"Embrace the Awkward" When Bringing Up Mental Health

Even if you’ve been lucky enough to survive the last year, you’re probably not operating at your peak performance, emotional highpoint, or (as they say) living your best life. And whether you’ve been holed up at home alone or trying to manage a busy family while working full time, you’ve likely noticed that other people are struggling too. 

This isn’t just anecdotal. According to a survey by the US Census Bureau in December 2020, more than 42% of people surveyed reported symptoms of anxiety or depression in December, an increase from 11% the previous year.  Case in point: Since the beginning of the pandemic, calls to Los Angeles suicide and mental health hotlines have increased 8000%.

And yet, many of us feel like we should be “over it” already—and those around us should be over it, too. It’s been a year, after all. Aren’t we in the “new norm” now? Isn’t the worst behind us?

Probably not. Those of us who struggled with anxiety (like me), depression, and other mental illnesses before COVID now have exacerbated symptoms. Those of us who are experiencing novel bouts of worry, fear, loss of interest and motivation, burnout, etc. are wrestling with these new ways of being in the world. As time passes, what was acute has now become chronic.

And for many people — working mothers, people of color, those with limited income, people with disabilities, health care workers and first responders — what had been chronic has now become acute.

That’s the bad news. What’s the good news? That we can still support others who may be having a hard time by checking in rather than checking out. By being proactive rather than reactive. By stepping forward rather than stepping back.

And yes, it will probably require a conversation that may feel uncomfortable, personal, challenging, and awkward. But you know what? You can do it. You should do it. So, “embrace the awkward” and be the bridge to helping someone in your life — at work, at home, in your community — feel seen, heard, and cared for. 

Here are seven ways to start the conversation:

1. "I want to talk to you about something feels a little awkward…but I am going to embrace the awkward and go for it because it’s important."
2. "I want to ask you about something — and you’re not in trouble, I promise!"
3. "One commitment I’ve made this year is to talk to everyone (on the team/in our family/I care for) about how they’re feeling and coping. When would be a good time for us to talk?"
4. "You’ve been on my mind a lot lately, and I would like to share why…"
5. "I’d like to talk to you about how you’re doing/feeling because I care about you, I’m feeling concerned, and I’d like to help. Would you be open to a conversation?"
6. "You haven’t seemed like yourself for a little while, and I’d like to check in for a few minutes. Is now a good time?"
7. "I notice that I don’t feel like I’m operating at 100% days, and I imagine I’m not alone. Can we chat about this?"

The worst that can happen is that you make a mistake, or they don’t want to talk about it, or they get annoyed that you were pushy or overly personal.

The best that can happen is that you save someone’s life.

Originally posted on Psychology Today

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a keynote speaker and consultant who teaches leadership communication for Wharton Business School and Columbia Business School. She is a regular contributor for Harvard Business Review, Inc., Psychology Today, Forbes, and Fast Company. The author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life, she consults and speaks for clients including Amazon, BlackRock, KraftHeinz, PepsiCo, and The United States Army. Her work has been featured in worldwide media, including Bloomberg Businessweek, Oprah Magazine, and The New York Times. Visit her online at www.deborahgraysonriegel.com.