dr Jeff Polzer. It's when one person opens up and shows vulnerability, prompting the other person to do the same. This loop creates a stronger bond and fosters trust and cooperation. The vulnerability loop demonstrates that when we take the first step in showing our true selves, it often encourages others to reciprocate, leading to deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Everyday Examples of Embracing Vulnerability

1. Admitting Mistakes at Work: Owning up to your errors at work shows integrity and accountability. It can also create a culture of transparency. For example, if you miss a deadline, admitting it and working on a solution can build trust with your team.
2. Asking for Help: Whether it's seeking advice from a mentor or asking a friend for support, asking for help requires vulnerability. For instance, if you're struggling with a project, reaching out for guidance can offer new perspectives and strengthen your relationships.
3. Expressing Emotions: Sharing your feelings, whether they're positive or negative, can be tough. For example, telling a colleague you're feeling overwhelmed or sharing your excitement about a personal achievement can foster deeper connections.
4. Trying Something New: Stepping out of your comfort zone to learn a new skill or hobby involves the risk of failure. For example, enrolling in a public speaking course or starting a new fitness routine can lead to personal growth and unexpected successes.
5. Setting Boundaries: Saying no or setting limits with others can be uncomfortable. For instance, communicating your need for personal time or space can help maintain a healthy work-life balance and prevent burnout.
6. Sharing Personal Stories: Opening up about past experiences, especially those involving struggles or failures, can be incredibly powerful. It not only humanizes you but also creates a safe space for others to share their stories. For example, discussing a challenging time in your life during a team meeting can inspire others to be more open.
7. Accepting Compliments: It might seem simple, but genuinely accepting compliments can be a vulnerable act. Often, we deflect praise to avoid the discomfort of being in the spotlight. Next time someone compliments you, accept it with a simple "thank you."
8. Public Apologies: Apologizing in public, whether to a team or a larger audience, shows immense courage. It demonstrates accountability and a willingness to make amends. For instance, if a project you led didn't go as planned, publicly acknowledging what went wrong and how you plan to improve can build trust.
9. Showing Enthusiasm: Displaying genuine enthusiasm for something you're passionate about can be vulnerable. It opens you up to potential ridicule or judgment. However, your passion can also be contagious, inspiring others to share their interests. For example, if you're passionate about a hobby, sharing it with your colleagues can lead to deeper connections.
10. Admitting Ignorance: Saying "I don't know" in a professional setting can be challenging, especially when you're expected to have all the answers. Admitting ignorance and expressing a willingness to learn can foster a culture of continuous improvement. For instance, if you're unfamiliar with a new technology, acknowledging it and seeking training shows a commitment to growth.

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Identifying When You're Not Embracing Vulnerability

It's crucial to recognise when you're avoiding vulnerability. Here are some signs:

• Perfectionism: Striving for flawless performance and fearing judgment can signal reluctance to show vulnerability. For example, spending excessive time perfecting a presentation to avoid any potential criticism.
• Avoiding Difficult Conversations: Shying away from uncomfortable discussions can indicate avoidance of vulnerability. For instance, dodging a conversation about a disagreement with a colleague.
• Excessive Control: Over-managing situations or people to avoid uncertainty reflects a fear of vulnerability. For example, micromanaging a project to ensure everything goes according to your plan.
• Emotional Numbness: Suppressing your emotions to avoid discomfort can be a sign of avoiding vulnerability. For instance, ignoring feelings of stress or sadness instead of addressing them.
• Reluctance to Seek Help: Avoiding asking for assistance to maintain an image of self-sufficiency can indicate resistance to vulnerability. For example, refusing to delegate tasks or ask for support when overwhelmed.
• Defensiveness: If you find yourself getting defensive when receiving feedback, it might be a sign you're avoiding vulnerability. Constructive criticism can feel like an attack on your competence, but being open to feedback is crucial for growth.
• Overworking: Sometimes, we bury ourselves in work to avoid dealing with our emotions. If you're constantly overworking and avoiding personal interactions, it might be a way to escape vulnerability.
• Procrastination: Delaying tasks that require emotional effort or risk can be a way to avoid vulnerability. If you keep putting off difficult conversations or challenging projects, it's worth examining why.

Exercises to Embrace Vulnerability

1. Practice Self-Compassion: Start by being kinder to yourself. Recognise your imperfections and treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend. This mindset shift makes it easier to embrace vulnerability.
2. Share Your Story: Open up to someone you trust about a personal experience or challenge. This could be a colleague, friend, or family member. Sharing your story can help you connect on a deeper level and practice vulnerability.
3. Face Your Fears: Identify a fear or challenge that holds you back and take a small step towards confronting it. For example, if you fear public speaking, start by speaking in a small group or participating in a low-stakes presentation.
4. Reflect on Past Vulnerabilities: Recall a time when embracing vulnerability led to a positive outcome. Reflecting on this experience can reinforce the benefits of vulnerability and motivate you to embrace it in future situations.
5. Set Authentic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection, set goals that reflect your true self and values. For example, if you're working on a project, focus on aligning your goals with your personal values and strengths, rather than trying to meet external expectations.
6. Gratitude Journaling: Start a gratitude journal where you write about moments when you felt vulnerable and how those experiences positively impacted your life. This practice can help you see vulnerability as a source of strength and growth.
7. Mindfulness Meditation: Incorporate mindfulness meditation into your daily routine. This practice helps you stay present and acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Over time, mindfulness can make it easier to embrace vulnerability.
8. Seek Feedback: Regularly ask for feedback from colleagues, friends, or family members. Constructive criticism can help you grow and build resilience. Plus, seeking feedback shows others that you're open to improvement and willing to be vulnerable.
9. Join a Support Group: Consider joining a support group or community where people share their experiences and support each other. This can provide a safe space to practice vulnerability and learn from others' journeys.
10. Celebrate Vulnerability Wins: Create a habit of celebrating moments when you embraced vulnerability, no matter how small. Share these wins with a trusted friend or write them down in a journal. Recognising your progress can boost your confidence and encourage more vulnerability.

At the end of the day, embracing vulnerability isn't about exposing yourself to harm; it's about connecting deeply with yourself and others. It's about fostering genuine relationships, promoting growth, and living a life that's true to who you are. So, let's take a step forward together, embrace our vulnerabilities, and celebrate the beautiful messiness of being human. Remember, in a world that often tells us to hide our flaws, choosing to be vulnerable is a revolutionary act of courage and authenticity.

My challenge for you this week is to may space for you to be vulnerable and report back on how that went.

Prajesh

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