Embracing My Authentic Self

Reflecting on the past 25 years of my professional career, sometimes it is hard to believe how much experience I have gained on this journey. I am tremendously grateful. One of the greatest highlights I?experienced happened last year.? I was asked to?share my story of supply chain resilience in front of a few hundred colleagues at our annual national meeting.?

What most people in my life today don’t know about is the journey that led me to this point.

Early Life

My mom and dad met in college and got married at an early age. Dad graduated college with a degree in accounting (magna cum laude) and took on his first job with an accounting firm. They had me in 1975, and when I was around six months old, he was let go.? Then, he decided to return to farming, to my mom’s chagrin.

He moved us to a farm that had been in our family for over a hundred years. This house(pictured above, taken in the late 90s) was in severe disrepair.? This was a much different living arrangement than my mom was used to, and she was unhappy.?

They did go on to have two more children (my sister and brother).? In addition to farming, he opened a tax office?in Topeka to do income taxes.? He put in a shower and had a fold-out couch in case he had to stay there when the weather was bad.? My father became abusive to us and ended up spending many days away at a time.? When he came home, we never knew what to expect.? He was drinking heavily, and there would always be fighting.?

Midway through fifth grade, I was summoned to the school front office.? When I arrived, my mom was there, and she was crying.? She said she was pulling my sister and me from that school.? That was my whole life until then, but I wasn’t surprised, given all the chaos in our lives.? We met a caseworker at the YWCA in Topeka, and from there, she took us to our temporary residence at a battered women’s shelter.? We enrolled in our new school, which we attended for only a week or two.

My dad pleaded with?Mom to take him back as he was willing to change.? They made up, and Mom took him back.? Things went well for a few months, and then they returned to how they were before.? This was the final straw.? Mom packed us up, and we all stayed in the back room at my aunt's small house until we found our place.

Back and Forth Again

We moved into an upstairs apartment and started a new life in Topeka.? We would have a visitation with our father every other weekend.? Eventually, he made some progress and got a new job at an accounting firm.? He was doing well.? Halfway through 7th grade, I spent a lot of time with him during winter break.? I missed my friends?and asked if I could move back in?with him.? My parents worked it out so I could see my mom when my father picked up my sister and brother.? That arrangement worked out well for a few months.

My father eventually lost his job and took to drinking heavily again.? During this time, he returned to his old habits, such as?staying with friends in Topeka and going to bars.? This time, I was all alone out at the farm.? Sometimes, I would spend several days without seeing him, and when I did, all hell seemed to break loose.?

I preferred being alone versus never knowing what to expect from my father. The bus would pick me?up and drop me off in front of my house, getting to and from school.? The house was in even worse disrepair by this time.? It was a quarter to a half mile to the closest neighbor.? Since wood heat was the only heat source, the pipes would freeze often, and we would be without running water.? Even if the water was running, the water heater didn’t work.? In the early mornings, the fire would burn out, and it would be so cold I would be able to see my breath. The cellar always had 2 ft of standing water?and?was infested with all sorts of things.? I survived, and even then, I knew it could be much worse.? I never felt like a victim.

Dropping Out

After my 9th grade year, I had enough.? My mom got a new house where we all had our own space. I would eventually go back to Topeka for 10th grade.? As soon as I could work, I got a job at a restaurant that hired me at 15, where I bussed tables and washed dishes. As soon as I got my license, I started driving, and I was off.

One of the bad things about going to a?large inner-city school is that?if you wanted to walk out, you could.? If I could beat Mom home, I could intercept the automated call: “Your son or daughter missed class today.”?

By the time I was 16, I was working two jobs and wasn’t thinking much about anything beyond this.? My 11th-grade year was a disaster.? I had missed too much school.? My closest friends had dropped out by this time.? During that first semester, I got kicked out and missed out on?getting credit.

Dropping Back In

At this point, I didn’t have much direction.? I was able to get back in the next semester, but the start of my second semester wasn’t going much better than the first.? I was on borrowed time.? I was dating someone from a school across town.? I came up with the idea of using my aunt’s address, where we lived before, to go to the same school as the person I was dating.? This was against the rules, but I did it anyway.? This would prove to be a successful move.? I could finish that semester and get full credit.

Choosing My Hard (Senior Year)

I had a successful start to my Senior year. I got good grades and felt in control for the first time.? I started to think about a trade school or even college. Then things took a turn.? It didn’t work out with the girl I was dating. ??After the first nine weeks, I transferred back to my old school, where I was supposed to go in the first place.?

Sometimes life throws us a curveball. ?Mom had been seeing a man from church for the past six months.? He was in a halfway house, which allowed for church privileges.? He violated parole for some reason and returned to a?minimum-security facility.? She would visit him every chance she got.

Around the beginning of my Senior year, the day he got out, they married at the courthouse, and he moved in.? He was not supposed to be around children (I won’t get into this).? My siblings and I were walking on eggshells. ?One night, he and I had a big blowout.? At that point, I didn’t feel safe, so I left, never to return.? I stayed with friends for a while, then reluctantly called my dad to see If I could move back in with him and enroll in school there.? Mom brought my brother and sister to the farm a few weeks later, as she had to choose between the kids and her new husband.? We all lived with Dad again.?

The final semester of senior year was a good one.? I talked to the school counselor about graduation.? He said I could graduate on time if I took advantage of a correspondence course.? I was in the school play “The Crucible” and was on the track team and even lettered.? My coach said he could get me a scholarship at a junior college as he had a good friend who coached there.? At this point, furthering my education wouldn’t be in the cards, but graduating high school would be.

Forgiveness

Sure, I had a few setbacks, but that didn’t deter me from becoming the best version of myself I can be through hard work and determination.? I am constantly learning and growing.? Mom's marriage lasted about a year, and her husband returned to prison.? She started a new life.? A few years after I graduated high school, my dad was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (manic depression).? The old farmhouse burned down a few years ago, although no one had been living in it. ?It made the live breaking local news, and several people contacted me about it.

I don’t hold any grudges.? I have a good relationship with my?mom, and even though my dad hasn’t been in my life for many years, we know how to reach each other if needed.? I am learning to trust again, even though these things happened so long ago. I have come close to becoming the father I have always wanted for my four children, which couldn’t have been possible without my wife (my rock) of 27 years?despite all my imperfections.

Resilience in Leadership

I have always been self-conscious about where I come from and how hard things are for me sometimes.? I fear I might slip up and expose myself to the fact?that I don’t measure up.? This is a paralyzing fear that I am determined to overcome.? To move forward, I needed to step back to find my true, authentic self and be audacious in sharing this journey. Here is to getting out of my comfort zone and hiding no more.