Embrace the Sting: How to Turn Criticism into Your Superpower
César Gamio
Founder & Managing Director of Dharma Centre for Wellbeing | International Speaker
A few days ago, I received a message from someone who finds it hard to take feedback because she takes it too personally. I find that the majority of professionals I have encountered, regardless of seniority, feel the same way (to a lesser or greater degree), whether they admit it or not.
People often find it difficult to separate feedback on their behaviour from their personal worth because of the emotional ties between self-identity and external validation. Sometimes, when we receive criticism, it can feel like a direct attack on our character or value, especially if we experience low self-esteem or have unresolved emotional wounds from past experiences, such as childhood.
This response is often intensified by societal pressures to be perfect (read my previous newsletter on this) or to avoid failure, causing us to equate our actions with our worth, rather than viewing behaviour as something changeable and separate from who we fundamentally are.
Here are a few thoughts that I shared with her that might help you approach critical feedback with less emotional weight:
1. Separate yourself from the feedback: remember, feedback is about behaviour or specific actions, not about your worth as a person. It can help to mentally add a buffer between “me” and “the feedback.” The person giving it is addressing a piece of your work, not who you are.
2. Curiosity instead of defense: instead of seeing feedback as a personal attack, try shifting to a mindset of curiosity. Ask yourself, "what can I learn from this?" This transforms criticism into an opportunity for growth.
3. Reflect on your triggers: if childhood issues are at play, there might be old wounds that feedback touches on. Ask yourself: is the feedback echoing something you heard growing up? Awareness of those triggers can help you separate the past from the present.
4. Give yourself time: it’s okay to feel the sting, but try not to dwell. Give yourself permission to sit with the discomfort briefly, then move forward. Sometimes, pausing before reacting or processing can prevent you from spiralling into self-doubt.
5. Self-compassion: being kind to yourself in these moments is key. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sensitive, but remind yourself of all the strengths that your sensitivity brings. Don’t let one piece of feedback overshadow all the positive qualities you have.
Working through this takes time, but with practice, it gets easier. Over time, this mindset shift will feel more natural, and you'll respond with greater confidence and clarity.
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1 个月Great advice! It's important to remember that feedback is an opportunity for growth, not a personal attack. Taking a step back and reflecting on the criticism can lead to positive change. #WorkplaceWellbeing #Criticism #Leadership #Feedback
Work performance and breathwork-focused coach. Author. Storyteller. Event Presenter. Workshops/courses include 'How to master your nervous system'.
2 个月Do you think that in spite of someone having the capacity to absorb the critique, there is a level of decorum, professionalism and respect required in how someone should feed back to someone...albeit in-house or externally to a client?
Wellbeing and Wellness Consultant | Empowering Workplace and Individuals to Thrive
2 个月Thank you, what you have said is correct and very important and thank you for your valuable advice. I think some time the sender doesn’t know how to properly formulate the speech which causes confusion in understanding. For example,a manager say to employee : you are always late,undisciplined and irresponsible! Imagine if he said: you have been late 3 times this week, and it will affect the quality of your work! ??