The Embarrassing Truth for Business Owners about Difficult Conversations.

I remember when I first embarked on this new career path several years ago, I would often avoid ‘high-risk’ situations because I felt like an imposter. It felt easier to circumnavigate the issue rather than squirm in my discomfort of sharing that I didn’t know the answer.

I was afraid of ‘doing things wrong’, asking stupid questions, looking incompetent or foolish in front of those more experienced.

And for quite a while that was debilitating. I stayed stuck, yet also frustrated. Avoidance felt comfortable and low risk.

But here’s the thing.

We don’t know what we don’t know! And that’s ok.

As a small business owner, there will be a plethora of difficult circumstances or conversations you might conveniently sidestep because you are unsure or anxious about how to navigate them.

There’s no shame not knowing what to say or do but sometimes there’s a great deal of embarrassment, fear of judgement or simply fear of the consequences if you get it wrong.

‘What will my team think if I don’t intervene in a bullying or toxic situation?’

‘If I mess up the conversation with my client, will my business partners lose trust and confidence in me and will we lose the client?’

‘I feel stupid. I can run a successful business but I avoid confrontation and struggle with direct conversations'.

All these narratives might be playing out over again, confirming your greatest fears and anxieties that you’re going to mess up or no-one will take you seriously.

But….There’s not a book that I can think of that states that although you are an accomplished and experienced business owner, you should be an expert and comfortable managing those difficult dialogues. Those soft skills are not a prerequisite to running a successful company.

So please … give yourself a break!

Navigating difficult conversations is an art but like anything new in life, it’s a skill that can be easily learnt. So here are 5 suggestions that will help you become more confident and competent as you embark on these uncomfortable conversations.

THE APPROACH

The way you launch into the conversation will invariably dictate the outcome. Approach it too bullishly and it would come as no surprise if you were faced with pushback or a defensive response. Or if your approach is too insipid, you might observe a lack of respect from your team or partners who take advantage as they view your behaviour as weak. Find a balance in your tone and delivery that will both engage and open up the dialogue rather than deflect and shut it down.

MINDSET

Your mindset plays an intrinsic role in the success or failure of the conversation and impacts how you show up. Check-in with yourself beforehand and notice your state. Are you nervous, angry, impatient, upset, confused or concerned? There are a number of tools you can embrace that will support to calm you if are raging or empower you for renewed confidence if you feel anxious or panicky.

Go for a walk or run to clear your head. Talk it out with a trusted colleague or friend. Meditate, listen to an inspiring podcast or your favourite music and if you find journaling a cathartic means to shift your mindset, get writing! Find anything that works for you and never begin the conversation until you are mentally ready and prepared for it.

OBJECTIVE

Often we launch in without a focus. Be clear about the purpose of the conversation which will be valuable if you become derailed or caught off guard. Perhaps you seek understanding or to be understood.?Maybe you would like an apology, a change in behaviour, improved performance, to be heard or respected.

Consider what an ideal outcome looks like to you and whether this is in fact realistic and achievable and if so, keep that at the forefront of your mind during the conversation.

PREPARE

Two of the biggest fears that show up before any challenging conversation are: Being derailed by intimidating tactics or being unprepared and caught off guard by pushback. To overcome these fears, prepare notes in advance which will serve to both calm your nerves and keep you focused. Take some time to imagine an assortment of possible responses or objections you might be faced with and then consider the best counter-response and play that out until it feels natural.?Forewarned is forearmed! If you are therefore met with a confrontational or uncomfortable reaction, you won’t be blindsided but will feel in control and able to respond confidently.

SEEK SUPPORT

There may well be situations that you simply aren’t equipped to manage and the skill is recognizing that rather than burying your head in the sand. In these situations, seek support from a mentor, an experienced colleague or a trusted friend.?Their knowledge, wisdom, insights and guidance will inspire you to step into the conversation and confidently navigate it rather than avoiding it altogether.

Don’t let the fear of embarrassment or judgement turn a challenging conversation into a crisis, damage relationships or ruin your business!

Nicole Posner

The Conflict Crisis Consultant

Supporting SME Business Owners untangle and prevent stressful dramas from unfolding into a costly crisis to restore a calm, conflict-free and thriving business!

[email protected]

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