Embracing Change, Key 6: Blogging, Vlogging, Posting

From, 9 Keys to Embracing Change, by Anne Hilty, ?2023

And then – we externalize.

This absolutely does not mean, sharing your journal entries or recordings. The moment you begin producing either of those for an audience, the authenticity of your experience evaporates. You must write / record only for yourself, so that you’ll be willing to remain as honest, open, and vulnerable as possible, without any censorship of what you’re thinking and feeling.

That said – it’s also very useful to share what you’re going through with others. There are two avenues for this: a therapeutic one, in which you work with a counselor or coach, or join a support group, to be explored in a later chapter; and, as is the intention here, to more casually share with others in the online environment. Very different experiences and not for the same purpose.

This is about reducing anxiety, fear, shame, embarrassment, and other negative emotions that, just by posting on social media for example, can decrease or evaporate; we’ve said the thing out loud, given voice in a public space to our fears. It’s about getting the support of others, though in a more diffuse form, and either anonymously or at least with people you may have never met in person. It’s about keeping yourself motivated, through accountability to others when you share your process of personal growth. We can have secrets in this, too: of failure or inadequacy, of what we’re attempting to change and why (such as addiction or dysfunctional ways of relating to others), of our fears and anxieties even as we’ve initiated and want this change.

For example: to explore in a journal or with a therapist all that you’re going through in a divorce process is very revealing and insightful, and you’re allowing yourself to be highly vulnerable (I hope, in order to get the most from either process). To post online, “Having a difficult day today in Divorce Land” is far less vulnerable (nothing personal is revealed other than the fact of divorce and your difficulty today), yet likely to engender a great deal of well-meant sympathy and possibly helpful advice. Anyone who engages in social media (yes, it can also be a swamp), and especially engages in groups (ditto), may be familiar with this – but all too often, we simply post memes or positive messages, and nothing at all about feeling bad. You’re likely to find, though, that simply by posting those few words in a public forum, a good deal of air will have been let out of that particular balloon – that is, the tension or anxiety you were feeling before writing it will likely have reduced more than you anticipated, just by the writing and posting itself. And the emotional risk is minimal.

Secrets kept are shame festering, in many cases, and ‘going public’ in this way prevents shame from building up inside. Hiding is hiding. Even if you’re normally a very private person, when going through times of change, it’s better to let a few (or many) people know; when we keep things to ourselves, we’re sending a message to our unconscious that there’s a reason not to let anyone know, and it becomes this deep and possibly dark secret as a result – kept between your conscious and unconscious minds alone.

You might feel very awkward about this. You may question its merit, feel that others will judge you, or not want to bother others with your troubles. Try it once. Post a very simple message of just a few words that says something about how you’re doing in the midst of major change. No real explanation needed – just a ‘Divorce Land’ kind of simple post. See what happens. See how you feel. For many, it’s surprisingly helpful, and they keep posting.

As to accountability, this comes in times of change both welcome and unwelcome, in that we share with others – either very basic or in detail, that choice is always yours –what we’re going through and the steps we’re taking to get to the next stage, ultimately to get through to the other side – to reach the new country, our new norm. By posting, “Today I’m going to make that call I’ve been dreading” or “Today I’m going to send out my CV to 10 potential employers” serves to reinforce our intention within our own mind. Now we’ve gone public, and even if we don’t do what we intended and don’t post any follow-up, we’ve still reinforced to ourselves the need to do so – and might do better with it next time.

Blog, vlog, or post, whatever method works for you (and whatever platforms you’re already on); just put out there to others what you’re feeling, or what steps you’re taking, with or without detail (though perhaps don’t go into too much detail, even so – boundaries!), so that you’re not only telling your journal, and/or your therapist (and your pillow in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep for all the anxiety) – now you’re also telling others. And, you’re letting some air out of that tension balloon.

And all those responses – “yeah, me too,” “I know about that,” “hang in there, it gets better,” “just take one step,” “I’m with you,” “you got this,” etc., etc. – will go a very long way in helping you further along your path of transition. They may be strangers to you, nothing more than a name on a screen, but they’re members of the human family – and they empathize.

Accountability. And externalizing. And publicizing. And sharing.

From, 9 Keys to Embracing Change, by Anne Hilty, ?2023