Embracing a Spectrum of Possibilities

I received it from many people in my community and network. I was proud as our family was included in this consultation. More information can be read here and feedback can be shared https://engage.dss.gov.au/developing-the-national-autism-strategy/ ?

I was overjoyed to read that the Draft National Autism Strategy for Australia will also link to the National Roadmap for Mental Health and will include specific actions and outcomes to improve the health and mental health of Autistic people and their families and carers.

Over the last few years, I have reflected on my interactions, and since identifying as Autistic, I have spotted more and more moments of difference that I hadn’t noticed before.

One memory stands out from my teenage years when I was different and struggled with the differences my social awkwardness made for me. If sharing how I felt can help someone else feel less alone, this is good.

It resonated in the form of a song, first released in 1992 when I was 11. It immediately resonated because it was banned from being played on Radio 1 in the UK because of its words. I instantly loved it both due to the words and the melody. To me, it wasn’t a sad song. It was a song that I would press the tape deck and rewind and play again and again if I could. I would also ask for it to be turned up when it is allowed to play on the radio in the new friendly version. And yes, today, if it pops into my super mix as I listen to it while writing this blog, I may end up playing it 20 times in one day because of my love for one song. I play it because it makes me feel and reminds me how far I have come since my teenage years.

When I was a teenager, I was insecure, lonely, confused, unsure, and weird. No matter how hard I tried, I was unsure why I didn’t fit into a world of 90s pop. Little did I know I wasn’t the only one.

I should never have tried. ?Alternative rock is more of my scene. Think Stereophonics, Greenday and my favourite, Radiohead.

My favourite Radiohead song, “Creep,” was their debut single.

“Creep”, performed by Radiohead, YouTube, XL Recordings, 1992. Written by Colin Greenwood, Ed O’Brien, Jonny Greenwood, Phil Selway, Thom Yorke, Albert Hammond, and Mike Hazlewood.? Produced by Sean Slade

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When you were here before

I couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

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I wish I was special

You're so very special

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But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

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I don't care if it hurts

I wanna have control

I want a perfect body

I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice

When I'm not around

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You're so very special

I wish I was special

When you were here before,

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But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

Oh-oh, oh-oh

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She's running out the door

She's running out

She run, run, run, run

Run

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Whatever makes you happy

Whatever you want

You're so very special

I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here

I don't belong here

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The song may be depressing to some, but to me, it is a cry for help. People don’t ask for help if they don’t want to survive and figure out how to thrive. This song is about someone asking to fit in, figuring it out, and be heard. But should they really be fitting in, or should society be more accepting of differences?

I wish I knew then, what I know now.

This song talks about “I want to have control,” but sometimes control can be in the form of the environment we live and work in. For those of us on the Spectrum, being able to control and calm the environment we live in helps to balance the information and sensory overload, which can be overwhelming if we don’t control things happening in our lives, especially when emotions and hormones are high.

“Look you in the eye” is something I still struggle with today, especially If I am coming up with ideas or a solution for architecture and design. My eyes will flit as I draw the architecture and the data model in the sky. I was swapping items here and there if required. It can hurt to force myself to look at someone, especially If I don’t fully trust them or am annoyed, not being listened to, or being talked over. I also see this in many individuals on the spectrum.

“So very special” is a saying I used to be called when I was young, “what makes you so special” was a phrase used often. Looking back now, it was because they didn’t understand my differences (neither did I ) and my weirdo status, which meant I lacked a filter and would ask all the questions that I needed. I wasn’t afraid to do so and wouldn’t caveat it either. Now I have learnt to say, “This may come across as blunt, but…….” Or “Looking at this from a different perspective……” or “I may be oversimplifying things, but……” many ways of communicating and changing my particular ways to be less reckless.

However, now I will embrace being called special (or unique) because I certainly am that. Few people in the world can invent, design, and implement the data and AI projects I make happen with my teams.

“I want you to notice when I'm not around.” When I was younger, I wondered if people would even know if I wasn’t because I struggled to find a place where people would be okay around me and me around you. I did not know how to ask someone to play or be a friend. It wasn’t how I communicated; those social queues aren’t built into those on the Spectrum.

“I want a perfect body; I want a perfect soul.” Many people on the spectrum struggle with Perfectionism because things have to be done in a certain way or fit a specific mould. The idea of good enough is hard to accept. As a teenager, I wanted the perfect body and perfect soul. No one tells you that beauty lives in imperfections. Beauty lies in the creativity of your soul.

“What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.” I often think about this. There are many times as an autistic person that I feel as I walk into a room; what the hell am I doing here? Look at all these amazing people; I don’t belong here. This almost happens weekly with clients and at conferences, panels, and speaking events, so I have learnt to look for the people I know and trust, and I must suppress the feeling of running and hiding. (As my fight or flight response kicks in)

I have to think to myself that the negative voice inside my head has been built from those who told me to sit still, behave, don’t tap, don’t click the pen, stop talking, stop touching, stop running, stop asking too many questions, too loud, too quiet, too weird, too colourful. Slow down, sit down and shut up. Be a good girl.

When you’ve been told these things so many times, like an AI, your brain starts to believe the training it has gone through, and you have to reinforce learning to stop the negative thoughts and rewire the belief systems that have been built into the system.

Silencing the neurodiversity inside myself is also silencing creativity and innovation—effectively silencing the things that make me authentic.

To my daughters, I hope you don’t hate me for the label you have been given. As you turn into teenagers, you may no longer need assistance; however, right now, I see your label as an opportunity to shine and a label that permits you to be different, creative, a whirlwind of curiosity, and a ray of sunshine. Let’s hope that others see it this way as well.

To the little people reading this, encourage the weird and do not be ashamed of the person you are. You are beautiful and unique, just the way you are. You belong here.

And a final nod to the Draft Autism Strategy for Australia. Thank you for those who have opened the consultation process. I hope that every senior leader in multiple organisations, small and large, leaders who recognise that they or their family members are Neurodivergent get involved, review and provide feedback; we have the opportunity to make a difference in so many lives and ensure that there is a strategy that lasts.?

My favourite element of the strategy is the strengths-based and neurodiversity-affirming approach. Rather than looking for ways to help Autistic people “fit in” in a neurotypical world which I can confirm that I do not and do not want to “fit in”, the draft Autism Strategy will take a neurodiversity-affirming approach, valuing and respecting all neurotypes. It seeks to promote understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. And as the draft strategy is so eloquently written, mentions “The need for change sits with society as a whole.” I think it starts with a celebration of the weird, the wonderful, and those who are creative.

#4PositiveFutures #GetTheFutureYouWant #LifeAtCapgemini #AutismAwarenessDay #NeuroInclusive #Autism #AustralianAutismStrategy #Creative #SeeHerBeHer

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