Embracing Team Conflict As Ally

One way to become better at something is to create new, positive behaviors and habits. Another way, sometimes much easier and quicker, is to just avoid your worst ones.

In my experience, a balance of both is especially true when it comes to conflicts in teams and relationships.

Conflict as an Ally

In her book "Systems Inspired Leadership," Fridjhon emphasizes a fundamental principle in working with relationships and teams: the belief that systems possess innate intelligence and creativity. Conflict, though initially perplexing, challenges the system, indicating the emergence of something new. As Fridjhon writes,

"Knowing the system is intelligent, generative, and creative gives people the confidence and strength to 'sit in the fire' and wait for insight to emerge."

By adopting a mindset that views conflict as an ally and disturbance as a welcomed guest, we shift from "who does what to whom" to "what is trying to happen here?".

Knowing What to Remove

Leadership development often focuses on enhancing skills like communication, empowerment, and innovation. However, there's an often overlooked perspective: it's not just about getting better at something but also about recognizing what to avoid to prevent things from getting worse. It's not about changing what you do but also about knowing what to stop.

Author Nassim Nicholas Taleb's concept of "Via Negativa" illustrates this principle. It suggests that we often have greater clarity about what's wrong than what's right, making it easier to identify problems than their solutions.

Michelangelo aptly put it:

"The sculpture is already complete within the marble block; I just have to chisel away the superfluous material."

When it comes to conflicts in teams and relationships, improving your ability to handle them is valuable but time-consuming. Knowing what to avoid is more effective initially.

Fostering More Creative Team Conflicts

I love to work with artists. I am inspired by their creations, their ability to turn emotions into creative expression and their courage to break rules.

What I sometimes observe is that depth in creative expression can turn into emotional explosion in relationships, and breaking rules can turn into overstepping personal boundaries.

Here are three proactive steps and three things to refrain from, enabling you to engage in more creative conflicts within your team:

To Do:

1. Get into the right mindset (”conflict as an ally”) and view conflicts as an important and inseparable part of any relationship.
2. Be clear on how you want to handle conflicts. Design your expectations around them with your team (in the sense of: “how to be want to be together when conflict occurs?”)
3. Work on your conversational skills so you can soften the conflict (here a link to recent post).

To Avoid:

1. Blame and showing contempt.
2. Excessive talking.
3. Taking things personally and making them personal.

Conflict, when approached with the correct mindset, skill set, and the art of knowing what to avoid, can serve as a catalyst for connection, innovation, and breakthroughs. Embrace it.