The Embrace: The Block Within Me

The Embrace

I felt blocked at my core. It was April 2019, I decided this was finally “my moment” to launch a new business.

Instead - my energy was in an elaborate dance with my ego. The beat of fear had me in a tango that was completely out of step. What do I next? Why is there no joy in this process? Until one evening someone said to me, “Brian, give yourself more time.” Suddenly, it was as if the cord of the music had been pulled out of the wall. Silence.

In that moment, I accepted that time was a gift which provided freedom not attached to a schedule. At the core of that gift was the desire for what to do next.

I desired to embark on a first-time journey to Australia to visit a dear friend celebrating a milestone birthday. Of an even greater desire was locating a Wellness Retreat in Queensland called Gwinganna. It had been years since being on a retreat. I felt beckoned to be in a place for renewal and clarity. The week retreat aligned perfectly with my travel dates. So began my long journey with an open heart and mind. Time shifted from a feeling of anxiousness to joyful anticipation.

The first day anywhere is always a moment of transition for me. My partner made me promise not to call or text during the retreat except for upon my arrival. We connected via FaceTime once in my room with very patchy Wi-Fi. As I tapped the red button on the iPhone to disconnect, the room suddenly became still. It was just me. 

The suite had vaulted ceilings made of wood that made the room spacious. I had an appointment in a few minutes at the main house to review my program for the week. My heart felt homesick as I stood outside. The sun was radiating down on me. I closed my eyes and felt warm wrapped in the light. I told myself, “Brian, you are supported in being here and be open to every aspect of this week.” That warmth cast out any coldness of resistance within me. As I opened my misty eyes two wild kangaroos appeared hopping along. My steps now had a bounce of joy, too.

I was handed a cup of organic tea with some colorful floating pieces swirling around inside. The schedule of the week was explained by one of the staff. I was asked, “Brian, is there any particular focus for you this week?” I shared how my intention was to receive more clarity about my next step professionally. She recommended a one-on-one session with a retreat leader. As I took a sip of tea avoiding a yellow and pink floating leaf my head nodded in affirmation to sign me up.

A few days later was my appointment. I just kept telling myself – be open. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. The instructor asked me questions about what I was seeking clarity on. Within minutes all just flowed out of me with ease. I was guided through a breathing and meditation. When suddenly she said to me, “Brian, I have an extraordinarily strong sense that the Divine or Spirituality is important to you? Does that resonate for you?

I said, “Um, Yes, I had been a Priest for 8 years. Spirituality has always been a part of my life. However, it has evolved with a deeper more fuller meaning for me now." The session continued with more questions and space for silence.

I began to reflect that when I resigned as a priest, my focus was 100% on a building a successful career as an executive in New York City and later in Toronto. I feared being judged as a “spiritual person” or “people would only see me as my past” not my new life. When in fact that was the block – I needed to embrace that at the core of my being is a deep sense of being connected with what is of the Highest Good within me. By embracing this of myself and integrating it with my professional expertise this is how it would serve the world. Particularly, leaders who desire to align their core with their expertise to create positive impact within work.  Only when we do the inner dive are we able to outwardly lead with joy and confidence.

If you are a leader that desires to be more fully aligned for impacting others in your industry – let us connect. You are not alone. Or maybe you are at a crossroads and feel that “block” – even more reason to connect.

No reason to fear. Be open. It is about embracing without judgement the evolution within you.

Brian G. Bachand

Founder, evolution evolution

Chief Evolved Leader