Embracing Change, Key 3: Mindfulness Meditation

[excerpted from, 9 Keys to Embracing Change: Personal Growth ?2023]

Mindfulness is perhaps one of our greatest tools for embracing change.

Here we look at mindfulness meditation in particular, for reasons which will soon become apparent. But first: a closer look at mindfulness itself.

Trait, state, and practice – mindfulness is all of these. Extracted from Buddhism for secular applications some few decades ago, mindfulness has evidenced a broad spectrum of benefits to physical as well as mental health. We can be mindful as a character trait, in a particular situation, or in a practice such as meditation, breathing exercises, walking, eating, interacting with others, and our overall approach to life. All are of benefit.

So what is mindfulness?

In English, we often say someone should be mindful of something – meaning, to practice caution or simply to pay attention. When we speak of this practice, it surely relates to both, especially the latter. Mindfulness in Buddhism is considered a form of mental training; it involves a keen focus of attention, an awareness of detail, a reduction in mind-wandering, and a present-moment orientation. Another aspect is in detachment from emotion, not in an unfeeling way but quite the opposite; mindfulness allows us to notice our emotions in detail, especially what’s beneath or motivating them, then to simply wish them on their way and let go of them. Focus, notice, then detach. It may sound difficult. It gets easier with practice.

When was the last time that you sat and did absolutely nothing? How often do you sit quietly and let your mind deeply relax, yourself in a state of pure contentment – even bliss? (I often observe my cat in such a state, and think her species must be the most mindful of all.) Mindfulness involves a profound stillness and a focus on our breathing; this doesn’t have to be skilled meditation per se, but is meditative nonetheless. We sit quietly with distractions minimized and a singular focus on our slow, even inhale, exhale, for a period of 10 minutes or so, refocusing as needed and letting thoughts and feelings drift away.

How does such a practice help us in times of change?

First, the present-moment orientation is very useful; even in the most stressful transitions, each present moment is most often tolerable, even okay. The stress is often in looking back to the past we’ve lost or forward to the future that isn’t yet here and feels unknowable, while this present moment – just this very moment – is usually quite manageable. We learn, then, to approach life one present moment at a time, rather than letting our focus spin into all those projections of what the future might be like, or into the past and loss, and everything then gets broken down into manageable parts.

Secondly: stillness. When life seems chaotic, we need moments of stillness above all else. Yet in the chaos, it can be very difficult to still our minds. If we have a regular practice of mindfulness meditation, a daily practice in times of stability, then when periods of change come, we can more easily continue that practice.

Thirdly: emotional detachment. A form of emotional intelligence, we aren’t suppressing our feelings but looking at them, determining what’s motivating them if we can, and then letting go of them. Much of the challenge in times of change is in the emotional realm. We can often facilitate the transition itself, but the emotion of it – the stress, uncertainty, confusion, pain and loss, all add up to our not thinking clearly and not handling the transition objectively, much less actually using it as a growth opportunity. The more we’ve learned how to detach from our emotions, so that we experience them but they don’t control us, the better we’ll function when change comes.

All of these – present-moment orientation, inner stillness, emotional intelligence – are also enormously helpful when we undergo deliberate processes of personal development. As we outline a plan and take those next steps, toward who we want to become, mindfulness will provide a great deal of support.

When I’m practicing mindfulness throughout my day, or in a given situation, I notice everything (or as much as possible); my focus is keenly tuned, I am not distracted, and I take in the richness of detail that surrounds me. I see that baby smiling up at his mother across from me on the metro. I notice how the sunbeams are dancing across my desk, or the shadows on the ceiling look like so much basket-weaving. I take note of the stranger who says “good morning” to me, of the unsteady grandmother who may need my help, of that little street cat looking up at me in anticipation, of the flowers in bloom. My day, in all its moments, is very rich and full, and time slows – I have become time-affluent.

In mindfulness meditation, we sit comfortably in a quiet space, distractions minimized. We begin by focusing on our breathing, slowly in, slowly out, and our breath becomes our friend. We are utterly in the present moment as a result of this singular focus, and when we note that our mind has wandered and we’ve become distracted, we simply smile, and gently focus once more on our breathing. We haven’t failed, aren’t incapable of meditating; it’s only our monkey mind, easily distracted, and just as easily refocused.

If at some point we find ourselves feeling sad, or angry, or anxious, we take note for a moment, asking that feeling what’s underneath or behind it; if we achieve new insight, we note that – oh, I’m feeling a little sad because an image of my long-gone grandmother just crossed my thoughts – ah, that anger or irritation is because a car horn is blasting outside of my window, and I feel the person is being inconsiderate of others – hmm, that bit of anxiety is because I’ve an exam tomorrow – and then we smile softly and let that emotion drift away again, as if a cloud, and return to a focus on our breathing.

After a while, it’s time; the body simply knows, and we take a slow, deep, cleansing breath, and return to an alert state of mind. Then: we reflect, whether in writing, by audio recording, or by discussing with another person, somehow externalizing our meditative experience, exploring insights gained.

Just 10 minutes a day of mindfulness meditation practice has been shown to be effective for a wide array of health benefits, and to improve our concentration, memory, tranquility, and resilience.

Mental training. Stillness. Emotional intelligence. Mindfulness.

9 Keys to Embracing Change, by Anne Hilty, ?2023