Embracing the Journey: Navigating Life for an Over 45-year-old, Divorced, and Empty Nester

At 45 years old, I had spent more than half of my life as a wife, and mother of two boys. I worked full-time, authored a few books, and started a recruiting firm and life/business Coaching business. In 2018, our youngest was 18 years old, and decided to move out and move to Colorado with our oldest and teach snowboarding. At the same time, my marriage of 23 years ended. I had worn many hats, but my wife and mom hats were the two that I truly built my life around. I did not know who the hell I was anymore or what the fuck I was going to do with myself.

???? I had not dated since 1995, and even then, did not date much. The state of mind that I was in led me to a few questionable choices, and one that is still lingering in my life. Bear in mind that I was providing Life and Business Coaching to high-level executives and executive teams…and had authored a book on confidence… meanwhile, I was searching for who I was if I was not actively mothering my two boys at home and being a wife.

???? That stage of my life was daunting and emotionally taxing, but it was also ripe with opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and reinvention. I went from being mostly joyous and happy to feeling insecure and crying at random shit. What I have come to realize is my experience is similar to many other people’s experiences (specifically older Millennials and GenX), both women and men. Sadly, too many people are truly struggling to find themselves and allow themselves to embrace their new journey.

???? In this article, I share insights and strategies for those struggling with self-worth, confidence, meeting new friends, and finding comfort in solitude.

?Rediscovering Self-Worth

One of the first hurdles to overcome after a divorce and seeing children leave home is the loss of roles that previously defined much of your identity. The absence of a partner and children in the home can create a void that challenges your sense of self-worth. It is crucial to get very intentional with listing out what makes you, you. Here are some steps to rediscover your intrinsic worth:

·???????? Get out into nature, every single day! Whatever you can do to be in, listening to, or looking at nature will help you to clear your mind and open to new inner dialogue.

·???????? Reflect on Achievements: Take stock of your professional and personal achievements. Celebrate the milestones you have reached and recognize the strengths that helped you achieve them. Do not hold back. They are neither too small nor too large. List them all.

·???????? Give yourself Grace: Be kind to yourself. Understand that it is okay to feel vulnerable and confused. Allow yourself to grieve, but do not live in it. You can be sad and move forward, simultaneously.

·???????? Set New Goals: Identify your passions and/or hobbies that you have always wanted to explore. Setting and achieving new goals can boost your confidence and provide a sense of purpose.

·???????? Gaining or Regaining Confidence: Confidence is never all-inclusive in your life, regardless of your situation. Everybody has areas and moments where they lack confidence. After significant life changes, the lack of confidence is bound to outweigh the confidence, however, confidence is entirely in your hands to regain!

·???????? Prioritize Physical Wellness: Regular exercise, meditation, healthy food choices, and adequate sleep improves mood and energy levels. Physical health is intricately linked to mental well-being and confidence.

·???????? Expand Your Knowledge: Read or listen to non-fiction books (min. 20 minutes per day), Enroll in courses, attend workshops, or pursue certifications. Continuous learning enhances your skills, keeps you knowledgeable, and builds confidence.

·???????? Surround Yourself with Positivity: Be intentional about who you allow in your circle. Engage with people who add positivity to your life. People who will uplift and encourage you to be better. Listen to your body when people are around you and you will know who should have a spot in the circle and who should not. Family and friends are not excluded from this. You are not obligated to appease anybody. If they suck the joy from you, push them out of your circle (not necessarily out of your life, simply out of your daily life).

·???????? Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: Building a new social circle at any age can be challenging but also immensely rewarding. You can find neighborhood activities, different types of networking groups, and Book clubs…if you search for adult groups, you will find at least a few near you.

?Finding Comfort in Being Alone

Learning to be comfortable alone is an empowering journey that can lead to deep personal growth. Sometimes you will feel all alone and lonely, but that passes too. The part I struggle with most now is the idea of not having my own space and alone time. I have become quite fond of not having another person involved in my daily life. His presence will not make me cringe when the right one appears. I digress! Here are some tips to embrace solitude:

·???????? Create a Cozy Space: Make your living space a sanctuary. Decorate it in a way that makes you feel calm and happy. A comfortable environment can make alone time more enjoyable. Make it your space, in every way.

·???????? Cultivate Mindfulness: Practices like meditation, yoga, or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness fosters a deeper connection with yourself. None of this will feel comfortable at first. Keep doing it and you will notice a significant difference in the way you feel.

·???????? Date Yourself: Eat at a restaurant alone. See a movie you want to see. Take walks often. Travel by yourself. Do whatever you would like to do, without waiting for another person to join you. It may feel awkward at first, but when you stop giving a good hot damn about what other people may be thinking, you will genuinely enjoy your own company.

? If you are anything like me, your emotions may be in a state of disorder from time to time. You may even feel like you are bound to be the weird cat person that is destined to be alone, forever. You will not be unless that is what you want. I mean, animals are truly so much better than humans. A strong suggestion is to take time by yourself (at least a couple of years) so you can discover/rediscover who you are today, and what you want the rest of your life to look like, before bringing another person into your life. You are in absolute control and are accountable for taking the actions to create the life that you truly desire!

?If you find this valuable, please share!

Thank you for reading and have fun on this amazing journey!

Deb Burger

Deb Burger Life & Business Coaching

Debburgercoaching.com