Embracing Rejection and Failure: My Hard-Won Lessons (and Strategies We All Need)

It’s conference application season for me. That means, it’s the season of rejection and failure–again. You see, I’ve set my sights on speaking opportunities at conferences I have no business getting into. It started a few years ago, when I prepared for the launch of my book and decided that I wanted to break out of my regional network in Western Canada and start speaking in the US. There was a problem, though. I had spent the last fifteen years of my career behind spreadsheets and documents and had almost zero experience speaking.

While not all of you will agree with this, my plan was to apply to as many places as possible. The first couple of years, I applied for about 30 industry conferences a year and would summarily get about 28 rejection letters. But guess what? I got into big conferences in both Canada and across the US. This led to more invitations, new clients, lasting connections, and tons of learning.?

I am telling you this story because it’s how rejection and failure work. (My strategy advisor and editor Janet Goldstein also says that I am a total champ at rejection and failure and that I need to tell more people about it!)

In a previous article in this series, I talked about why we need to balance 10X and 2X growth (using the marshmallow experiment as a metaphor). The corollary topic, of course, is learning how to cope with risk, rejection and failure.

In today’s rapidly changing landscape of knowledge work, your ability to handle rejection and failure will directly impact your ability to succeed and achieve and 10X your goals. It will determine your success over someone with better education, smarts, connections, looks, and a Louis Vuitton handbag. In my case, I can confidently say that I’ve been able to 10X my results in a short period because of my ability to cope with rejection and failure.?

(For the record, my success rate has improved dramatically. I am not “throwing spaghetti against the wall” anymore. But I credit the early momentum to my stick-to-itiveness in the face of rejection and failure.)

Getting Real About Rejection and Failure

In case you need definitions (which you probably don’t) to help you:

• Failure is personal. Failure is you not achieving your goals.
• Rejection is someone else telling you no. It’s not winning in someone else’s eyes.

I have attended events with an incredible organization called “Fuckup Nights” which is a group dedicated to using “failure as a tool for growth in both individuals and organization.” Fuckup Nights hosts funky business events where entrepreneurs from the community speak candidly about their failures. The events are a hoot.

You’ve probably heard that Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Or that Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four years old. Or that Oprah Winfrey was demoted from a news anchor job because she was thought to be unfit for television. And of course, we know that Abraham Lincoln had a long list of failures, including eight election losses and a nervous breakdown.

These examples are interesting. They are humorous. They inspire us.

But I don’t believe that these stories translate on a daily basis to the needs of the average knowledge worker. Most of us can’t apply the failures of iconic figures to our lives at the office or grinding away at our businesses.

Dealing with rejection and failure isn’t just for superstar athletes, moguls, or icons of history. It’s a muscle everyone has to work at. You can read all the books and the social media posts about rejection and failure in the world, but they won’t do you any good if you don’t practice them.

6 Ways to Get Better at Handling Rejection and Failure: My Personal Lessons

As an expert in rejection and failure, here are some my lessons to help your own learning:?

1. Increase your output for bigger failures (and to get a win at the same time).

You need to practice bigger “batches” (i.e., chunks of similar tasks) of work to get more failures. The more failures you have, the more your chance of a win. I can reach out and do 20 sales emails. I might get 19 nos, but I will usually get a yes, too. Up your failures, you will up your wins, too.

2. Visualize your failures as much as your wins.

As you plan for your 2025 goals, don’t just picture winning. Picture the failures and rejection that will come. I know this is not enjoyable or fluffy. If I want my business to evolve, I know our team will go through a learning curve with AI and data analytics. It will take time. My team and I will make some missteps. None of it will be perfect. If I want to expand my business and go into new industries or solve new problems, and I do, I will encounter clients who won’t bite.

3. Practice failure daily.

Failure and rejection are practiced through little acts of courage. There are so many options.

• Try out a new AI application weekly or monthly–and keep experimenting.
• Try out speaking in front of your team or presenting to another department or at a lunch-and-learn.
• Write an idea for a process improvement and risk being wrong.
• Connect with someone senior and ask them for coffee or lunch.
• Open yourself to feedback and criticism.

4. Get fuel from negative energy–don’t wait for positive vibes.

I used to email prospects when I felt confident. I’d write when I felt inspired by some thought leader or podcast. I’d call friends when I was in an upbeat mood. Then, I’d turtle and avoid reaching out when I didn’t feel like it. But this was a losing strategy.?

Instead, let rejection and failure become motivators. While this sounds negative, you often have a lot more negative energy (problems, challenges, obstacles, moods) than positive energy. You can’t wait to do things when you feel like it. I got this advice from Andy Frisella the entrepreneur, podcaster, and motivational speaker who shares his tough-love business advice (loaded with F-bombs) on his podcast the Real AF.

You lost the deal? You were ghosted by a potential new client? Your book was rejected by the fourth publisher? Don't retreat or go for stress eating or retail therapy. As hard as it is to do in reality, use the rejection or failure as fuel to focus you onto new projects, clients, or avenues. There are way more opportunities in the world than you can handle anyways.

(BTW, you can fuel from positive energy too. But it can be in short supply when you need it most.)

5. Allow yourself time to grieve (not wallow).

Just because you can fuel from the negative, it’s still ok to hurt when you fail. Just because I embrace rejection and failure doesn’t mean they don’t hurt sometimes. It hurts when you spend a lot of time on a project and it gets cut. Or you train a new team member for months and they leave. Or you don’t win the proposal. At this point, I don’t take it personally when a conference turns me down (those muscles are in good shape, and I can only attend so many conferences a year anyway!), but I do go through a mini mourning if I lose a team member, client, or project. It still hurts and people don’t talk about that enough. And it can cause worries– will I land a job, will I keep my job, will my business manage the slow period?

It's ok to reflect on what you could have done better. In Daniel Pink ’s excellent book, The Power of Regret (which I strongly recommend) he talks about how contrary to popular misconception, regret is a powerful tool that improves our thinking and decision-making. It makes us better and stronger for the next time – for the next application, client, project, or job interview. That said, from my ample experience, often your rejections have nothing to do with you or what you can control. The client changes strategy. The project budget gets cut. The conference has a different theme that year. Accept it that business is not a fair game and move on.

6. Stop beating yourself up (or your team).

And lastly, yes, you have to stop beating yourself up. If you want to stop this self-loathing behavior, check out The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins . (BTW, I just preordered her new book The Let Them Theory–and can’t wait to read it!)

BONUS LESSON. Remember your strengths, wins, accomplishments–at work and in life.

The advice about gratitude lists (that is, writing down what you’re grateful for as a daily practice), annual reviews, and personal “success portfolios” is all helpful. I opt for an old-school journal-like notebook beside me all day. Get in the habit of giving yourself a boost–you don’t need to wait for anyone. I know you’ve got this.

And don’t forget to embrace your failures and rejections as much as your wins.

****************

Thank you for catching the latest edition of my Leverage Your Knowledge newsletter. This article is from my “New World of Knowledge Work” series. For the full list of articles, see here:

New Rules for the New World of Knowledge Work: 5 Must-Have Skills

The Myth of Self-Promotion for Professionals: Why It's a New Requirement for Success

The Art of Selling for Knowledge Workers: 3 Lessons from the Frontlines

Do You Want to 10X (or 2X) Your Growth? Applying the Marshmallow Principle

If you haven’t subscribed already, please click at the top. If you really like this article, please like, comment, or share with your friends and colleagues!

For my email newsletter covering personal productivity, personal development, and other topics, you can opt-in here.

For guidance on documentation, productivity, and workflow best practices, check out my latest book at The24HourRule.net.

For information and inquiries regarding speaking and training on documentation, governance, risk, and compliance, team productivity, and more, visit bellehumeurco.com or riskoversight.ca.