Embracing uniqueness, a parent's heartbreaking lesson on strength

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Today my heart stopped. My five year old daughter looked up at me with those innocent blue eyes and whispered that she's being teased because she's different. Those words hit me like a freight train. She has freckles, she's bigger than the other girls, the word fat was cruelly tossed her way plus she is “sassy.” But let me tell you something. I've been her Mama for five years and this girl marches to the beat of her own drum. She is different, and she's an absolute superstar.

As parents, we understand the profound impact that words can have on our children. When she shared her pain with me, I felt my heart stop, my throat tighten, and I realised I'd been holding my breath for far too long. You see, I spend my days coaching professionals in the workplace on how to harness their unique strengths, to leverage their potential, to shine in their own way. But when your flesh and blood your precious child, your baby, confides in you that she's sad because she's different. It's a unique kind of heartbreak, heartache you never want to feel again.

I listened to her, I empathised. I told her that I understood and that I especially understood how hard it must have been for her to hear those hurtful words. I reminded her how much I cared about her and how much I loved her. And I wanted her to know that she is different, but that's what makes her wonderful. She has a big heart. That's something to be really proud of. She's a kind, caring girl. That's something to be very proud of. She's super creative and incredibly imaginative. Those are things to celebrate. And she's got what I like to call leadership skills. She walks to the beat of her own drum. She knows her own mind and she knows what she wants and she goes after it. That is an absolute strength in this world. There are so many of us who struggle to find our path but she will never be one of them. She knows her own mind. She knows what she wants, and she goes after it. And for that I am immeasurably proud of her.

?I told her how proud I was that she spoke to me about it, and that she could talk to me about at any time. I also showed showed her beautiful models on the internet who had freckles just like her with gorgeous red hair. She said I can't believe how beautiful they are mummy. I said I can't either because they're just like you. Look the sun shines out of their eyes too, just like yours. I talked to her about how strong her body is and how she is a superstar swimmer because of her strong body, she showed me her "guns" and reminded me that hers are bigger than her brothers!? She gave me kisses when I told her children used to call me tall and skinny at school, she was shocked, “but you’re not skinny Mama” I took that one on the chin! ?

I gave her lots of hugs and sent her off to school with a big smile on her face that day. When she returned home, I shared a story with her that I remember from many years ago that I thought might help. It's the story of Gillian Lynne, who at the age of seven was taken to the doctor by a very concerned mother, because she was constantly teased at school. She was told she was different because she couldn't sit in her chair. She was disruptive in the classroom, and they actually nicknamed her "wiggle bottom." Gillian's mother was so concerned that she thought there was something wrong with her daughter, something that needed fixing. This was back in the days before ADHD was even an idea.

The doctor they saw that day, what a wonderful man, as he did see something different in Gillian. He put some music on in the room and left her alone. What happened next was magical. Gillian couldn't resist the music. She jumped up, she twirled she danced around the room utterly captivated. The doctor Gillian’s mother aside and said there's nothing wrong with your child. She's a dancer! He recommended that Gillian be sent to a dance school. Years later, she not only graduated from the Royal Ballet School but she also met Andrew Lloyd Webber. Together they created some of the most iconic theatre productions in history, including Phantom of the Opera and Cats.

Being different is not something to hide or be ashamed of. It's something to embrace and be incredibly proud of. As I tried to explain to my daughter, it's a reminder that you never have to fit into someone else's box, or someone else's idea of what you should be. In our household. We have a saying, “you do you.” I have three children and they're all very different. Every day I tell them how proud I am of them because they did them today. As I reflect on this, I realised that the lessons I help unlock in the corporate world apply just as much at home, embrace your uniqueness. Use your strengths and let your light shine is a message I'll continue to share with my children, with my colleagues and really anyone who will listen and needs a reminder that being different and being unique is a beautiful thing. Because it truly is.

Question: Are you doing you today?

#youdoyou

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