Embracing Rejections

The job market, especially in tech, is a cut throat and ever changing market. People are succeeding, learning, gaining experience and growing all the time. Someone with career breaks can feel that they are out of the game when they think of taking the plunge to find a job. Rejection is 100% the hardest part of a relauncher's journey to finding their first job. Hence I wanted to share my rejection stories, what I learnt from them and how I navigate it.

Growing up, I didn't have to deal with rejections for the most part. Especially not in a sequential way that I experienced while career reentry. When people say rejection after rejection after rejection, that is only partial truth! Rejections are a frequent stop on the career returners journey. There are so many more before you get to hear that you moved to the next step, let alone acceptance. The first few rejections feel like someone ran a sword across your gut. When recruiters outright say that the gap is the reason for them to move on to the other candidates adds to the fire! I applied to several jobs everyday.

The more jobs I applied to, rejections followed, staring in my face like an obstinate teenager.

Soon, I realized with every rejection I was going through a similar emotional process:

Below I share rejections during various phases of job searches.

Rejections when networking:

As soon as I started looking for jobs, I started reaching out to my close contacts from when I used to work. I needed help with several things- my resume, job openings on their teams, collect LinkedIn recommendations, and finally if someone was willing to be my references. I hoped that some junior colleagues who I had helped out in their early careers and my peers would extend me support. It literally tore my heart when day after day at LinkedIn messages had no responses. Back then, I was wrong, to expect that I could leverage past relationships after not caring for them for years. If you haven't kept these contacts alive throughout the career gap, it is hard to revive when you need them. It is like still caring for a plant during winter so that when spring comes you can still bear the fruits. If you forget to bring the plant indoors, prune it and provide the necessary care, it is most likely to die.

Anyone planning for a career break- make sure you make time for maintaining these relationships instead of falling off of the face of earth- which is what I did! If you are in the same boat as I was, messaging and emailing them is very likely to not get a response. I have only one piece of advice - prepare yourself with the possibility of no response from an ex-colleague who sat next to you for 5 years, and went to lunch everyday! You can’t wake up one day and expect people to remember you, help you and be friends just like nothing had happened.

I also got far more message responses from strangers that I would find on LinkedIn whose background I found interesting and helped me out a lot. I was able to narrow down my field of interest, find jobs, and get questions answered about company culture and the interview process from complete strangers.

• Don't hesitate to reach out to anyone in or out of your network.
• Don't expect them to respond- everyone is busy just like you. If you really are interested, send a reminder message.
• Don't take it personally- don't blame yourself, the gap or your circumstances. It doesn't mean anything about you. It just means either they are busy, or they don't think they can help you.
• Keep searching for people and reaching out with genuine questions- irrespective of responses.

Rejections when you apply online

Most days, as I woke up, the first thing I would do is scroll through my inbox with eyes 1/4th opened to see if I received any responses on my applications from last night! I had no patience! But as I scrolled, I would see automatic rejections for some of the applications, and some from recruiters that I wasn't the right fit. The rest of my day was a full course of pity party, with several sides of negative self talk. My thoughts would oscillate between

Firstly, I would say to job seekers, never do this first thing in the morning- it is easier said than done. It sets the tone for the day, and it definitely isn't the right tone if you want to be productive.

Secondly, again, the rejections aren’t indicative of your skills and how good or bad you are! It is just not the right fit.

Finally, find time maybe at the end of the day to look through rejections to see if there is a trend. If this is the role that you really want, figure out what is the most important message in the job descriptions and if that is missing in the resume or your application. Maybe it is a skill gap or lack of experience. Once you have figured out why, determine if you still want to pursue that role. If yes, try to work on either updating the resume with what is relevant for the roles you are applying to, or build the skill gap by taking short courses to show initiative on your part.

Rejection by recruiters and hiring managers before and after interviews

While I was trying to get back, a lot of them would look at my resume, call me and ask why I have a gap. I would answer truthfully and they would still reject me without seeing the rest of my resume and my experience. Most industries now embrace career gaps and look at the experience. I have heard from fellow relaunchers or still on their journey that recruiters are questioning candidate’s gap in career history and can be a reason for a rejection. I almost always followed up rejection by asking the reason. If this happens to you and you aren't prepared for it, it can be very difficult to overcome. When the feedback was that I had a career break I would thank them for the feedback and also elaborate as below-

The gap is in fact the reason why I am a great fit compared to others as I will bring a new perspective that others who have been in this day in and day out won’t have to offer. Someone with a gap not only brings experience of a seasoned professional but also the fresh perspective and energy of a new graduate and young hires!

Hopefully they can see the confidence, experience and value you can bring by sharing your thoughts about your gap.

Self- rejection

When you see rejections every step of the way, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our brains are wired to see resistance as something we should stop doing and save ourselves. But we know better- rejection is not equal to being hit by a truck and dying- even though it might feel that way in the moment. But rejection is a data point, collect enough data points to analyze your next steps to get to where you want to be.

Rejection is merely Redirection

At one point I was very sure of getting an offer after an interview I had just finished. But soon I found out that they had decided to not go forward. That really broke me into a million pieces and I was back to the stage of self loathing and self-pity. I had to crawl my way back up. I learnt that I shouldn't expect things to go my way. Also, getting a lot of them helps you understand how you will process and move forward and you get better at handling them and bounce back quicker. I was able to go from frustration and disappointment to acceptance quicker. I stopped blaming myself and found learning lessons to apply to my next round. And I also realized that there were other factors at play beyond my skills and capabilities. The team had to like me as a person and see me as their team-mate and I should fit culturally- these are handful reasons. I heard somewhere that

Hiring managers don't hire people

a hiring teams do.

Even if I was great at what I do, if the team doesn't like me it will not work. So for my next time I decided to give my best shot and leave the rest. And sure enough recruiter told me that I didn't get it- yet again!. In the past, I would cry, self-doubt and pity before I got back to applying and making progress. But having known the rejection space by now, I handled it in a much more mature way. I am grateful to have the opportunity to learn how I can grapple rejection and leverage it to move on.

My only 2 cents to anyone going through rejection is to face it. Find how you can deal with it and use that as a template every time you face a rejection. This way you make the reaction arc smaller and the diminish the amount of negative feelings. Some folks find that sleeping helps, others might find activities like running, painting or dancing or talking to a trusting circle of people. Managing and leveraging rejection to your advantage is an important life skill!