Embrace Tough Emotions in the Workplace
Susan David, Ph.D.
Psychologist. Harvard Medical School. TED Speaker. Author of the #1 WSJ bestseller Emotional Agility. Co-Founder of Institute of Coaching.
Now that we’re well into the 21st century, most executives and entrepreneurs have caught onto the importance of workplace culture. At last, there’s broad acceptance that an office’s particular social dynamics don’t just improve or impair employee wellbeing—they affect the bottom line.?
However, our ideas about what constitutes a “good” workplace culture can be simplistic.?We can mistake a good culture for one where the workers are outwardly cheerful and interpersonal friction is rare. If everyone seems happy, mustn’t that mean the culture is good?
I’ve written often about the “tyranny of positivity”—the tendency of people and organizations to mark pleasant emotions as “good” and difficult ones as “bad.” Such a perspective is rigid, and rigidity in the face of change and complexity is toxic.?
Even savvy leaders may find themselves dismissing the reservations of their team so that the company can “just get on with it.” And what’s worse, they’ll sometimes abuse the concept of workplace culture by accusing those who raise concerns of not being a “culture fit.”?
Among myriad other misdeeds, the much publicized case of the Theranos corporation shows how CEO Elizabeth Holmes effectively concealed massive fraud by sidelining critics within the company for their (well-justified!) “negativity.”
This is, of course, an extreme example, but it underlines the importance of welcoming difficult emotions in the workplace.?
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For an organization to succeed, the staff needs to feel empowered to speak up when something worries them, even if these worries aren’t easy for their colleagues and superiors to hear. Problems can’t be addressed unless they’re acknowledged.?
Furthermore, concealing unpleasant feelings beneath a veil of positivity doesn’t make those feelings go away. Quite the opposite! Just as the conscious attempt to ignore the fat slice of chocolate cake in the refrigerator will only cause you to obsess over it, implicitly or explicitly telling your staff to hide their concern, dissatisfaction, or even anger will only cause those feelings to fester and grow. It’s what psychologists call the amplification effect, and it can disable workplaces from the inside out.
As uncomfortable as tough emotions can be, it’s vital that companies find ways for their employees to meaningfully express them.?
Don’t shrink from the hard conversations. Don’t insist that everyone hide their true feelings behind a smiling veneer. Rather, recognize these feelings as signposts that point to real issues and help organizations steer toward success.?
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Rececionista at PortoBay Liberdade
1 年Thank you so much for your amazing work on our emotions ?? Does your book has a Portuguese version?
ACLC/Case Manager/Public speaker/recovery mentor/personal trainer/nutritionist
1 年Thanks for the invite to emotional agility
Org Culture Strategist | Board Member | Executive Advisor & Consultant
1 年Thank you for such an important topic, Susan, and thank you for the invitation to your newsletter. I came across the video you shared on IG about your mom saying that you'd be thankful for the experience of losing your dad. I could relate to every single word you said. That is how I feel about losing my son. As you've noted, many of these feelings can (and likely will) stay with employees as they enter the workplace. I wrote my first LinkedIn Article about this topic today. Thank you for shining your light!
I help business leaders and managers who want to achieve Excellence in Execution | Executive Consultant | Coach | Program Management| Change and Risk Management | Regulatory Compliance | Speaker | Author
1 年Well said! Thank you. I do recall when I was first in the workplace, emotions were taboo. You just did not show them, especially if you had any aspirations to move into management. When I finally did move into an executive position, it got worse. You had to be tough and God forbid you show any emotion. That was a long time ago - - - so glad things have changed!! Still not a good idea to cry in a workplace, but it is accepted that it can happen and we need to have the maturity to deal with it.
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1 年his post is an important reminder that workplace culture is not just about superficial positivity, but also about addressing difficult emotions. It encourages leaders to embrace tough conversations and create an environment where employees can express their concerns. Thank you for highlighting the importance of creating a culture where difficult emotions can be expressed. It takes courage for leaders to embrace these conversations, but the benefits for the organization can be significant.