Embracing Vulnerability: My Journey Through Trauma, Anxiety, and Healing
Gary Williams
Feeling stuck, uncertain about your next chapter? As a Midlife Reinvention Coach, I help people 40+ overcome mindset blocks and create a life they want.1000+ Clients Served
As you may well be aware, I have done a lot of therapy over the years, but still, I come across new revelations when meditating and doing my breathing in the morning first thing. It’s during these quiet moments that buried thoughts resurface, thoughts that are often difficult to accept. I find myself pushing them away, finding excuses not to deal with them, yet they persist, demanding attention.
The Shadows of Childhood
Some of these thoughts take me back to my childhood. I vividly remember being held up in the air, balanced on a big boy's knee. His knee pressed painfully into my back, leaving me gasping for breath and nearly passing out. There were also threats of being beaten up on my way home, living in constant fear that someone might jump out and attack me. These memories are stark reminders of a time when I felt utterly powerless.
This kind of childhood trauma engages the body's fight-or-flight response. Over time, this response can become chronic, fundamentally altering how we perceive the world. For me, it has left a lasting sense of vulnerability and fear.
The Lingering Impact on Health
I often wonder whether these childhood events have contributed to my ill health as an adult. Heart attacks and other health issues can be traced back to prolonged periods of stress and anxiety. When your body is constantly in a state of high alert, it wears down over time, leading to serious health consequences.
Financial Anxiety: A Legacy of Trauma
This sense of vulnerability has also affected other areas of my life, particularly around money. The fear and uncertainty from my childhood seem to have translated into anxiety about financial security. I've found myself becoming almost phobic about what comes through the letterbox, dreading bills and financial responsibilities. This anxiety can be paralyzing, making it incredibly difficult to manage everyday tasks and responsibilities.
Now, I’m being forced to confront these issues head-on while also caring for Shirley after her stroke. Balancing caregiving with managing financial matters is a daunting task, especially when old fears and anxieties resurface.
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Finding Healing and Resilience
Despite these challenges, I have found ways to cope and move forward. Here are some strategies that have helped me on this journey:
Sharing My Story
Sharing my story isn’t easy, but I hope it can help others who are facing similar challenges. How have you navigated your own mental health journey? Have mindfulness and meditation brought you new insights? I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Your story might be the beacon someone else needs.
For more support and to connect with others on a similar path, consider joining the Thrive with Gary community on Patreon. Together, we can transform our lives from merely surviving to thriving.
Cheers
Gary