Embracing Failure

Last week, I caught up with my friend Ese Perelini , whenever we hang out, we end up chatting about all sorts of stuff—like human behaviour, tech, AI, and the funny side of life. This time, we got deep into talking about the fear of failure. It struck me that everyone goes through this at some point. This fear often stops us from moving forward. In this article, I hope you can relate to some of what I'm sharing. And more importantly, I hope the exercises at the end give you some tools to get past this fear.

Understanding where this fear comes from and learning how to handle it can turn it into a powerful motivator for growth and success.

What's Behind the Fear of Failure?

Fear of failure, or atychiphobia, isn't just about worrying about not succeeding. It's deeply ingrained in us, shaped by early experiences, and reinforced over time. Here are some key things to think about:

• Perfectionism: Ever set crazy high standards for yourself? Perfectionists do this all the time. Anything less than perfect feels like a failure. It puts heaps of pressure on you and can lead to stress and anxiety. To avoid the chance of not being perfect, perfectionists often put off tasks or avoid them altogether.
• Fixed vs. Growth Mindset: You know how some people think they're stuck with the skills they've got? That's a fixed mindset. They avoid challenges because they don't want to look like they're not good enough. But a growth mindset sees skills as something you can improve with effort. It's all about taking on challenges as chances to learn and grow.
• Catastrophising: Ever think one little screw-up will ruin everything? That's catastrophising. Like, messing up a project at work could make you think you'll lose your job, never find another one, and end up broke. Catastrophising makes failure seem way scarier than it really is.
• Identity Attachment: When you tie your self-worth to what you achieve, failing feels like a direct hit to your identity. This can make you super scared of failing, because it feels like it says something bad about who you are. It makes you avoid stuff where you might fail, and that stops you from growing and reaching your potential.
• Social and Cultural Stuff: We all feel pressure from what society expects and what our culture says about success and failure. In cultures where success is everything and failing is shameful, people get extra anxious about failing. Social media doesn't help—it shows off perfect lives and makes our own setbacks feel even worse.

Spotting Fear of Failure

Recognising when you're stuck in a fear-of-failure mindset is important. Here are some signs to look out for:

• Putting Things Off: Delaying stuff because you're scared it won't work out.
• Being a Perfectionist: Setting goals that are way too high and being super hard on yourself.
• Avoiding Challenges: Stepping away from anything that might end in failure.
• Feeling Down on Yourself: Thinking you're no good and doubting your abilities.
• Negative Thinking: Always expecting the worst and not believing in yourself.
• Physical Signs: Getting headaches, feeling sick, or just totally worn out before something big.
• Over-Preparing: Spending way too long getting ready, just to avoid failing.
• Self-Sabotage: Doing things that stop you from succeeding, so you stay in your comfort zone.

If you see a bunch of these signs in yourself, maybe it's time to take on your fear of failure head-on.

Getting Past Fear of Failure

Turning fear into something that helps you grow means trying a few things:

• Change How You See Things: Instead of seeing failure as the end of the world, think of it as a chance to learn. Every flop brings lessons that can push you forward.
• Set Goals You Can Reach: Break down your big goals into smaller steps that you can actually handle. It takes off some pressure and lets you build up your confidence.
• Think About What Could Happen: Spend time imagining what could go right or wrong. It helps take the mystery out of failing and makes you less scared by getting your mind ready for anything.
• Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself like you'd treat a mate who's going through a tough time. Everyone messes up sometimes, and failing is just part of getting better. Being nice to yourself helps you get over it quicker.
• Take Action: Instead of overthinking stuff, get moving. Set deadlines, put stuff in order, and hold yourself to it. Doing stuff stops you from freezing up with fear and gets you closer to your goals.

Getting a growth mindset is a big part of beating fear of failure. It's all about valuing effort and seeing challenges as chances to grow, not things to avoid. By doing that, you can change how you see failing and use it to step up and succeed.

Me and Ese figured out that fear of failure is something we all deal with, but it doesn't have to run our lives. Sure, it keeps us safe sometimes, but it can also stop us from doing cool stuff.

Ever had fear of failure hold you back? Hit me up—I'd love to hear your story!

Till next time, don’t let fear hold you back.

Prajesh