"embrace authenticity. Let go of your ego." Darren Baker

1.What inspired you to transition from military to civilian life, and how did you prepare for this significant change?

Upon reflection, the insight I gained after leaving the military didn't come to me suddenly. It emerged as I navigated the substantial shifts in my civilian life. I once believed my military background would open doors and that my skills would be in high demand. But the reality I encountered was far different; it required me to step aside and re-evaluate my perspective.

Acknowledging the need to move beyond my military identity was crucial. It involved stripping away the ranks and accolades accumulated over years and embracing a broader sense of self. This transition wasn't just about changing careers; it was about altering how I measured my worth, recognizing that significance isn't tied to a uniform but to the impact we make.

As I adjusted, I found value in life's quieter moments and the steadfast support of friends and family. I learned that making a difference in the world isn't about titles or positions but the positive influence we have on others.

Confronting the challenge of translating my skills to the civilian context taught me that adaptation is essential. It was less about how my past achievements could be parlayed into new opportunities and more about how I could apply the underlying strengths—discipline, leadership, and resilience—in new and sometimes unexpected ways.

The realization that my service did not automatically ensure success outside the military was pivotal. It was an exercise in humility and adaptability, a willingness to embark on fresh starts that might not spotlight my history but would utilize the essence of the skills I'd honed throughout my military career.

Accepting that my expectations for immediate success were misplaced allowed me to embark on a journey of self-discovery and reinvention that continues to unfold.

2.Could you describe your current role in civilian life and how you arrived at this path?

After transitioning out of the military, my professional journey in civilian life has been marked by exploration and iterative learning experiences. Initially, I worked with a close friend who introduced me to the private sector—a stark contrast to my military career, and a role for which I was grateful but admittedly unprepared. His patience was a lifeline as I navigated this new terrain.

The drive to continue growing led me to university, where I faced the humbling realization that academic life was not the right fit for me. Learning to write papers without leaning on my veteran identity was part of a broader challenge of redefining who I was outside of the military context.

Realizing that my path lay elsewhere, I joined a non-profit organization where I traveled across Asia. There, I found kinship with individuals dedicated to causes greater than themselves, echoing the camaraderie and purpose that had been so vital in my military life. However, the search for greater challenges propelled me forward.

Now, I'm immersed in a role within a corporate environment, one that tests my limits and compels me to expand my capabilities continuously. It's a position that provides both the challenge I sought and frequent reminders to maintain humility, to learn and to adapt.

Parallel to my career, I am on a personal quest to discover what work-life balance means for me. It’s a concept that was foreign during my service years but has become increasingly significant as I navigate the complexity of civilian life.

3. During your transition, what obstacles did you encounter, and what strategies proved instrumental in overcoming them?

My transition out of the military was fraught with challenges, both physical and mental, exacerbated by my medical release. Striving for normalcy became a mission in itself, as I confronted the barriers that stood in my path to recovery.

While transition programs, career fairs, resume workshops, and interview preparations offered valuable tools, they did not address the deeper identity crisis that ensued once my uniform was off. Resolving this crisis was an 'inside job' that required me to evolve my thought processes and emotional responses. The turning point came when I realized that the mission statement and commander's intent, which had previously guided me, would now come from within.

In this internal battlefield, my experiences, though unique, were not entirely solitary. I found solace and progression in embracing various care modalities, connecting with others who had 'the same mud on their boots.' This sense of camaraderie was a balm against the temptation of self-medication and the anger that no longer served as my default state. It also taught me that emotional expression extends beyond the confines of 'I'm good,' a sentiment often repeated but rarely reflective of true feelings.

Listening became my most potent ally in this battle. Tuning into the guidance of those who formed my circle of care, acknowledging my faults, and learning the full spectrum of humility were crucial strategies. Through introspection, owning up to my errors, and apologizing to those I hold dear—especially my wife and adult children—I began to reconcile with the past.

The journey was anything but straightforward. It demanded a compassion towards myself that I had never practiced before. In embracing vulnerability and recognizing the value of a supportive community, I forged a path toward healing. This process went beyond the trope of 'getting a grip after a quiet word in the low ground'; it is a continuous, profound journey of growth and self-discovery, punctuated by the understanding that I am the author of my next chapter.

4.In what ways have your military skills and experiences been an asset in your civilian career?

?In the shift from military to civilian life, the competencies I developed in the special forces have served as unique assets in the corporate world. One of the most profound skills is the ability to connect with others. The maturity gained from my experiences allows me to draw from a well of hidden pain to forge genuine connections. It's about knowing when and with whom vulnerability can be shared, transforming pain through disclosure at the right moments.

?Self-care remains an area of growth for me, an extension of the discipline I learned in the service. It's a different battlefield, one where the enemy is often an internal voice urging me to disregard my own needs. I'm learning that avoiding conflict, a tactic sometimes necessary in combat, has its costs in the boardroom. Instead, I'm applying the military principle of engaging with equanimity. The capacity to face conflicts constructively, a testament to post-traumatic growth, has become invaluable in my civilian role.

?Trust, in the context of combat, is forged under fire. Civilian life doesn't offer the same crucible for trust as combat does, but it's precisely here where the principle of intentional support and respect that I developed in the military shines through. It's about taking that innate understanding of loyalty and camaraderie and adapting it to a different kind of team dynamic, one without the intense bonding that shared trauma brings.

?In my current role, the challenge lies in translating the trust-building and support mechanisms from military life to the corporate environment, where the stakes are different, and the camaraderie isn't built in life-and-death situations. Finding the space to apply these honed skills—like leadership, strategic thinking, and unflinching support—in a way that benefits my team and aligns with corporate objectives is a journey that I and many veterans embark upon. It's not just about fitting in; it's about transforming our surroundings with the intentional respect and support that were second nature in the military.

5. Are there any resources, networks, or strategies you found invaluable during your transition that you’d recommend to others?

Transitioning from military to civilian life is a mission unlike any other; it’s complex and deeply personal. Through my journey, I’ve found certain strategies and resources crucial for success, which I would recommend to any veteran facing this transition.

First and foremost, embrace authenticity. Let go of your ego. Authenticity can’t coexist with a preoccupation over how you are perceived by others. If you're stuck in the facade of who you think you should be, you'll end up facing the internal turmoil of cognitive dissonance. Be true to who you are, not who you think you need to be.

I learned that the mission of transition and reintegration into civilian life was more demanding than I ever anticipated. Looking back, I wish I had begun crafting this new chapter earlier, shaping the space for my new identity to flourish before it was thrust upon me by circumstance.

So, what’s the strategy? Network—find your new tribe. Look for and lean into the support of those who understand the path you’re walking. Build new, healthy habits that contribute to resilience. Connect with veterans who have transitioned successfully and learn from their experiences. Recognize that you’re not alone, and there are communities and resources designed to support you.

The key to thriving post-military lies in understanding that the rewarding life you seek won't simply be given to you; it requires your active contribution. It's not about acquiring a new life but rather offering your strengths, experience, and energy to create it. This shift in perspective—from passive reception to active creation—is fundamental. It empowered me to take control of my transition and reintegration, shaping a future that aligns with the values and skills I have brought back from my service.

6.Reflecting on your transition, what piece of knowledge or advice do you wish had been shared with you beforehand?

In the process of moving from a military to a civilian career, it’s critical to distinguish between transitioning and retiring. Transitioning is an active shift, involving the development of a new professional identity, while retirement suggests a conclusion of one’s career. Understanding this difference was key for me; it shaped my approach and readiness to start anew, rather than winding down.

For those navigating this path, I emphasize the importance of foresight and self-directed learning. Early on, I wish I had been more attentive to the advice I received and proactive in my preparations—acquiring civilian certifications and education and understanding the nuances of the civilian job market. This preparation is an integral part of the transition, not just an afterthought for retirement.

In my pursuit of a second career, I learned the value of networking and informational interviews. Speaking with industry professionals across various sectors allowed me to gain clarity on what I didn’t know and what I needed to learn. These conversations were pivotal, turning what felt like an insurmountable challenge into a navigable journey.

To those transitioning, I offer this: Start building your bridge from the military world to the civilian one as early as possible. Gather knowledge, understand the distinct challenges of transitioning versus retiring, and seek out companies with values that harmonize with your own. These steps create a foundation not just for a new job, but for a rewarding and impactful new chapter of life.

7. How did you navigate the shift in identity from being in the military to reintegrating into civilian life, and what helped you through this process?

The journey of shifting identity post-military service has been a profound one for me and accepting that it indeed was a 'shift' rather than a 'change' was pivotal. It's been five years since I began this process, and it was only in the last year that the phrase 'shift in identity' truly resonated with me.

Understanding the link between my values and my identity took time and introspection. I grappled with cognitive dissonance, viewing my world through a distorted lens that led me to pursue jobs that did not align with my core beliefs. Once I recognized this, I shifted my focus from chasing job titles to seeking environments that reflected my values. This realization was a cornerstone in rebuilding my identity.

The pursuit of social acceptance and external validation had me clinging to my past reputation and accomplishments, but I learned that my true worth was not anchored on these laurels. When I began to live and express my values authentically, I rediscovered a sense of inspiration, resilience, and energy that I hadn't felt since my time in the service.

This personal evolution is akin to the transformation we undergo in basic training, where we are taught that our former selves are inadequate for military life. The process starts anew when we exit—the routines and disciplines of military life are not fine-tuned for the subtleties of the civilian world.

Dr. Shauna Springer’s insights in 'Beyond the Military' resonated with me, emphasizing that transition stress, not PTSD, often catalyzes the emotional and social challenges veterans face. Her counsel to break the habit of 'being a warrior' in favor of embracing an authentic identity is profound. It’s about becoming more than what we were in the military.

Confronting this, I had to face long-ignored fears that were awaiting my attention. It was a confrontation with neglected aspects of myself, filled with fear-based energy, that demanded recognition and resolution. Embracing the concept of self-actualization, as described by Simon Sinek, was liberating. This isn't about satisfying basic needs but about pursuing what I truly 'want'—which requires knowing who I am and why I choose the paths I take.

Finding that 'who' and 'why' is an ambitious endeavor, demanding confidence, and determination. It's the most challenging mission I've embarked on, yet it's also the most critical for true fulfillment beyond military life.

8. What aspects of military life do you find yourself missing the most, and how do you keep those memories alive?

In reflecting on my military service, what I miss the most isn't an individual aspect, but rather the collective essence of the military—the camaraderie. Simon Sinek's exploration of leadership and trust in 'Leaders Eat Last' resonates deeply with me. It brings to mind the story of humility, represented by the wolf, from the Anishinaabe Seven Grandfather Teachings: The wolf draws strength from the pack, and in turn, fortifies it. This reciprocity, this unspoken bond of trust, humility, and shared strength, is what I long for.

The solidarity of comrades-in-arms, the comfort of an inherent trust that we had in one another, is irreplaceable. I'm in the process of finding my place in a new 'pack,' and until I fully settle into this emerging tribe, there remains a nostalgia for the military community I left behind.

Keeping these memories alive isn't something I've managed to do from a completely healthy place yet, as I'm still navigating through the loss. The grieving is real and ongoing. Perhaps the memories aren't meant to be kept alive in the way they once were, but to evolve as I transition fully into civilian life. My hope is to find a way to honor that sense of brotherhood by fostering similar bonds in my current environment, recognizing that while they'll never be the same, they can be equally meaningful in a new context.

Bonus: Books that helped me find my way

A Leader’s Handbook for Warrior Reintegration: Beyond the Military – Shauna Springer

Non-violent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg

Codependent No More – Melody Beattie

The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida

Leaders Eat Last – Simon Sinek

Start with Why – Simon Sinek

Daring Greatly – Brene Brown

I Don’t Want to Talk About It – Terrance Real