Embracing the Pause

I spent last week on vacation, a badly needed pause from everything going on, although reality intruded - we were at the beach town in Delaware where President Biden was during the Trump shooting and saw Biden's many escort vehicles rushing him home. At the time we didn't know what was going on, but that became evident pretty quickly. More on that another time.

I'm not so good at slowing down, but our family vacation is the one time of year when I try to. Wake up, sit on the beach, eat good food, repeat. That's about it... kind of. Like many (most?) of you, I find it challenging to completely detach from the daily rhythms of work, so here are some thoughts on that, as well as some broader themes about what it means to take a pause.

The Necessity of Pause

First, the obvious - you need a pause. As I seem to say every week, we usually glorify busyness, equating productivity with self worth. Businesses have figured this out as well; I read recently that something like 80% of people don't use all their vacation time in a given year. There has been a sea change recently with corporate vacation plans, with many companies going to "all you can use" vacation plans - in theory, use whatever you need as long as you and your manager agree. Of course there is a financial benefit to the company; no need to pay out vacation time that accrued when an employee moves on. And they know you're not going to use much time anyway.

Anyone I coach I tell the same thing, and I'll tell you right here: use every hour of vacation you are entitled to. If you don't, you're a sucker. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's important. Whatever perverse logic you may use to justify not taking off is wrong. You need the time off, and your family and friends need you to take the time off as well. So just do it. You don't get extra credit for working harder, you just get more work.

The Struggle to Disconnect

Now that we have that out of the way, let's address another reality. It isn't easy to disconnect. Of course you have tons of things going on, and big decisions are possibly going to get made while you are out, and maybe you have positioned yourself to be the only person who can do something. That may sound like a good idea, but what happens when you want to take off?

The two worst days at work are the day before you leave for vacation, and the day you get back.

My intent on the vacation I just finished up was to leave my work computer at home and just have my phone with me. You know what? I couldn't do it. I convinced myself that "just in case" I would bring the computer along. As you can see, I am my own worst student ??. I'm being honest about it since I bet you do the same thing. Being aware of it, though, and not just going through the motions, makes a difference. It's a fascinating exercise while you are on break. See if you can feel the pull of work, that laptop just a few feet away. What does it feel like in the body? What thoughts arise? What rationalizations does your mind spin up? "I'll just do a quick check in to make sure everything is ok". Or, "I'll just call into one meeting".

If I can make a suggestion, make specific plans before you leave on how you are going to deal with work, and then stick to them. For instance, you may decide that you log on once in the morning to just check email briefly, and then commit to not checking at all the rest of the day. That's a reasonable goal that may make you feel better without having your job take over your vacation. That is what I did last week, and it was fine.

Another thing you should do is set boundaries with your boss and co-workers. Whatever you decide to do - if you are checking in or completely checking out - make sure it is clear to people before you leave so they know what to expect. Giving some way of getting in touch with you in a real emergency is a professional thing to do as well.

While on vacation

Once all that is out of the way and you're actually on vacation, now what? Well, actually be on vacation. By worrying about work during our time off, we rob ourselves of what the present moment offers. Letting go is an act of trust—trust that the world will continue to turn, that our work will be there when we return, and that our value isn't solely defined by our productivity. Be present - notice what is going on and be there for the people you are with, assuming you vacation with others. If you're alone, same deal. Be with yourself, for real, in the now.

Another tip. Pausing the stressful and negative things while you are out is great. Pausing the things that are good for you isn't. Who here lets their diet go by the wayside and their exercise habits disappear while vacationing? You can't tell, but my hand is raised too. If you can, keep up with those things as best you can. Sure you can skip that run and eat that ice cream, but you know how you'll feel after. Keep healthy habits going as best you can and you'll feel better when you return instead of feeling regret. And of course the same goes for any positive mental habits you have as well.

Returning

That deluge of emails that accrued while you were gone is daunting, I know. There are some lessons to be learned, though. I like to look at the last email in what are invariably long strings of responses and notice that things resolved themselves without me being part of them. That should be obvious, but having the record right there in front of you is a great learning opportunity.

Also, and this may be slightly controversial, you can ignore most of the email from when you were gone. Take care of emergencies and things that really need you and ignore the rest. I guarantee your issues will find you even without slogging through hundreds of messages. Besides, you have the excuse that you were out. ??

One more thing, and this is the big one. How long did it take to be stressed out again after returning from vacation? I bet not very long. You may even start planning your next vacation as soon as you are back. The reality is that taking a vacation isn't going to make you happy, or at least for very long. Our minds and bodies are constant adaptors, and easily fall back into our habits over and over again. Happiness is a choice, a state that can be had in the here and now, without waiting for a vacation. It's possible, with mindfulness and a lot of practice, to find happiness and satisfaction in any state - boredom, pain, and stress included. That's a goal worth pursuing even more than a nice vacation.

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." - Thoreau

Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. How do you practice being in the moment during your vacations? How do you overcome the struggle to disconnect from work? I look forward to hearing from you!

-Scott