EMBRACING A DIRECT SHOT TO THE EGO

INTRO

It always stings to get your ego put in check – but over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate these moments. There is always a lesson to be learned, and an opportunity to grow and reset.

It’s been over 2.5 years since I launched Up Top, and I can still remember the moment the lightbulb went off in my head with the idea.

Until very recently, it had been a point of pride to be able to say that, for as long as we’ve been in business, I’ve never had one person quit.

In the process of building this thing from the ground up, the core team has spent so much time grinding together. We’ve traveled the world, and had legendary late nights on the road together.

We won together, grew together, and accomplished our goals together. And made way more money than any of us ever had working anywhere else. Together.

Throughout the rest of this blog, I’m going to share my raw emotions, thoughts, reactions, and take away points from the process of dealing with the loss of my first hire.

BIG BRO / LIL BRO

Instead of using his name, I’m going to refer to him as “Player One” – not to throw any shade at all or to bring any shade of disrespect, but because I want to leave no room for misinterpretation, whatsoever. This is NOT about him, or directed at him, in any way — this is me working through my thoughts on a situation that Player One just happened to be a part of.

Let me first lead with the positive elements of our relationship, from my view, to set the table.

From my first intro call with Player One, I knew immediately that I liked him. He was a cool guy that I could definitely see myself hanging out with. I knew that his intentions and motivation for reaching out to me was pure – he was here for the right reasons, and had a mindset that felt very familiar to me. Player One saw where we were going with Up Top, way before we had any success, and had a vision that was very consistent with mine. It was also clear that he was a hustler who thinks outside the box, and was ready to put in work.

Although we had much in common, Player One added a unique flavor to the pot that was a very important part of the recipe. He was a life-long gamer, heavy discord user, active community member, and had been playing around with crypto for way longer than anyone else on the team. He spoke to a different audience – one that I didn’t necessarily know how to connect with, but understood the value in having them involved in our business. Lastly — he was just… a good dude. Reliable, trustworthy, loyal, hardworking, and a man of his word.

When we first met, we quickly developed this “big bro / little bro” relationship. It was clear that he saw me as someone he could learn and grow from, and I saw him as the perfect teammate to run plays with. He had all the fundamentals, understood the mission, and trusted my leadership.?

In the early days, this dynamic was electric, and extremely productive. There was a special connection that was extremely beneficial for us both.

But, after a while, things started to change.?

While the ‘big bro / lil bro’ thing was cool for a while, there came a time when we both just started to out-grow it. Player One had established his own identity of who he wanted to be in the space, and had his own idea of what success looked like.

I, on the other hand, was hanging on to our original dynamic, and saw a different version of his end-state, that I wanted to help him achieve. It wasn’t a selfish thing, or derived from my ego, but really just that I wanted something for him that he didn’t want for himself.

OOGA BOOGA

Let me give you an example, to illustrate my point. It was Player One who brought us one of our flagship clients, Berachain. We were both equally hyped when we did our first deal at Bera.?

To express his enthusiasm, Player One hit the chat after the deal, and said “Ooga booga!”

For those who don’t follow Berachain, “ooga booga” is a commonly used phrase within their community that their fans use to express support for whatever accomplishment they have just achieved. These are the people that call themselves “retarded” and “autistic” on twitter, and describe their jobs as “just a guy doing things.”

I’m a big believer that “everything ain’t for everybody,” and I know for sure that my way isn’t the only way. I have a ton of respect for what these people bring to the space, and understand the game they are playing. With that being said, at the level I’m trying to play at, we don’t call ourselves “retarded.” It’s not gonna earn any respect points in the rooms I want to be in, and it’s not how I want my story to be told.

As you can imagine, I snapped at Player One for saying “ooga booga” to celebrate our deal. In my mind, it signals that we are fanbois looking up to them, rather than bosses in our own right. I see Player One as a boss, and wanted our clients to receive him that way as well. My message to celebrate the hire would have sounded something like, “Hell yeah bro!! We are pumped about this deal, and love working with you guys. We’re super grateful for the opportunity, and ready to get after the next one. Salute!!” You get the point.

Now, should I have gotten snappy about this? Of course not. It was clearly a mistake, and by no means an isolated incident. In retrospect, I can definitely see how this type of behavior would feel overbearing, unnecessary, controlling, and annoying.

From my perspective at the time, I just wanted to help him achieve, what I thought would be, the best version of himself. Looking back now, it’s clear that we had two different visions of what that looked like, and it must have felt like I was a hater, constantly stepping on his wins.

I QUIT

As time continued on, these incidents became cracks in a windshield, that started to spread out and break down our relationship. It was never that bad, but definitely wasn’t the same. When he told me he was leaving the company, I was caught way off-guard. I didn’t see it coming at all. Once I had a minute to let it sink in, I understood why, and realized, it was just time.

My initial reaction was to look internally, and beat myself up about everything I should have done differently. The next two days were really rough. I played back every mistake I made in my head, and questioned my ability as a leader. I feared the worst – that Up Top would lose all of the supporters that Player One brought in through his community, and we would never be able to replace him as our ambassador to the most degen corners of crypto.

I felt guilty, hurt, weak, confused, and incompetent as a people manager.

As a few weeks passed by, my relationship with the situation started to change. Although Player One was an integral part of the team, and a staple in the Up Top community, the ship stayed afloat, without much of a hiccup, and we continued on, business as usual. Off-boarding was smooth, and he helped us find his replacement – a native from his own communities, who could easily pick up where he left off.

Now, let me take a second to tell you about where he went.

The company that poached him from me was a client we had done a few deals with. Because they were friends of Player One, and provided a unique service we thought we could benefit from, we gave them a ridiculous discount on the hires. Not only that – we referred business to them from our clients, and always promoted them within our community when the opportunity presented itself. I felt like we had a nice “ecosystem partnership” developing with these guys. I also personally liked and respected them.

Lastly, I’ll note that one of the people we placed at this company, is someone I welcomed into my closest inner circle of crypto friends that I hang out with outside of work.

So, all that being said, where am I at with it now?

OUTRO

It still stings a little, I’m not gonna lie.?

As I’ve observed his transition, and how he immediately leaned into this character that I was trying to break him from, I totally understand what he was looking for, and why he felt like he couldn’t get that from me. His new firm embraces that energy, and he has a bunch of friends there already. Everyone deserves to be happy – especially Player One, so I am genuinely happy for him. I wish him nothing but success in his career, and anticipate that in due time, this too shall pass.?

The company, however, “eeeehhhh…. (Larry David voice).”

I’m not there yet. No hate… it just, is what it is. I do still feel slightly bitter and betrayed. It’s not an all-consuming emotion, but if I’m honest, it’s there. But on the other hand, business is business, and I respect the game.

I’m not angry, and don’t wish anything negative for the company. …But yeah – it hurt. It was a loss. I don’t like to take Ls. Ever.

I’m not mad at any one individual person that was involved with this move, but I still haven’t fully come around to be okay with the situation.?

I’ll leave you all with this. By no means at all is this the first, or last, L I’ve taken in my career. I’m deeply grateful for every bump in the road that has led to where I am right this very moment.

And in this moment, I’m experienced enough to know that if I let my words, actions, or behaviors be controlled by the bitterness that stems from the hurt I feel because my EGO took a hit, it will only lead to compounded negativity, and create an image that is not consistent with my authentic feelings.

I think it’s okay to have an ego. In fact, I think it’s a massive advantage in many facets of business, to have an ego.

The risk is, that if you leave your ego unchecked, you can lose it all – very quickly.

If anyone can relate, has been through a similar experience, or has something to add, I would appreciate you sharing!

Stay UP ???

- Dan