Email etiquette: Tone

Smiley face, winky face, explanation points… wait, remove that explanation point. Only put one smiley. Wait, no, a winky face. 

I learned the importance of tone in emails in the first year of my first job out of college. I was called into the boss's office with a doomsday-sounding phrase of: “We need to talk.” At this point, I was young, eager to please, and irrationally afraid of authority. 

My boss told me I’d offended someone in an email.

My mouth gaped open, “Oh God.” I mentally went through all the emails I’d sent recently (which wasn’t many in those days). He continues, I just got off the phone with HR Director. My jaw hit the floor, not literally but if I was a cartoon character, it would have literally hit the floor.

The HR Director told my boss that he needed to teach me proper email etiquette. Here I am nearly 15 years later and I still don’t know why she was so upset. I wrote a very to-the-point email about an upcoming project. It wasn’t rude, but it wasn’t friendly either. Just matter-of-fact. Nearly in tears and afraid I’d lose my job, I learned a valuable lesson that day. And that lesson is:

Your words are not always read the way you hear it in your head.

Since then, I’ve done my best to take a second glance at my emails before I hit send. Sometimes, it’s even multiple drafts and extra sets of eyes. I'm definitely not perfect and always a work in progress, but here are some tips on email etiquette that I hope will help you avoid this type of situation.

1. Start with a warm greeting: Good morning, Good afternoon, What’s up!. Ask how they are. Tell them you hope they are well (and mean it). Don’t be a robot and use the same greeting for every email. Use the greeting that’s suitable for the email recipient. It doesn’t hurt to lead with an explanation point. Sometimes I start with a Hi name! But that’s because I really am excited to talk with them. They deserve the ! and it’s genuine.
2. Be direct. But again, don’t be a robot. This is a person you are emailing. Customize your language to them. 
3. Explain. Something that may be very clear to you, may not be clear to another. Feel free to be conversational and explain your points. Please don’t be a robot.
4. Conclude with Thanks! or I appreciate it! A greeting like “Warmly” or “Respectfully” can actually have the opposite effect if the tone of the email doesn’t match the conclusion. Don’t let your sign off be part of your signature. Customize it for each email. Maybe some emails don’t need a sign off at all. Or a simple: :). 

In summary: Don’t be a robot

Take a moment to read over your emails before you send them. Maybe you should reword a few things. And don’t automate greetings and sign offs. It’s impersonal and a missed opportunity to soften up a potentially difficult-to-read email.

If you don't have time to worry about tone, then pick up the phone.

Sometimes I'm running and gunning and all I have time for is a quick text or email as I walk into my next meeting. First, if you've built a reputation of being kind and not curt, you will be perceived that way digitally as well. Second, if you don't have time to worry about tone, just pick up the phone. Third, if you don't have time to consider tone, you definitely don't have time to extinguish the flames that ignite from a poor communication.

If you get an abrasive response, chances are your email was not read the way you wrote it. At this point, damage control is picking up the phone or walking to the other person’s office to explain yourself. 

Good luck in all your digital communications!