Embracing Self-doubt

I’ve recently been elected a Fellow of the RIBA. And by all the professional measures I can think of, I’d guess that most people would describe me as successful. And of course, I should have no problem saying that about myself because I’m a white, male architect. This attitude of self-assurance is expected in the profession; anything else is seen as weakness. The image of the arrogant architect is a trope perpetuated, even celebrated, in our industry. But it’s time we challenged that, for all our sakes. Self-doubt is a natural and useful asset if we manage it.

I’m from a steadfastly working-class background and I can spin a yarn about being the first person anyone in my extended family knew who went to University. Without exaggeration, I can paint a picture of someone who, against the odds, achieved. And while this is true to some extent, it’s only part of the story. I was lucky too. I left school at 16 and somehow stumbled onto a government training scheme (YTS) working in a small architectural practice. I started to see the possibilities for me, and I was able to go to University at a time when tuition was free and full (non-repayable) grants were available for students whose parents were on low incomes. Without this financial support I simply wouldn’t have gone. A University offered me an almost unconditional place because I happened to be interviewed by a lovely old Marxist who took a shine to me. Such is life.

As for working in practice, I didn’t much care for it. My ‘year out’ was a soul-destroying experience and I decided architecture wasn’t for me. I tried my hand at writing, music, anything that presented itself, even the odd short-term architecture gig, just to make ends meet.

After many years I got back into the profession out of financial necessity, but eventually I found that architecture could be the creative outlet I craved. Now I’m a jolly good Fellow, but because of my background and the route I’ve taken into architecture – almost by accident, reticently - I still feel like an outsider; an imposter.

I often hear or read about people who, despite achieving much in their careers, say they have ‘Imposter Syndrome’. They’re usually women. Whether it’s Michele Obama, Jacinda Ardern or a young architect finding their way in the profession, a sense of self-doubt plagues even the most talented and successful among us. It is clear that disability, class, ethnicity and gender all play a part in shaping self-doubt. Men, particularly those from privileged backgrounds, have been imbued with a sense of self-esteem that removes such barriers to their ambition - regardless of their capabilities. We might even call this ‘Entitlement Syndrome’, as it has just as much impact on behaviour as ‘Imposter Syndrome’.

In architecture as in many professions, we glamourize, celebrate and expect an attitude of unwavering self-confidence in our practitioners. This type of bold, assertive character is an inherent part of the paradigm of “success” as we have learned to perceive it; a stereotypically white, male, middle-class character who needs never experience self-doubt. As a consequence of idealising this subject, many professionals – particularly the white males to whom the image is most fitting – conceal or suppress their own feelings of anxiety or inferiority. This denial has in part, I think, led to the pathologization of uncertainty, or ‘Imposter Syndrome’ as it is most commonly called, particularly in marginalised social groups. In my mind, ‘Imposter Syndrome’ is not a syndrome at all but a symptom. The true disorder is the lionisation of that assertive, (usually white) male – and it is spread in part by the reluctance of successful men to talk about our own experiences with any sense of doubt.

What I’m saying is that, unless it’s overwrought to the point of incapacity, self-doubt shouldn’t be perceived as a wholly negative trait. Typically, self-doubt usually leads to harder work, deeper understanding, makes us more open to collaboration, and better results. So, let’s not fetishize this feeling into a ‘syndrome’ that needs correction, but recognize self-doubt as simply being part of the human condition. A hallmark of humility and humanity. I’m sure that it makes for better people and better designers.

And dear fellow successful males, let’s stop pretending we never doubt ourselves.