Embracing the gift of the meeting room elephant is way beyond speaking…

Awkward silences have been a big part of my life. Holding my greatest challenges and my most significant inner growth spurts. For two years I sat with over twenty fellow Postgraduate students and our Professors in the outward appearance of not saying much.

The program was focussed on innovation, group dynamics, systems thinking and self-awareness. The design of the program intentionally stripped away known structures. I found myself at a total loss as to who I was!

I was not a wife, daughter, employee, sister, project director… I had become accustomed to what those roles entailed and what was expected of me.

In this role as student, there were no clear expectations about what to study, what to submit, what to prepare, how to be...

As per the program design, in the absence of structure, my deepest vulnerabilities rose to the surface. Or should I say, burst to the surface! It was painful!

?What it may have looked like on the outside:

• I sat there quietly
• Mostly looking engaged through participating in activities, nodding and other affirmative gestures
• Occasional emotional moments in ‘public.’ Like being on the beach on day 3 of the program crying uncontrollably and the program Director seeing that moment up close…

While on the inside, my inner critic which I came to label as my critical parent (with the help of a guest lecturer who was a psychoanalyst) repeatedly yelled loudly within my mind.

My inner critical parent told me I was the dumbest in the room, I had nothing to contribute, I was the only one that felt that way…

What it felt like on the inside:

• Emotional chaos
• I did not know who I was
• I felt paralysed - running on a hamster wheel in my mind feeling angry at myself and shame about being like ‘that.’

What I experienced over those two years was my elephant firmly planted on my lap during every course session. To the point where it pretty much became like another arm or leg of mine. It had become part of my identity.

I thought the learning was finding the courage to speak, while it was far more than that…

At the time I remember the inner turmoil I felt around not being able to share my authentic voice. I can remember my heart racing and my difficulty in swallowing when I felt compelled to say something…yet often, I didn’t say a word out loud.

If you’d asked me back then, I would have seen the only thing I needed to learn was to pluck up the courage to share my voice. I even did my major assignment on ‘Finding my authentic voice.’

Hindsight would reveal a much deeper gift

What I have learnt with the benefit of hindsight and many further years of action-learning through my own elephant, the people-side of change, team culture, mindfulness and self-development is that sharing my thoughts by speaking is just the tip of the iceberg of the gift of my elephant moments.

In fact, the gift of my elephant these days rarely requires me to actually speak at all! Well out loud at least ??

The elephant is:

• My prompt for self-enquiry
• An invaluable indicator that there is something deep within me usually disguised as a limiting belief that is ready to be excavated and explored for my own greater potential. Which directly correlates with my ability to be of greater service to others.

I have come to relate to the elephant as a signal that something has been triggered in me. And by connecting to what’s emerging in myself, is to also connect to what is in the system.

With up to 95% of our day being in our subconscious programming and our instinct to keep ourselves safe, it’s no wonder we get caught up in our daily routines. Generally putting up with and ignoring our limiting beliefs until something points us to these aspects of ourselves… generally indicated by an emotional reaction of some sort.

For me, that happens when my elephant visits.

Ultimately, what this reflects for me is that our elephant moments are not just about speaking up and/or stating ‘facts’ interlaced with our natural human biases.

For me, the elephant moments are about deeper revelation of what is sitting inside of us as human beings. Our narratives, our conditioning, our fears, our ego, our identity.

When we embrace the awkward silence as much more than a passing moment to be spoken through or to be overcome, avoided or distracted from as quickly as possible, we enable the potential for new growth. For ourselves and the collective.

They can shift from awkward silences to awesome signposts!

May you have a magical workday, every day!

Veronica

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Veronica is known for her ability to help managers and their teams do the ‘human’ stuff, creating connection to enable their technical excellence. She inspires teams and the co-creation of cultures of trust through her authenticity, vulnerability and compassion.

By initiating and holding a safe human space, teams shift from ignoring to embracing the elephant in the meeting room. This breaks old behavioural cycles and opens up new potential for wellbeing and performance.

For over twenty years, Veronica has led the human-side of change in business process improvements, large scale, executive projects and team culture. Working with over 30 teams of all sizes across all service areas.

Veronica is passionate about supporting individuals and managers who are feeling like they are the only ones stuck in the hamster wheel of the human stuff. She wants you to know, you are not alone!?

Veronica is all about co-creating heartful workplaces where we share our unique gifts with each other for greater performance and wellbeing for all. If you enjoyed this article, and would like to receive these direct to your inbox, please leave a thumbs up in the comments.

Contact Veronica via LinkedIn: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/team-collaboration-transformation-melbourne/?or Email: [email protected] or Phone: + 61 402 253 966