Embracing Authenticity in the Workplace

Redefining Emotional Expression

Growing up, it was clear that I could share good emotions such as joy or happiness (but not too much joy, which was annoying), while sadness, pain, and especially anger needed to be hidden away as highly inappropriate. I imagine many of you can identify with this, especially in the lives we lead at work. I want to challenge the idea that any emotion is wrong, should be suppressed, or only expressed privately.

I live by the motto "tell the truth about yourself all the time," and I'm privileged to live in a country that allows me that freedom and to have a job that encourages me to lead from the heart. However, I'd like to challenge the everyday business person to implement more honesty into their daily lives. This encourages true personal growth and authenticity in the workplace, helping to eliminate the prevailing culture of "workplace me" vs. "real-life me."

We spend over 13% of our lives at our jobs, or about 90,000 hours between the ages of 20 and 79; another large portion is spent sleeping, roughly 35%. That leaves about 52% of our lives in "real life" time. Shouldn't we encourage showing up as our true selves all the time so that our lives are spent in a present state rather than just delving into our true selves on weekends? I'm not advocating for showing up to work and yelling at everyone; I am advocating for showing up to work and honestly expressing your needs and frustrations. For example, letting a coworker who irritates you know that you would prefer not to engage in unnecessary conversations or telling your boss you need more straightforward directions because it's frustrating when expectations are not clearly laid out.

What’s the worst that could happen if you advocate for yourself and are honest? You might disrupt the system. Maybe. Get fired? Perhaps. But is that such a bad thing? Isn’t it worth it to march through life pursuing what brings you peace rather than shutting down all emotions and getting ill, or not sharing them with others and chronically feeling lonely and alone, even among people?

The Benefits of Authentic Emotional Expression

Being authentic and sharing our emotions can significantly benefit our health. It reduces stress, as bottling up feelings can lead to chronic stress and its related health problems, including high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system. Authentic emotional expression also improves mental health by reducing anxiety and depression, fostering stronger interpersonal relationships, and enhancing overall well-being.

Using “I” Statements for Honest Communication

One effective way to encourage honesty about our feelings is using "I" statements. This communication tool helps us express our feelings without blaming others, which can lead to more productive and less confrontational conversations. Here are some examples:

• Instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try, "I feel unheard when my ideas are not acknowledged."
• Instead of, "You are always late," say, "I feel frustrated when meetings start late because it impacts my schedule."
• Rather than, "You make me angry," express, "I feel angry when my efforts are not recognized."

Addressing Incomplete Emotions

If you find that people are indicating that you are reacting inappropriately, it might be a sign of incomplete emotions. Consider exploring a completion process like the Grief Recovery Method in such cases. This process helps individuals work through unresolved emotions and achieve a sense of emotional completeness. When we are emotionally complete with past events and people, we lose the reactivity that can come from not having closure with a person or event.

By fostering an environment where authentic emotional expression is encouraged, we create a workplace that values honesty and personal growth. This shift can lead to more meaningful interactions, better mental and physical health, and a more fulfilling professional and personal life. As Brené Brown has said, "Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are."

This powerful reminder encourages us to show up fully and genuinely in all our lives, including the workplace. Let’s move towards a culture where every emotion is considered valid and worthy of expression, helping us live fully and authentically daily.

I have found that fear will come up when we are authentic, but fear is another maligned emotion meant to be felt and not avoided at all costs, as so many of us are taught. Fear comes when things change, and you know the saying: nothing is certain except that things will change. Fear can be an excellent ally, letting us know when we are “out of our comfort zone.” Being out of our comfort zone does not mean we must stop or change our actions. It might mean that, but it could also indicate that what we are engaged in is scary because it is different, and different is often a good thing, although uncomfortable.

So the next time you feel an emotion that might not be on the social “okay” list, such as anger, frustration, sadness, pain, or fear, take a moment to appreciate that it is just as normal, sensible, and allowable as joy, happiness, cheerfulness, and delight. As Mary Oliver reminds us, we have one wild and precious life. Let’s be honest with who we are, both with ourselves and to our peers and families. Let’s make our one precious life as honest and whole as we can make it.

With love,

Chelsea